


Connect the Dots

by ifiOnlyhadmorePaper



Series: Fall in Line [1]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Best Friends, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Endgame Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, Eventual Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell, F/F, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, Mommy Issues, Possessive Behavior, True Love, Unrequited Love, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-01 00:02:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 69,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14508075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifiOnlyhadmorePaper/pseuds/ifiOnlyhadmorePaper
Summary: Takes place after PP2 (PP3 does not exist here)Beca lives in LA as a successful music producer. When Chloe moves to LA, her presence increases Beca's anxiety and stress due to suppressed feelings, secrets, and her confusion about her sexuality.“I refuse to talk about these types of things and my answer is always ‘I don't know’ because I don't and I didn't. Like take a hint, dude!” She threw her keys in the bowl, it sounded as if the metal almost shattered it. “Jesus, connect the fucking dots, Chloe.”





	1. Beca

**Author's Note:**

> Very first work so bear with me.

* * *

 

“Late, late, I'm so freaking late.” Beca said to herself, feeling frustrated and anxious. The murmur of the radio filling the quiet. She had been driving to the studio for a meeting with her boss, Shawn, hopefully discussing a promotion of some sort. The second best producer the label had, opened his own label leaving Beca as second best next to Shawn. With the success she had with Flashlight under her belt, and the newest artist she worked with, maybe she would hopefully get some sort of pay raise, or maybe to be trusted with bigger projects. Flashlight had been her big break. Maybe Shawn would give her the bigger studio, with the bigger soundboard, that big and beautiful piece of machinery. Her heart fluttering at the thought. _Don't hope too soon, you haven't heard what he has to say yet_. 

With a sour taste in her mouth and even bigger boy scout knots in her stomach, she was already ten minutes late for her possible promotion. She would've been there sooner if one lane hadn't been closed due to construction on the freeway, she rolled her eyes irritably. Her heart rate was picking up as she continued driving, realizing how late she was but also how close she was to work. Thinking about having to shake hands and having to be professional about things, the thought making her uncomfortably sweaty. Socializing was never her strong suit, having unreasonable anxiety and a stutter really made sure of that.

For big occasions like meetings such as this one, she had to make sure nothing she said, or did, was stupid. That also went for showing a track to a client. The track had to be gold before she showed anyone outside her team. A client almost had her fired because she didn’t like it, she was _such_ a pop star.

She moved through traffic, preparing a script of things to say to Shawn at the meeting. She had to take a minute before speaking to be able to configure clear and competent sentences or her stuttering and awkward speechlessness would cripple her.

 

* * *

 

Her phone buzzed somewhere from the passengers side. She reached over to get it, she put her hand on the hot leather seat where she'd thought it'd been, burning her hand a little. "Shit." She mumbled. It had fell off the seat after her last turn. She was stopped at a red light, the phone still buzzing, she reached over to get it from the floor, when there was a loud bang followed by a quick jerk of the car. She'd just been hit by a little white Prius. Seeing that the light was still red, she glared into her rearview mirror irritated seeing the driver scramble. She turned on her hazard lights and got out of her car ready with her sarcasm and scowls.

The driver of the little white Prius had legs that looked good in shorts. She tilted her sunglasses down, observing the girl bending over looking for something in the car, enjoying the view. Beca’s phone stopped buzzing, and when the driver stood up out of the car she realized who had just hit her.

Already frantically apologizing and pleading, the redhead was panicking and begging for mercy before seeing who exactly she had just hit. “Well I'll be damned if it isn't Chloe Beale." With the broadest grin on her face, the ginger looked up immediately with an excited full smile. Beca hadn't realized what had been happening until Chloe leapt onto her within seconds, crashing to the hot asphalt. She felt an ache in the back of her head, but she had been more occupied with the excited woman kissing all over her face, sitting on top of her. She took a minute to register her surroundings before moving her arms to clutch her hands. Feeling a familiar warmth, holding her finger tips, she smiled. "Chlo," Beca interrupted her enthusiasm, her luminous blue eyes looking at her. "Chlo, um still on the floor." She pointed out, Chloe chuckled as she got off and helped her up. "That was  _very_ dangerous to do on the street." Beca said jokingly. Chloe laughed, the sound taking Beca back to senior year.

She hadn't seen Chloe for almost a year since after the Bella's had won world's. They still talked everyday but they haven’t seen each other face to face since their last Skype call, which was three months ago give or take. _Gosh, I miss those nerds_. Beca was feeling great sense of genuine happiness and excitement she hadn’t felt since the Bellas last hoorah. Not even after coffee or after finishing a really good album, did Beca even feel alive, like she was in a fellow Bella's presence. Looking at Chloe's radiance and glow and those lips, gosh those lips, she'd forgotten what it was to feel butterflies deep in her stomach. "Beca, I am so sorry for hitting your car! I feel awful!" Watching Chloe's face get worried and nervous, she frowned. _Make it stop, make the smile come back._

"Dude, it's totally okay! I'll take care of it, don't even sweat it, it's just a little dent." Trying to reassure her blue eyed Bella, she was relieved when Chloe's face relaxed back into a smile. _Good, she’s smiling again._ "So what are you up to? What brings you to LA?" Beca asked out of curiosity. What brought her best friend all the way to LA to hit her car? Chloe had stayed behind in Georgia with her parents for a while before she made her next move.

"Well, if you would've picked up when I called, you would've known." She said teasingly. _Oh, sweet relief, I thought it was Shawn_. A voice in her head said as she thought back to Shawn, she still had a meeting to be at. Shit.

"Oh, that was you? I was going to answer, but I couldn't find my phone, it fell on the floor." She explained. _Why are you explaining yourself? Stop it._  She tried not to give any hint to her internal panic, even though it was totally visible. But this is Chloe Beale, she could see through her easily. "I was actually on my way to a meeting actually..." She was so painfully awkward, it hurt.

"Oh, don't let me stop you! Let me just tell you what I was calling to tell you. Guess What? I moved to LA! I got an apartment right across from a bar on Ocean Avenue." That was Beca's apartment complex. Come to think of it there was an apartment right next door to hers, empty and ready for a new tenant. But that could be anybody but it didn't hurt to ask, in case _Chloe_ was that anybody.

"Your apartment number wouldn't happen to be 304B would it?" She asked Chloe looked at her with her confused Chloe face.

"That was _too specific_ to be a guess, did Bree call you?" Beca laughed.

"No, no, no, it's just that's my building and you're on my floor right next door to me." Her eyes widened.

"Really?" Watching her doing a little tip toe hop in excitement, she thought it was absolutely adorable. She missed this. "I'm your new neighbor!" She screamed pulling Beca into a hug.

"You're my new neighbor!" screaming back with a broad toothy smile with her, she hasn't been so excited for a new neighbor since... literally ever. "Okay, tell you what, you go get settled and I'll meet you after this big meeting, my schedule is clear after that." Chloe smiled the brightest smile ever. Chloe was the sun. And Beca loved it.

"What's the meeting for?" Chloe asked with that damn tone that puts Beca in cardiac arrest. Melodic, and completely, and totally addicting, and intoxicating.

"Promotion, maybe, or a really big project." She said as her smile toned down realizing she still had to make an appearance at the meeting and was probably even later than she already was.

"Oh my God, Bec, that's awesome! Oh my God, Be- wait why aren't you excited anymore?" She asked concerned seeing that Beca's smile fell a little, reaching out to put her hand on her arm.

"Just very nervous." awkwardly grinning through the nerves. "And also very late. But I'll see you later and we'll get some drinks to celebrate if I get this and if I don't then we'll celebrate your arrival." Beca told her new neighbor. _New neighbor_. Chloe is her new neighbor. She definitely liked how that sounds.

"You're gonna get it, you'll be fine." She assured Beca. "And good call on drinks, this ginger needs her jiggle juice." She did the little booty shake she always does when she says that. Beca chuckled.

"See you later, _please drive safe_." She teased, gesturing to the dent in her bumper. _Chloe's right. I got this_. The voice in her head didn't argue, they both knew that Chloe was always right. She always gave her a crazy surge of energy and confidence. Beca drove off to her meeting, twenty minutes late with two reasonable explanations: one being that there was a ridiculous amount of traffic, and the second was she got in an accident. Two very true and plausible excuses. _I'm glad that red-headed weirdo hit us._ She thought as she drove off.

* * *

 


	2. Chloe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically from Chloe's P.O.V.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little shorter, so I'll probs do chapter three later since this one wasn't so long.  
> *Tip* flash backs are in bold.

* * *

 

“Turn the beat around, love to hear percussion.” she sang along, rhythmically tapping the steering wheel. She grinned while she looked into the rear view mirror, applying her cherry chapstick. _I'm almost there._ Chloe's eyes dazzled at the excitement of finally pushing her life forward. She'd stayed with her mom and dad after graduating, just to take a year off. She remembered the feeling of her parents house for a year, it sent a disturbed scowl to her face. _Ugh, never again._ Twenty- five years old, and barely getting out there. No more pink bedroom, no more mom, no more dad. No more. She pulled her pink lips apart into a smile, exposing porcelain white teeth. The thrill of it all made her cheeks warm, as she let out a girlish giggle. _I should call Beca_. Without thinking twice, she picked up her phone from her lap and called her. She put it up to her ear, it was still ringing, the anticipation of the answer exciting her.

Seeing Beca would be the best thing to happen since graduating. Her year off almost felt completely empty and stressful, just waiting around for something. She didn't know what, but just something, other than mom's lectures and dad's cheesy advice and judgemental stares and ‘Oh, that's nice.’ _God that phrase_.

She and Beca were so close, they were each other's family for five years. Then she thought back on all the times they'd gotten drunk together, and took turns holding each other's hair back, and the movie marathons they had. She remembered picking a scary movie and Chloe, being as clever as she is, pretended to be absolutely scared. Jumping and cuddling into Beca grabbing her hand, and Beca would pull her in closer, holding her, protecting her as if whatever was on screen would come out. Or when they'd watched a rom-com at Chloe's request.

 

* * *

 

**“Come on, Bec, it's a good movie I swear.” Chloe pleaded with her stupid pouty lip that could help her get away with murder.**

**“You know I don't do rom-coms, Chlo, we've already established this.” Beca said in her whiny sourpuss tone. Chloe looking at her with those eyes that just melt your friggin heart. “OhmyGod, fine!” She said as Chloe jumped on the couch next to Beca, giggling with adorable satisfaction knowing she won.**

**“You're gonna love it, I swear.” She said with a twinkle in her eye, not because they were watching the rom-com she wanted, but because Beca could not say no to her. Sitting there on the couch, Beca put a pillow on Chloe's lap and laid her head down. “You better not fall asleep, Beca.” She reminded her.**

**“What, a girl can't get comfortable before she gets tortured with love and romance?” She said causing Chloe to chuckle softly at the joke.**

 

* * *

 

**They were thirty minutes in, and sure enough Beca had fallen asleep, but it was a record. She looked away from the screen and back at the small Bella stirring in her sleep. Admiring the way her face relaxed instead of the seriousness she usually wore. Her chest coming up and down, her nose twitching, then before she knew it the end credits were rolling up, and the movie was over. She leaned down to move a strand of hair from her face when her eyes slowly opened, she saw Chloe looking down at her smiling. Beca gave a tired grin “I'm sorry I fell asleep.” She said as she yawned.**

**“It's okay.” She softly said, as Beca fell back to sleep, she ran her fingers through her chocolate hair and fell asleep with the short brunette on her lap.**

* * *

 

The memory brought forth a wanting feeling, as she listened to the phone ring. The sun shining in her eyes, she grabbed her sunglasses from the visor, but they fell. She leaned down to grab them, patting the floor between her feet, unable to find them. She looked down to pick them up, and all of the sudden her body slammed into her steering wheel. _Shit. Fuck, shit. Oh God, we're in trouble and we barely got here._ Her stomach twisted and her palms sweaty she panicked, flinging open her door stepping out of the car.

She panicked while leaning towards the glove compartment, trying to find her insurance. She heard the driver of the black mustang get out of their car, making her panic even more. _Beg, just beg, explain yourself, it was an accident. Well of course it was an accident, that's why they call them 'accidents', Chloe_. She chastised herself. _Just explain that you're new in town_. _That could get you off the hook._ She stood up and hastily straightened out her papers. “I'm so, so, so sorry. I'm new in town, I should've been paying more attention.” Apologizing like there was no tomorrow, she was talking so fast she could've sprained her tongue when the driver started speaking.

“Well, I'll be damned if it isn't Chloe Beale." That voice, that sweet voice she couldn't be more than happy to hear it. Like music to her ears, her heart beating faster and faster than it had before she even saw her. Smiling so wide and big, and all of the sudden she was running, and her feet pushed off the ground as she crashed into Beca. Kissing her cheeks and chin and her forehead, overly excited, but that was just Chloe. Feeling Beca’s hands grip her fingers, her heart raced from the touch. "Chlo," Beca said, stopping her excitement in it's tracks, she looked at her expecting her to say something. "Chlo, um still on the floor." Beca reminded her. _Oh shit, still on top_. She got off laughing and smiling at the fact that she just happened to hit her best friends car. 

She dropped the news that she moved to LA, and oddly enough she was also moving in next to Beca. Chloe smiled at the thought. _Neighbor._ The word still rang in her ears. Chloe’s smile grew just thinking of getting drinks with her, and living next to her, maybe getting to have sleepovers, and visit each other, and get coffee together, and go clubbing, just like they had a year ago. _This is gonna be good_. 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect more tomorrow! :)


	3. Jiggle Juice

* * *

 

Walking into work, a little over twenty minutes late, ready with her excuses, prepared to plead and cry, Beca took her sunglasses from her face as she sat in front of Shawn in his office. He had a desktop in front of him, papers piled everywhere, and a half drank cup of black coffee neatly on a coaster.

“I am so sorry I’m late, the freeway was backed up like crazy and- “ Beca stopped explaining as she looked up noticing that Shawn was holding up a key ring that held two shiny silver keys.

“Here you go, kid.” he said very calmly, like nothing, she reached out her shaky hands to grab them so gently. If only he’d known he’d basically given Beca the keys to her second heaven.

“J-just like that? You sa-said in the email ‘mm-eeting’ so I thought- I-I thought there would be more t-” Shawn interrupted Beca’s nearly incomprehensible stuttering

“Yep, that’s all. You get the keys to the mother studio, that’s it, done deal.” the sentence leaving Beca's mouth wide open. “Look, Mitchell, you’re good at what you do. You’ve got something going on there. So, you take those keys and I expect you to really _use_ that studio.” he said with a small hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth.

Her lips parted to sing praises but instead she brought her mouth into a smile and stood up “I will. Thank you, Shawn.” she said graciously and shook his hand, hoping he wouldn’t notice how sweaty they were. She walked out of the office as if she were walking on air, she waited till she was out of the view from the door to excitedly throw her fists through the air. She squeezed her eyes shut and whisper yelled a million ‘yeahs!’ unsure if he could hear. She then stopped immediately as soon as she heard him walking towards the door, pretending to have been casually walking down the hall towards the staircase. The tension in her chest vanished, firmly grasping the keys in her palm, as if they were going to fall right through her flesh and bones. _Chole was right… again._

She was more than excited, she now had someone else to share her excitedness with. Feeling her cheeks raise towards her eyes and lips pull back to the side, it was the biggest smile anyone had ever seen from this unenthusiastic, pessimistic, short stack. Her head _actually_ being held high for once, feeling proud like nothing could get in her way, she strolled out to her car and noticed the dent in the bumper and her heart skipped a beat, not even ‘a beat’ like two extra beats, she thought of that lovely songstress as she pulled out of the parking lot .

 

****

 

“Now that we've got that settled,  welcome to Blue Sea Apartments, Ms.Beale, here are your keys. If you need anything you can come down to the office, make a tenant request online, or use the suggestion box on the front desk.” The woman said, smiling as Chloe took the keys from her hands. Chloe looked down at the keys and looked back up at the woman and let out an excited squeal. She quickly unpacked the boxes and suitcases from her prius, seeing the minimal damage from Beca's car at the front, she recalled her smile, getting the wanting feeling again.

 

* * *

 

Two hours went by and Chloe managed to get all her things unpacked, and go grocery shopping. Chloe never did things slow, she did them fast and with energy. But she couldn't be more bugged, it turned out that she would be spending her first night in LA on her new apartment floor. The moving truck had the rest of her furniture, her bed, couch, coffee table, bookshelf, and end tables and drawers were all in a moving truck God knows where. So looks like she'll be laying on the floor in the dark. _Great._ She thought.

She tried to look for her wallet, and the she realized she left it in the car. She, quickly, was out the door and sped walked down the hall. She walked with her head down, looking down at her phone, about to text Beca when all of the sudden she was slammed into the floor with a flash of brown. _So this is what getting tackled feels like._ She thought to herself, thinking back to all the times she's tackled other people.

Her eyes clenched shut from the pain on her back and head, when she opened them she saw Beca looking down at her, breathing hard, looking directly into her eyes, almost with a sense of panic. Wide open and peering directly into Beca's denim eyes, getting lost in the storm, Chloe unconsciously licked her lips, heavily breathing, as she felt the weight and pressure of Beca's body on hers. Feeling her heart immediately stop when Beca cracked a smile.

“Hey there, neighbor.” She said chuckling under her breath, feeling the muscles in her stomach twitch. Unable to say anything, Chloe flushed looking directly at Beca's smiling face. Before being able to make the words come out of her mouth, Beca popped up extending her hand toward the breathless girl who lay on the floor. “You good? Sorry I attacked you, I am just... very excited.” She said as she lifted her up with an eager smile.

“Ye- yeah I'm fine, just caught me off guard.” Finally being able to make some syllables with her twisted tongue.

“What are you up to?” the question quickly brought her back down to earth and back to her attention. She couldn't even remember exactly what she'd been doing. Classic Chloe.

“Um I don't- I don't remember.” Chuckling at her words. Beca raised  her hand and dangled something shimmery in front of Chloe's eyes. Her eyes focusing, realizing those shimmery things were keys. She looked at Beca confused, her eyebrows pulled together, confused by the small action. _Are those_ _my apartment keys?_

“My boss gave me…” she waited for Beca to stop pausing for effect. “The keys to the big studio!” She shouted a little too loud for being in a narrow hallway. Chloe's body reacting first, lifting Beca's small body off the ground into a tight embrace.

“Oh my God, Beca, that's so awesome! Oh my God! Oh my God!” She shook her left to right, left to right, like a rag doll.

“Dude! I know, I know! Can you stop strangling me though?” Beca barely being able to squeeze out the words from lack of breath, finally getting her to put her Beca rag doll back down into a _normal_ bone-crushing hug.

“This is so great.” She finally said, pulling away to look at Beca, looking her in the eyes, feeling the love radiating off her as she pulled her back in.

“I am so proud of you, Beca.” She said into her hair, in one last hug. Let her go finally. Smiling and chuckling with Beca as they walk down the hall just chatting about the matter of her promotion. 

 

* * *

 

 _Invite her in._ The voice in Chloe's head told her. Almost like a reflex Chloe said, “Do you want to come in?”

“Yeah, sure, I wanna see what your bachelorette pad looks like.” Beca teased with a cute wink. Chloe unlocked the door leading the way into her little home. Some of her clothes in boxes still due to lack of a  dresser to put them in, and all her kitchen utensils and groceries stored in their designated cupboards and cabinets. Beca took a walk around, seeing that she had no furniture Beca asked, “Chlo?” She looked at her from the doorway of the bedroom, “Do you have a bed or...?”

“I do, yeah, it's just in a moving truck... somewhere.” She said with a light sigh.

“You don't have to sleep on the floor, you can come crash on my couch until it gets here.” Beca offered.

“Oh, no, I couldn't impose it's fi-” cut off by Beca.

“Dude, don't worry, you could never impose, just until your bed gets here.” She said, not really offering anymore but telling her.

“I mean, only if you're comf-” cut off again

“Dude, you're staying on my couch till you get a bed.” Beca told her.

“Thank you so much, Bec, I really appreciate it.” With a small grin across her face. Beca walking out to the kitchen passing by Chloe.

“Yeah, totally, don’t mention it. Now you need to get dressed.” Beca said signaling for Chloe to follow out the door and into her apartment.

 

* * *

 

Quickly trailing Beca into her humble abode, seeing how everything in her apartment looked like something out of a catalog. She grinned when she saw a desk in the corner with a Mac, and sound boards, and music sheets, and sticky notes all over it. _That's where the magic happens._ She then wistfully thought back to that night after Beca got arrested, and seeing her equipment on her desk for the first time.

 

* * *

 

**“Hey!” They all greeted the surprised ex-vandal, as she opened the door.**

**“You guys waited up for me?” She asked touched by the loyalty.**

**“Of course we waited up for you.”**

* * *

 

She followed Beca into the kitchen, and watched her get on her tiptoes to reach the top cabinet, and pulled out a bottle of tequila along with two shot glasses. Chloe asked, “Why do I have to get dressed?” As she took the shot from Beca's small hands, gently brushing her finger against hers.

“Because, we're going out tonight.” Beca said, pouring her own shot. Chloe swallowed the harsh liquid, wincing a little at the burn down her throat.

“I thought we'd be going out to the bar across the street?” She asked.

“Nope. We're going to a club.” She said as she threw back her shot, drinking it like a champ. “Cool?” she asked.

“Totes.” Chloe smiled. “Let me go get dressed.” As she walked back to her apartment.

She bolted to where the boxes of clothes were, quickly picking out one dress out of the box and slipped into it. She lightly brushed some black eyeliner along her water line and applied a shimmery lip gloss over her full strawberry lips. She stepped into her black open toed shoes, and began casually walking over to Beca's door, giving three knocks.

“Let's remix this-” her words fell back into the recesses of her throat. Chloe giggled at her reaction, bringing her back into the moment. She cleared her throat trying to make her words resurface.

“You uh you're a sight for sore eyes.” She told her, looking down at the keys in her hand as she struggled to find the one that locks the door.

“You ready?” Chloe asked her, feeling quite pleased with Beca's reaction.

“Y-yeah um let's remix this business.” still completely breath taken as she closed her door and locked it behind her.

 

****

 

Beca tapped anxiously on the steering wheel, and looked over to the strikingly gorgeous ginger in her passengers seat. The butterflies deep in her stomach fluterring, seeing how the nude pink color accented Chloe's smooth tan skin, and wildfire waves that sat on her head and fell perfectly down her shoulders. Tightly gripping the wheel, Beca tried to focus on the road ahead of her.

 

****

 

Chloe stared at Beca from the corner of her eye, as she fiddled with the hem of her dress. _Good God, look at those legs._ Chloe bit her lip, looking at Beca's smooth pale skin in that short black dress, and the way her long brown curls fell over her shoulder.  _God, her hair is so beautiful_.

“So, where is this club?” Chloe said, breaking the silence.

“We're almost there, just a little further.” Chloe tried breathing in to try to swallow her nerve.

“What's this place called?” she asked in an effort to keep the silence minimal.

“It's called Posh. It's a really fun club, I think you'll like it."

"Oooh Posh, huh? Didn't think you'd ever wanna set foot into a place called _Posh_.” She jokingly nudged Beca.

“I didn't think so either.” She chuckled as they squashed the awkward tension. Finally, after a very short eternity of one minute, they pulled into the parking lot of the club. Already hearing the booming music from inside, Chloe eagerly reached for the handle when Beca stopped her. “Let me get it.” She said as she exited the car, circling around to Chloe's door. Giddly laughing at the cute gesture, the door opened and she saw Beca grinning as she looked her up and down in an unsuccessful attempt to be slick about it.

“Thank you.” Chloe said as she got out of the car. Beca linked there arms to together, the fire igniting as soon as their skin made contact. Chloe decided it'd be better to focus on the noise their heels made against the pavement to silence her skin. _Click clack click clack._ They approached the door, and the bouncer only gave a simple, acknowledging nod towards Beca as they walked in.

“A little famous are we?” Chloe said into Beca’s ear, letting her breath linger there for too long.

“Not famous yet, but _very_ well known.” Beca locked her fingers with Chloe's, as they made their way past the dance floor. When they got to the bar Beca screamed “Ronnie!” Chloe looked at her wondering what the hell she was doing. The man on the server side of the bar came over.

“Bec! What's up? What can I do you for?” He greeted her enthusiastically, having to yell over the music, giving a high five from across the bar to both Chloe and Beca. “Who's this little red hot?” he asked, referring to Chloe as she giggled and looked towards Beca.

“This, gorgeous specimen,” she said looking at Chloe with a grin, “Is my best friend, Chloe! She just moved here!” She yelled. Chloe's stomach jumped, having heard her name after ‘gorgeous’.

“First rounds on the house! Second one is all you, no matter how many times you make those puppy eyes at me, doll face!” He shouted jokingly giving Beca two shots, she handed one to Chloe and they threw it back.

 

****

 

Fifteen minutes had gone by sitting  crookedly on their stools “Come on! Just one more!” Beca begged Chloe.

“If I didn't know any better, I'd say you, Beca Mitchell, are trying to get me drunk.” Chloe said, tipsy and flirty, with a smirk on her face.

“I don't have to get you drunk, you're already there. Just one more!” Beca told her, watching as she bit into a lime, seeing her throw it back fearlessly. “Had enough jiggle juice?”

“Oh yeah definitely! Now let's go dance!” She said, barely giving Beca enough time to get off her seat before dragging her out to the crowd of tangled bodies, the music blaring.

 _Baby, I'll learn to touch you_  
_I wanna breathe into your well_  
_See, I gotta to hunt you_  
_I gotta to bring you to my hell_  
_Baby, I wanna fuck you,_ _  
__I WANNA FEEL YOU IN MY_ _BONES_

Becoming part of the song as their bodies begin to sway, Beca looked at Chloe, staring at her, she pulled Beca in closer and wrapped her arms around her neck, rolling her hips to the song, and pressing up against her. Beca’s body moving with hers, as her hands made their way down to her lower back. Chloe took her hips down to the floor, her head rolling back, bringing herself back up to face Beca.

The look in her eyes sent a jolt through Beca. _Oh God. Oh my God._ The voice in her head panicked. Before she could decide not to, Beca turned herself around, pressing her backside into Chloe, rolling her hips, making perfect figure eights on Chloe's front. She running her hands down Beca's thighs, to her surprise, and her head had been right above her ear. Beca asked her, “Having fun?”

She pressed her lips up against her ear, touching the skin. “Oh, honey, I am just getting started.” she said in a light growl. Beca's heart thumped against her chest, unsure if she was supposed to interpret that as a warning.

 _DESIRE, I'm hungry_  
_I hope you feed me_  
_how do you want me, how do you want me?_  
_how do you want me, how do you want me?_  
_how do you want me, how do you want me?_ _  
_ how do you want me, how do you want me?

The lyrics intensifying every movement, every one of the five senses being heightened. The smell of Chloe completely filling her nose, feeling each goosebump on her skin, hearing each breath, tasting all the lime and tequila, watching her move. For Bellas, dancing could be equal to sex. Well... unless you’re Stacie, then foreplay maybe. They still swayed even as the music changed, their bodies pressed together, sweating, and breathing hard as their feet and hips register each beat.

Their bodies syncopated to the movement of each other, singing unspoken harmonies with every breath they take. “Last call!” Ronnie shouted into the mic, breaking the barrier between them and the other people that moved beside them. Beca walked back to the bar and waited for Chloe to get back from the bathroom so they could go, when she was tapped on the shoulder by a man in a suit.

“I’ve seen you dancing all night, can I buy you a drink?” He asked Beca. She was lost in her head, still lingering in the feeling of Chloe's god like presence. She had heard what he said, but she was still trying to find the words underneath all her Chloe induced ecstasy. Before she could answer, a shot was placed in her hand, and the man nursing his whiskey, watched her expectantly. She immediately saw Chloe come out from between the masses of people, she signaled her with her eyes right away. Chloe right about ran over to the bar, grabbing a handful of Beca's rear, and pressed her lips against her neck, ignoring the heat on her skin, she looked at her.

“Ready to go, babe?” Chloe asked.

“Yeah, come on let's blow this popsicle stand.” Beca winked at him, setting the shot glass on the bar top, and leaving the man with his jaw on the ground.

 

****

 

Laughing as their Uber dropped them off in front of the sleeping complex, trying to hush the laughter, singing old Bella mixes off key and off beat in the elevator. Beca fumbled her keys at the door and when she bent to get them, and she toppled over and fell into the carpet. Chloe looked at her reaction first, seeing that Beca's mouth was wide open, almost in a smile, like a cave of just endless drunken laughter. She laughed along  “Are you okay?” she reached out her hand and the look on Beca's face changed when she grabbed her hand. Chloe had just been watching her and all of the sudden she was yanked to the floor too. After falling on top of Beca, she rolled off, laughing and laughing “Beca, you butt!” She said through the laughter, Beca had a smug, half-drunk smile on her face, both sitting on the floor of the hallway drunk and stupid.

As they were getting into the apartment, Beca had meant to close the door quietly but instead she slammed it. “Beca, shhh!” Chloe whisper yelled, with more yelling and giggles than the whisper part. Their fingers intertwined as Beca pulled them to the living room. Chloe let go making her way to the red sofa and she tripped on the edge of the corner table, falling onto the matching red ottoman. Laughing, laughing, laughing, as Chloe crawled onto the couch, Beca laying with her, facing her back, her red hair in her face.

“Do you remember that time we went to the BU bar and you threw up all over Jesse's feet?” Chloe barely being able to get out one word.

“Oh my gosh, that was so embarrassing!” Beca laughed. She rolled over on her side and looked Beca in the face.“Or that time we were having a mixer and you _‘accidentally’_ pushed Tom into the pool?”  She said as she traced her fingers over Chloe's shoulder as the laughter died down.

Chloe watched her, their noses almost touching, but not quite. They were breathing each other's air, stuck in their atmospheres, and then Beca sighed as she propped herself up on the couch. “Okay, it's time for me to crash out, hot stuff.” She said as she swatted Chloe with a pillow. Beca put a blanket over her, Chloe pulled her in closer.

“Sweet dreams.” She whispered with a smile, her warm breath on Beca's lips, feeling the wanting feeling again, bringing their foreheads together.

“You too, Chlo.” she said, enjoying this small bit of innocent physical contact before she pulled away, and walked over to her room.

 

****

 

Beca kicked off her shoes, going to bed in her dress, not even bothering to change. That’s the type of tired you’re supposed to be.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song playing in the club is real. It's called Desire by Meg Meyers.


	4. Aspirin is a Girls Best Friend

* * *

 

Beca’s bloodshot eyes opened, being blinded by the light coming through the window, an axe in her head. She felt an overwhelming amount of spit rush to her mouth, getting off the bed, stumbling to the bathroom. She leaned her head over the toilet and let it rip. The fire in her throat a second time burned a lot worse, tasting the sour liquid mixed with stomach acid. Leaning on her arm for a minute, catching her breath, she regretted the decision to take so many shots. She cupped the cool water in her hands, sipping and swishing and spitting in the sink.

She looked up at the mirror, her signature black eye makeup slightly smudged, and her light skin looking a little green as she felt the spit coming back up her throat to her mouth again, hunching over the toilet, her body purging the alcohol from her stomach. _Rinse and repeat._ She thought to herself, as she spat the dirty water from her mouth back out into the sink. She forced herself to open her eyes and stand, her head spinning and pounding as she walked toward the living room.

She yawned and rubbed her eyes and she opened them to find Chloe sprawled out across the couch her foot dangling off the side, arm draped over the ledge, and… _Oh myyyyyyyyyyy God._ Chloe had taken her dress off, only wearing a lacey tiffany blue lingerie set. She had been slightly snoring, and her mouth open, and a little white line of drool trailed down her chin. She stood there, holding back a laugh, and grinning at the sight. She crept by in an effort to not wake the almost-naked girl on her couch.

She chugged as much water as she possibly could and took some aspirin. She popped a k-cup into the keurig and took one white marble patterned mug out of the cupboard.

Beca turned to set her coffee on the table, immediately jumped out of her own skin when she heard Chloe yawn behind her “Mornin’, Bec.” as she rubbed her nose, with one hand resting on her stomach. Beca nearly dropped the whole mug, spilling some coffee on the floor.

“Jesus christ, Chlo!” Beca exclaimed, quickly setting the coffee down on the counter and grabbing the paper towels to clean up the mess. “Sneaking up on me in my own home, are you happy now, 007?” she asked sarcastically, as she wiped up the floor, trying not to look up at Chloe and her tight toned abs.

“Extremely.” she grinned, patting her head as she walked by. “A little overdressed for breakfast are we?” she teased, taking a seat at the small table in the corner of the kitchen. She put her elbows on the table, as she began rubbing her temples.

“And someone's a little underdressed for breakfast.” replied with a smug chuckle, as she referred to her _almost_ nakedness. She picked up her coffee and walked over to where Chloe sat, setting a long glass of water in front of her along with two aspirins.

“Breakfast of champions.” she muttered, putting the small pills in her hand, her tongue sending them down her throat. Drinking the water as if it were the first glass and last glass she’ll ever have.

 

****

 

“Coffee?” Beca asked, Chloe’s eyelids came together at the volume of Beca's voice.

“Yes please. With-” Beca began reading her mind, saying the unsaid words that sat on her tongue.

“No sugar, light roast, and french vanilla creamer with no dairy.” the keurig already brewing it, as Beca opened a new bottle of creamer. Chloe opened her eyes, seeing the bottle.

“Surprised you have creamer. I thought you liked your coffee black ‘like your soul’ ” she mocked.

“I do like it ‘black like my soul’, I got this from your apartment.” the words causing Chloe to smile. _Awe, she knows._ She thought to herself. Quickly adding “I hope that was okay.” bringing her coffee to her.

“Yeah, totes.” she said softly, thinking how funny it was that they’ve already made themselves at home in each others apartments. “Mmmm.” Chloe said as she brought the mug to her lips, tilting it to let the sweet caffeine flow from the mug over her taste buds. “You always get it just right.” she said, setting her cup down.

“That’s what she said.” Beca said in a low sing song voice, bringing the laughter from deep within Chloe’s hangover. “So Chlo,” she said through her own laughter, “You should get ready and stuff before we leave.” Chloe looked at the clock hanging on the wall. _It’s already one o’clock?_ She thought.

“Please tell me we’re not gonna do the exact same thing again? I don’t think my liver can take it.” she said exhaustedly. Beca turned her back to Chloe, motioning her to unzip her dress, Chloe mindlessly doing so.

“No, we’re not doing it again… yet. But we are going out, so get dressed, lazy bones.” pulling her dress down to her ankles in the middle of the kitchen, exposing her white skin and black lace underwear. She patted her shoulder as she walked over to the sink putting her cup inside. “I’m gonna go get ready, um help yourself to anything in the fridge, make yourself at home or whatever.” picking up her dress leaving Chloe sitting in the kitchen, finishing her coffee.

  

****

 

“Now everybody ask me why I'm smiling out from ear to ear. But I know, nothing's perfect but it's worth it, after fighting through my tears and finally you put me first.” Beca sang as she turned on the water for the shower and unwrapped the towel from her body. Humming the tune as she felt the water run over her hand waiting for the heat. “Baby, it's you, you're the one I love. You're the one I need. You're the only one I see, come on, baby, it's you.” Hitting that high note with grace, the water trickling down her face and body.

“Hey, Becs?” Chloe said opening the shower door interrupting her ‘stage time’ yet again, like she had five years ago.

 

* * *

 

**“I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. Fire away, fire away. Ricochet, you take your aim-”**

**“You can sing!” Beca turned quickly, shocked to see that bubbly acapella girl from the activities fair, putting her loofa to her chest reaching to close the curtain, absolutely mortified.**

**“Dude!” She yelled at the intruder.**

**“How high does your belt go?” She asked blatantly ignoring Beca's panic, turning off the water. The girl droning on about singing backup for Prince and how his butt is small and her ‘lady jams’ or whatever. “I'm not leaving here until you sing so.” She said persistent and determined, standing in her birthday suit in Beca's shower stall, letting out an exaggerated sigh, not buckling under the awkward and uncomfortable nudity. Beca finally giving in, just wanting this girl to leave**

**“I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. Fire away fire away.” Jumping into the song, they both sang, their harmonies were beautifully impeccable. As if all the music in the world was just inside this one stall, it was perfect.**

* * *

 

“Sup, Chlo?” Beca answered finishing the small flash back, massaging the suds out of her hair, not bothering to cover her parts, feeling quite bashful but giving no hint to it. She turned to face Chloe.

 

****

 

The letters from her once structured sentence choking her, looking at Beca. Clearing her throat.

“Do I have to be casually dressed or like dressed dressed? And do you have something I can wear? Everything I have smells like cardboard box.” She said chuckling awkwardly, trying so hard to keep eye contact so her eyes wouldn’t wonder.

“Uh yeah sure there should be something in the closet, go ahead and take a look if you want, _casually_ dressed, Chlo. Don't go all prom queen on me.” she teased. Chloe cleared her throat one more time, trying to not to stare at her perfect skin, Beca misunderstood her.

“Is my junk bothering you? I'm sorry I'm 'pretty confident about all this’” she said in her best impression of her. Laughing as she left the bathroom,

“You should be.” Saying as she waltzed over and flopped onto her bed.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That song she's singing is real, it's Beyonces Love on Top just in case anyone was wondering :)


	5. She is So Not Jelly

* * *

 

“So, where are we going?” Chloe asked as they made their way through the apartment.

“Well, first things first. We’re going to take your car to go get fixed, across the street where we left my car, and then take my car from across the street to get fixed too,” she said grabbing her wallet and car keys. “And then we’re gonna go my _new_ studio,” revealing a girlish smile, as she said ‘new’. “And then we can take an Uber wherever you want to go, and figure the rest out along the way.” smiling as her last words came out so sweet and simple. She locked the door behind her, and she looked toward the right at Chloe’s door. She waited for Chloe to finish unlocking the door. Chloe quickly walked in, she grabbed her mini baby pink backpack, and her car keys, then she was back out to quickly close the door behind her.

 

****

 

As they climbed into the white Prius, Beca pulled out a flash drive. “Whatcha got there?” Chloe asked curiously grinning. _Please be a mix, please be a mix._ Mentally crossing her fingers.

“You’ll see.” Beca said, plugging it into the USB port. The music starting. _Oh my God._ Her eyebrows shot up, realizing what exactly Beca had put on this drive.

“Seems like everybody’s got a price. I wonder how they sleep at night, when the sale comes first, and the truth comes second, just stop for a minute and, smile. Everybody look to the left, everybody look to the right, can you feel that yeah, we’re payin’ with love tonight,” Beca sang, looking at Chloe from the passengers side.

_It ain’t all about the money._

Chloe smiled during the small pause in between the chorus. "It's not about the money, money, money. We don’t need your money, money, money.” _I can’t believe she has this._ She thought as she danced in driver's seat, one hand off the steering wheel. That one little red flash drive, held all of their ICCA performances. Including Beca’s first performance, the set that changed the Bellas reputation, their second year at nationals, their third year, completely avoiding the fourth year due to the shameful ‘Muffgate’ incident, and their last performance at worlds. Chloe’s eye began to fill with tears, remembering all those competitions but loving the memory of her Bella’s. Beca quickly turning the volume down.

“Dude, are you okay? Shit, did I upset you? Oh fuck, I’m so-”

“No, no, you didn’t. In fact, where did you get this? _How_ did you get this?  I love it so much. Can I have one?” she said as she wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand, sniffling and laughing as they drove.

“Well, do you remember ‘acapellas biggest fan’?” Beca asked, saying the title sarcastically. “Well, he tracked me down and emailed me one day, for some unknown reason, and he said he had all of our performances. So I asked him to send them to me, and I put them on a flash drive.” Beca said like it wasn’t a big deal in her 'Beca' tone. “I’ve been listening to it for months, on days when I need fun.” she said brightly with a hint of her true softy-self. Chloe smiled, looking onto the road

“He had all of them? That’s so sweet.” she said, emitting light from her bright smile. Her face pulling her eyebrows into a puzzled expression, “And a little creepy.” she pointed out the oddness of the situation, unable to stifle her laughter. Beca dying in her seat, leaning against the door.

“I know right!” Beca saying through a small laugh, slapping Chloe’s thigh. “I can make you a flash drive when, if you want?” offering as Chloe pulled into the parking lot across the street from Posh, looking completely dead compared to the swarm of cars the night before.

“Um DUh, of course I want one, that would be awes.” smiling as she pulled up in front of the body shop, where she would leave her car. Beca getting out, sneaking up on the mechanic underneath a car in the garage.

“Sam!” her scream followed by a thud from under the car and the thud followed by laughter.

“Damn it, Beca!” he scolded as he rolled out. A James Dean looking character, tall, strong jawline, very built with curly blonde hair and green eyes. There was black smudges all over his face but a very dark black one where he hit his head.

“Oh, baby.” she said apologetically, as she got a nearby rag and got on her tippy toes to rub the greasy oil stain off. Chloe's blue eyes almost turning green with envy. _Baby? Are they together? Why wouldn’t she tell me?_ Standing with her arms crossed, and an awkward smile since she had yet to be introduced. She just stood there stewing in her head, thinking of why she hasn’t even said anything at all. It wasn’t until she heard her name that she snapped out of it.

“I’m sorry, what?” Chloe asked having missed whatever type of interaction just happened.

“I _said_ ,” Beca repeated, teasingly raising her eyebrows, “This is Sam. He’s gonna be working on our cars.” she looked up at him and smiled, Chloe's eyes narrowing, seeing Beca's hand wrapped around his bicep and the other hand moving up and down his lower arm. Chloe only hearing ‘This is Sam.’ and the lack of a title. _Okay so she didn’t say boyfriend, but are they just friends? Are they strictly a friendly customer-employee relationship? Do they know each other well? Are they friends with benefits? I mean Beca doesn’t seem like that type of girl, does she? No of course not this is Beca. Or what if she is that type of girl now that she’s in LA?_ Chloe’s mind was now at a full sprint as she greeted the title-less stranger, with a firm handshake and an unenthusiastic smile. “And this lovely lady is my extremely talented and beautiful best friend, Chloe Beale.” Beca said with a smile plastered to her face. Chloe internally smiling at her intro, but giving no hint on the surface, just her forced and unwilling smile.

“Thanks, Bec.” she said in her shiny fake-nice plastic voice, “So nice to meet you.” her voice sounding off, as she quickly let go of his hand, Beca had been looking at her, assessing her attitude and taking note of facial expressions. 

“Okay, so, I’m gonna leave her keys and my keys with you, my car is parked across the street, if you can go get it that’d be awesome sauce. Chlo, do you need anything from the car?” Beca said disrupting the tension coming from Chloe’s death stare.

“Nope, got everything thanks.” Chloe said keeping it quick and short, breaking eye contact between her and Sam, as she whipped her head around and swiftly started to walk to the sidewalk outside.

“Okay then… Sam, take care of our child, I’ll be back soon.” she said, before jumping up to leave a peck on his cheek. 

 

* * *

 

They walked up the street in silence, toward a small cafe. Chloe peered at her through the corner of her eye, wondering why on Earth she hasn't even mentioned a guy to her, even if it wasn't an item yet. She wanted to ask, but at the same time, not wanting to sound nosey and intrusive.

Another ten minutes in silence go by, as they sat outside on the patio of the cafe, silently picking at their muffins and sipping their mimosas. “So, you wanna tell me why you're pissed?” Beca let out with an exasperated sigh, obviously tired of the insufferable silence.

“I'm not pissed!” Chloe snapped, not realizing how loud she was, lowering her voice “I'm not pissed I'm ju-”

“Chlo, come on, I know you're pissed because you're not _raving_ about his jawline and you were staring him down.”

“Okay, I was _not_ staring him dow-”

“Dude, yes you were! You should've seen your face! You were looking at him like you looked at Emily when she cost us that riff off against DSM.” Beca argued back. Chloe found herself unable to stay angry, she just couldn't choke down the laughter anymore after Beca having said that.

“That bad, huh?” Saying through the laughter. Beca breaking her serious facade and giving into the humor of what she just said.

“Yeah that bad,” she said in between breathing breaks from laughing so hard. The small joke lightened up the moment enough to actually be mature about it.

“It's just that, you didn't tell me about you and Sam. Just seeing you guys be together really threw me off, because I didn't know and you tell me everything, we're best friends. And I don't know, I guess that's the only reason I'm mad, because you didn't tell me.” She said, Beca bursting out in hysterical laughter.

“Chloe?” Beca said with a smug tone.

“Yeah?” she said irritated, she crossed her arms and sat back waiting for an explanation.

“Me and Sam aren't together.” She simply said.

“Are you guys like,” she looked around before continuing to speak, “Friends with benefits?” She whispered, leaning across the table closer to Beca.

“Oh my goodness, no. We're not.” she said while trying to suppress a laugh.

“Well, then what's with the 'baby’ and the kisses and touching?” She asked, thinking she has her stuck in her little ‘lie corner’, as she liked to call it.

“Well, you there's a lot more to Sam than you might think.”

“Like what?” Chloe said thinking she obviously got her.

“Like, he can really grill some steak. Um he's a crazy car enthusiast. He can sing and play the guitar and the piano,” Chloe growing slightly uninterested with the unnecessary list. “Oh and one more little detail, he's dating my coworker Kendall.” She casually said, taking a sip of her mimosa patiently waiting for the reaction. Chloe's eyes going wide.

“He's gay!” Chloe screamed, two tables over looking in their direction. Beca seemed to be satisfied with her reaction, giving a smug grin as she put her glass down.

“Yep.” Letting the p pop out from her lips. “Like super gay.” She smirked at Chloe, “And _you_ ,” pointing her finger at her, “Were jealous of him weren't you?” Chloe scoffed at the accusation.

“I was not jealous of him, I was just-” unable to find any other reason really.

“And you do know you have no reason to be jealous of him right?” Beca asked, still amused with the situation.

“Well, the way you described him, other than the gay thing, he sounds like the total package, and you guys seemed crazy close. You kissed his cheek and called him ‘baby’, and told him to take care of your ‘child’, and I just thought that you would just start bringing him all over the place. I thought you would kind of forget that I'm here too.” Chloe said in a gloomy tone.

“Oh, dude, I wouldn't forget that you're here.” She assured her as she reached over to rest her hand on Chloe's. “And really he's not my type.” She assured her as she drew her hand back to hers.

“So tall and muscular, who can sing by the way, is not your type?” She asked through a laugh. “If he's not exactly your type, then what is?” the waiter coming by to pick up the check.

“Well, definitely not gay men for starters.” she said putting twenty-five dollars on the table as she got up to push in her chair.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chloe is definitely the jealous type, don't you think?


	6. Some Type of Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to go back and change a few things there was a mistake in the chapters! Thanks for pointing it out ME_89

* * *

 

Finally getting to the studio, Beca looking at Chloe with a crazy excited smile as she turned the key and opened the door to her new studio, she had not yet been inside. Walking in and feeling a surge of just accomplishment, seeing how running off to LA to be 'P Diddy’ paid off. Running to sit on the rolly chair and pushing off the wall and spinning towards Chloe, who had been watching her enjoy this professional and sophisticated studio like a child in a toy store.

She got off the rolly chair and walked over to the sofa in the back and looked through a box for one frame. She made her way over to the wall next to the door of the sound booth, and she placed the frame on the nail protruding through the red paint. She took a step back to admire it, tears coming to her eyes as she looked at the graduation picture of the Bella's in their emerald robes in front of the Bella house, feeling the nostalgia take over. _Thanks nerds_. She thought to herself, she felt tears coming out of the corners of her eyes, she quickly dabbed them away when she felt Chloe's hand on her shoulder.

“I'm so proud of you.” Chloe said staring at the picture with her. She grabbed the hand that rested on her shoulder and gave Chloe a small thankful smile.

“Do you wanna mess around with the equipment?” Beca asked her, watching her eyes fill with childlike enthusiasm.

“Um ya, of course I do.” Chloe said in her trademark 'DUh’ voice. She lead Chloe into the sound booth, telling her how it works so she doesn't break any of her new play things. Getting back into the studio, and sat in the rolly chair.

“You ready?” She asked eager to press some buttons.

“Always.” Chloe began singing and Beca going nuts with the soundboard, putting beats together, building completely around Chloe's voice. Just messing around.

 

* * *

 

Two hours had gone by and they've been singing, and dancing in and around the sound booth, and studio. Sitting on the sofa with her head leaned back, just feeling perfectly in place. She looked at Chloe who'd been sitting there beside her. “You ready to go?” She asked tiredly seeing her pick her head up and look at her

“Yeah let's go.” She said happily exhausted. Their Uber had gotten there, they walked out down the stairs and into the lobby. Sitting in almost completely in silence as they headed back to the body shop to get Chloe's car.

 

****

 

“Sammy!” Beca yelled at the foot of the garage, Chloe noticed that Beca's mustang had not been there anymore.

“Hey, Bec, how was work?” He said coming out of an office toward the back wall, wiping his hands with a rag.

“It was great, where's-”

“Left it at your apartment, in your parking spot.” He said as he tossed the keys to her, surprisingly catching them.

“You’re a peach. Thank you so much.” Beca said pulling him into a hug. Chloe was still feeling a little not okay with him, even if he was gay. She walked over to her car, to look at his handy work at the front. It looked as good as new.

“Thank you, Sam.” Chloe said, trying to be civil. He nodded acknowledging her thanks.

“No problem.” He said as he gave her the keys, looking over at Beca, seeing the smug and almost evil grin she was sporting, then it quickly disappeared when Sam turned around.

“You want me to drive?”

“That would be great thanks.” Chloe smiled passing her to go around to the passengers side, putting the keys in her hand.

“See you around, my guy.” She said to Sam, as she backed out of the garage. Pulling out onto the street, and beginning to drive. “Chlo?” She said five minutes into the drive.

“Yeah?”

“Where are we going?” She asked curious since they just started driving without thinking about where they would go.

“Um let's just drive for a little.” Chloe answered, turning up the volume listening to Beca’s flash drive of Bella performances.

 

* * *

 

She woke up to the sound of keys tinkling together, she opened her eyes, and saw that they were parked in front of their apartment complex. Looking over to see Beca unloading things from the back seat. Beca saw that she had finally woken up. “Morning, sunshine.”  she said as she got around to her side and popped open the door.

“How long was I out?” Yawning as she stretched out before getting out if the car.

“Long enough for me to get stuff to make dinner.” She said as she stuffed her wallet into her back pocket, picking up the grocery bags with one hand and her keys in the other. Walking up to the door, Beca's hands full. “Chloe, give me a hand?” She grabbed a bag and waited for her to get the door open. Setting the bag down on the table, looking over at Beca getting out two pots and a strainer, unpacking the food from the bags.

“Beca, are you gonna cook?” Chloe asked with exaggerated surprise.

“Yes, I am gonna cook,” she rolled her eyes in a sarcastic 'totally over it’ smile. “And no you won't get food poisoning, no it's not some crazy five course meal. Just something simple my mom taught me.” She said and she held the pot underneath the faucet, filling it with water.

“Can I be of assistance?” She asked as she began to unpack the other grocery bag. “I'm pretty good in the kitchen.”

“Sure, I guess I could use the help.” She said getting two beers from the fridge handing one to Chloe.

 

****

 

“Let me go get into my pajamas first.” She took a big swig from her bottle before setting it down on a coaster. About ten minutes later, Chloe came back in one big BU t-shirt and her hair up in a sloppy bun. Beca turned around to face her, seeing the adorable 'pajamas’ she had put on. Turning on her speaker playing music, she put the noodles in the boiling water, and started seasoning the sauce in the small pan, and the ground beef in the frying pan. No Diggity playing as they danced throughout the kitchen, Chloe and Beca laughing it up.

_I like the way you work it_

_No diggity, I got to bag it up, bag it up_

_I like the way you work it_

_No diggity, I got to bag it up, bag it up_

_I like the way you work it_

_No diggity, I got to bag it up, bag it up_

_I like the way you work it_

_No diggity, I got to bag it up, bag it up_

Two beers in their system, completely going wild in this small kitchen, making jokes about that one time Jesse somehow managed to burn water. Beca dipped her finger in the sauce to taste it, Chloe saw the sauce and took her by the wrist and put her finger in her mouth. Beca felt her tongue move so very slightly, feeling her teeth graze the skin as she pulled it out. She literally did not breathe for that whole moment, scared if she even exhaled the least bit, she'd scare her away. Chloe looked at her as she released her fingertip from the top of her tongue, from between her teeth, and finally pulling from her lips. Looking at her with those long eyelashes and pink pouty lips.

“Needs a little more salt.” she said innocently, like she had no idea she had literally just taken her breath away. She opened her mouth but the words wouldn't come out, and she literally started choking and coughing on air, she grabbed her beer and took a swig to calm her throat, breathing heavily, hyperventilating now, she leaned up against the wall unable to hear anything outside the ringing in her ears and the pounding heart in her chest. The room suddenly got smaller, she felt muscles tightening, she knew she was breathing but she couldn't feel it, her face red and hot, panicking. “Beca? Beca? Beca look at me!” Chloe panicked too, nearly breaking out into tears as she watched this panic attack unravel.

Beca’s eyes darting around the kitchen, looking at the clock, the sink, the coffee maker, and then finally setting on the face in front of her. She could see Chloe searching her eyes and face for anything, any hint really. “Beca?” she felt a grip on her shaking wrists, seeing a blur of a figure in front of her. Her vision finally clearing up feeling the tears rolling out of her eyes, her vision clearing but the weight still on her lungs. She felt Chloe cup her cheeks, her worried blue eyes looking at her, trying to find anything at all. “Beca?” she said softly, the weight lifted more and more and her muscles began relaxing the more she focused on her eyes. Finally after opening her mouth, words actually coming out, Chloe watching her move her lips.

“Medicine cabinet.” Beca muttered. Chloe nodding her head quickly.

“What do you need from there, honey?” she quickly asked, trying to keep eye contact, watching her like a hawk like if she were about to roll over and die.

“Get my pills, please.” she said calmly trying to find her head. Chloe sprinted to the bathroom, looking through the cabinet for the pills, pulling out a prescription bottle of some sort of medication and sprinted back to the kitchen getting a glass of water, falling to her knees in front of Beca. She handed her the bottle, watching her take one and swallowing it with a chug of water.

 

****

 

They'd been sitting on the kitchen floor for five minutes, Chloe sat beside her in the small space, with an arm around her thinking what the hell just happened. Beca finally got up and Chloe stood up with her just to be safe. Beca took a rag and wiped down the counter, she tasted the sauce one more time and mixed the meat with the sauce and then with the noodles, Chloe watching her go about her business like she hadn't just had an attack on the kitchen floor.

She sat back in her chair at the table with a half full plate of spaghetti in front of her, breathing in and out slowly. “Hey, Beca?” Chloe timidly asked, bravely breaking the silence.

“Hm?” she hummed looking down at her food.

“Can I ask you a question?” she was watching her lift her head to look at her, with tired eyes and a weary smile.

“Shoot.” She said quietly. Chloe feeling a little uneasy about asking the question.

“How do you make spaghetti so well? It's delicious.” She said bailing on her original question.

“My mom taught me how.” She said simply and quietly.

“Bec?”

“Hm?” She hummed again opening her eyes looking at her.

“That's uh not actually what I wanted to ask?” She paused for a second staring at Beca pull her eyebrows into a pouty frown.

“What did you wanna ask me?” She frowned as she reached her hand across the table. Chloe took her hand and took a deep breath in before saying anything.

“What just happened to you before?” she asked in a soft worried tone.

“I have anxiety and I have really really bad attacks sometimes randomly or when I can't handle too much of something.” She said quietly like if she spoke low Chloe would drop it. Chloe remembering this same discussion from sophomore year before the ICCA’s. Her heart sank a little. _Did I set her off?_

“Did I do this? You can tell me if I did it’ll be alright.” She asked concerned and a little heart broken.

“No, no, it was nothing you did. Well… it kind of was. Touching people freaks me out, and the ones that make me feel… some type of way freak me out.” She said very lightly and calmly. Not the Beca she was used to, the Beca she was used to would act like nothing happened and run from the conversation. But this Beca was calm. And honest, brutally honest. Beca would never tell her that something she might've done set her off. She would've hid it. After something like that Beca would've gotten extremely awkward or yelled ‘dude’ really loud in her high pitched voice. _What does that mean? Make her ‘feel some type of way’?_

“Do I make you feel some type of way?” she asked taking advantage of Beca’s calm and honest moment.

“Yeah, you do.” she leaned her face on her palm

“What do you mean by ‘some type of way’?” she asked movin her thumb back and forth on Beca’s hand, not so much to soothe Beca but to soothe herself. Waiting for an answer, and she realized Beca had dozed off in the middle of their conversation. _Damn it_ . She carefully threw one of Beca’s arms over her shoulder propping her up, still half awake, helping her to her bed. She took off her pants and socks and laid her down under the covers with a kiss goodnight on her forehead.

 

* * *

 

She went to the sofa and laid down, laying there thinking why Beca had freaked out. She’d always known about her anxiety, she’s just never been the only one around. She laid there on the couch for a good fifteen minutes before, twiddling her fingers. _She needs you, go_ . She laid there a little longer considering it. _What are you waiting for? She’s your best friend and she’s alone in her bed after having an anxiety attack. A bad one, might I add_. She threw her blanket off her body and she walked over to Beca’s room.

Stopping at the doorway, seeing her curled up in a little ball. She climbed into the bed with her, carefully getting under the covers. Chloe slipped her arm around Beca’s waist and pulled her into a tight cuddle. Not that Beca needed it, though it was nice, but Chloe liked knowing she had her right there, safe with her. She laid her head between her shoulder and her neck, right at the dip.

She fell asleep, but then she felt the small body beside her shift away from her own. Feeling almost sad with the fact she moved away, but then Beca’s arm went between the mattress and Chloe’s body, wrapping around her waist and her other arm coming over and linking the fingers. She buried her head in her back, she was shaking. Chloe felt a smile rise up to her face, feeling Beca’s arms around her. Although that is one big deal, considering Beca hates most types of physical contact, she could still feel Beca shaking. The shaking turned into indistinct mumbles.

Beca mumbled, she started turning her head side to side, Chloe turned to face her. Her brushed her hair back from her face, placing her hand on her cheek, moving her thumb in circular motions along her cheekbone.

“Shhhhh, you’re okay.” she said quietly, Beca’s furrowed brow falling back into a more serene expression. She wrapped her in again, staying up as long as possible, running her fingers through her hair until she fell asleep.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want go back and read through chapters after five so it makes more sense.


	7. Let's Go

* * *

 

Beca’s eyes slowly opened, she smacked her lips, and when her eyes finally opened she focused on the word ‘University’. She’d been cuddled up against Chloe all night. _Where are my pants?_ She thought as she felt her bed sheets against her bare skin. Cuddling in deeper, she lifted her head a little to rest on her shoulder instead of her chest, and she accidentally woke Chloe up. She yawned so hard her face matched the description of her lion like mane. Chloe’s yawn making her want to yawn. “G’morning.” she said to her cuddle buddy.

 

****

 

“Morning,” she said as she smiled seeing how Beca was still wrapped around her. “Feeling better?” she smiled a little.

“A little bit, yeah.” Chloe’s mind throwing a small mind-party in celebration that her best friend was not so distressed.

“Do you remember anything at all from last night?” she asked curious, to see if maybe she remembered their conversation in the kitchen.

“Not really,” she said with a disappointed sigh, “I just remember freaking out mostly and taking my meds.”

“Yeah it was a bad one last night.” she said glumly, glad she didn’t remember their conversation and she wasn’t acting weird and distant. She moved to get up when Beca pulled on her wrist.

“Can we just lay here a little longer,” Chloe looking surprised that _Beca_ wanted to lay there just a little longer, with another human being _invading her space_. She was definitely not going to pass up that offer, so she complied and got back onto the bed next to Beca.

 

* * *

 

They laid down and just watched the dust float in and out of the sun beam that was coming from the cracked open blinds. Beca put her hand up in the light and just felt the sun on her skin

“Dude, feel this.” she said as she got Chloe's hand from the bed and lifting it up into the light. Chloe felt it hit her skin, her eyes amazed with the feeling of it on her hands. Beca looked up at her seeing the look in her eye, the way her mouth was opened just a little bit looking up where her hand was. Beca moved her hand in front of Chloe's, moving it in and out of the sunlight. “This is so cool, it’s like,” Beca paused for a minute thinking of what to say “It’s like,” she said again, still looking for a comparison, “Screw it, I don’t know what it’s like.” she said laughing, hearing the laughter build from Chloe’s chest.

“Oh my God, you’re such a dork.”

“Hey, I am not just _a_ dork, I'm _the_ dork.” She said pulling her arm back down, “I guess it's just not like anything.” Chloe thought about that. She liked that. ' _Not like anything_ ’. Beca sat up and looked Chloe directly in the eyes, “Chloe,” she looked at her with a serious face expecting something important, maybe something having to do with their conversation from last night. “I'm crazy hungry let's go.”

“Just like, _go_?”

“Yeah. Just like, go.” she bounced off the bed and pulled on some little black shorts and threw some navy blue ones at Chloe. “Put those on, hurry.” she moved her hair from her face and put on sunglasses and some slippers, grabbing her keys.

“Beca, wait, where?” she yelped as she was yanked off the bed in the middle of putting on those shorts. Beca rushing them out the door.

“Where are we going that we have to leave in our pajamas without getting ready at all?” Chloe asked chuckling but a little confused about why she was sitting in Beca’s car with barely anything to wear. She hadn’t brushed her hair or her teeth, she was wearing sock monkey slippers and one big t-shirt, and had it not been for Beca thinking just a little bit, she would not have anything covering her lower half. Best way to leave the house, with barely anything, going somewhere she didn’t know where.

“I told you, I’m hungry.” the way she said it made the hairs on Chloe’s arm stand up, as she sent her that cute smirk she loved. How was Beca always so adorable? The world may never know.

 

* * *

 

 

They pulled up to a drugstore, Beca turned off the car. “Breakfast from here?” there had to be more to this.

“Come on, let’s go.” she turned off the car, and got out around to Chloe’s side and opened the door for her. “Milady, if you would join me in the pharmacy.” extending her hand waiting.

“Yep, you’re _the_ dork alright.” she said taking her hand as she stepped out of the car. She followed Beca around the store, getting dirty looks from strangers, one old lady gasped at the sight of the barely clothed girls. Beca made her way to the pick-up counter, she put her orange bottle down, she looked at the man in front of the shelf.

 

****

 

“Good morning, sir.” Beca said getting his attention.

“Rebeca, I told you, ‘sir’ is my father. I’m just Jerry.” he said jokingly.

“Well, _Jerry_ , I told you I’m just Beca, _‘Rebeca’_ is my father's daughter.” the old man laughed at the joke.

“What can I do for you today, my dear?”

“I need a refill on one of my pills.”

“Which one?” he asked looking at her with an almost suspicious and observant face.

“The one that helps with the one with the anxiety meds.” she said quietly unable to name the actual medication, eyeing the woman standing at the far end, as if she’d been listening.

“Of course, of course. Having a rough time, miss Beca?” he asked as if he were an old friend or her grandfather.

“Oh, you’re good,” she looked at him with a sarcastic smirk, watching him refill the little bottle. “I had a bad one last night.” she said in a slightly sarcastically ‘okay’ tone.

“Oh, I’m very sorry, dear, you know you can call me any time, I’m only down the hall from you.” What a kind pharmacist. “But I see that you had your friend with you,” Beca had almost forgot she walked in here with Chloe. “What’s your name, young lady?” he asked her.

“My name is Chloe, Chloe Beale.” she held her hand out across the counter.

“Very good grip, miss Chloe. Thank you for taking care of my Beca for me. If you ever need anything I’m five doors down the hall.” he kindly offered.

“Will do, sir.” he looked at her with a humorous smile, “Uh-I mean Jerry.” she smiled.

“You take care now, miss Beca.” he handed her the bottle.

“Right back at you, Jer.” she did the nerdy wink and the finger pointing snap. They walked straight for the candy isle, Beca grabbed a big bag of fun size bag of Reese’s peanut butter cups, and went to the register.

 

****

 

“Peanut butter cups for breakfast?” she chuckled as they walked out of the store.

“Um ya, are you even alive right now?”

“Thanks to not eating candy for breakfast, yeah I am alive right now.” she sarcastically pointed out. Beca opened the bag, and popped one into her mouth. She offered Chloe one, she shook her head.

“Come on get on my level, kid.” Chloe finally took it and she wasn’t gonna lie, it was delicious, she laughed as Beca watched her indulge in the non-breakfast item. They continued to eat candy and drive, Beca pulled into a gas station, pumped gas, bought a two liter of Dr.Pepper, two bags of chips, and some gum.

“So the candy wasn’t enough?” Chloe laughed at the excessive amount of junk food.

“No it’s never enough, we’re gonna hang out all day. And this,” gesturing at the bag “this is how you do it, baby.” Chloe getting little goosebumps when she said 'baby' even though she meant it platonically. She did mean it platonically right?

 

* * *

 

They drove back home, they talked about old stories and sang songs, watching how Beca made mixes, remembering all their sets front to back, putting on a show in big t-shirts and charcoal face masks. Hours go by and it was finally dark out, “Do you wanna watch a movie?” Beca asked Chloe as she blew a hair away from her face. _Oh my God, Beca Mitchell wants to watch a movie. But she hates movies? This is so weird but I like it._

“Um DUh, of course I wanna watch a movie.” She said smiling back at Beca, getting off the couch making her way to the kitchen, grabbing her beer.  Chloe took a deep breath in, as she took a big gulp.

 

* * *

 

 

“Now I. Had. The time of my life. I've never felt this way before. And I swear it's the truUuth, and I owe it all to youUuuU.” They both sang as they recreated the famous movie scene, dancing along with the actors. Every step just right and then it was time for the big lift.

“One, two, three!” Chloe counted off as she ran and leapt into Beca. Falling down, it was the most epic fail, laughing as they lie on the rug together. Chloe's eyes bright and blue, laughing and smiling, she pulled her hand out to boop Beca's nose. “Nailed it.” Chloe said chuckling and looking at Beca's smile. _Oh my God_ .

“Oh yeah, we definitely nailed it.” she laughed as she looked at her. “Let's go.” She said as she got up from the floor.

“Again? Where are we going this time?”

“Somewhere magical.” She said doing the cute little nose scrunching smile.

 

****

 

Thirty minutes of driving passes by and Beca’s phone started ringing. “Beca Mitchell.” she answered through the speaker of the car, with her professional work voice.

“Becaw! Becaw!” _Oh no. Ugh! Why is he calling._ Chloe’s face contorted to a confused eyebrow raise, listening to the conversation.

“Why are you calling, Jesse?” she cut right to the point, no ‘how are you?’ or ‘what’s up?’ just right to point of ‘what do you want?’

“Why are you even awake,  _Becaw_?” he teased, trying to start some sort of friendly conversation.

“You’re really drunk right now, aren’t you?” she asked with her serious and irritated voice, a disgusted look on her face. _He’s drunk dialing me now? What are we sixteen? Since when did we turn into ‘those ex’s’?_  

“Maybe,” he said trying to be charming but really just slurring like a buffoon, “I just wanted to call and say I miss you.” her face giving away no emotion whatsoever, Chloe just sat there awkwardly pretending to inspect the ends of her hair.

“Well, Jesse, that’s uh, that’s sweet,” it didn't look that way on her face. “But I really don’t have time for this right now.”

“I’m in LA.” he said in the most ‘oh and by the way’ voice.

“What?” Beca’s eyes got bigger, she looked panicked.

“Yeah I’m in LA, I was thinking about visiting you.” he said like a little boy asking his mommy if he could sleep in her bed.

“Oh, Jess, um, I actually can’t have you over.” She quickly said, trying to come up with something fast when she looked over at Chloe mouthing the words, “What do I do?” Chloe shrugged her shoulders, her eyes also panicked.

“I don’t know!” she mouthed back, and then Beca got a mischievous look on her face.

“I actually have my girlfriend over like all the time, so I can’t really have you over.” Chloe’s hand flew over her mouth, covering it so she didn’t laugh.

“Girlfriend? Wait Beca wh-”  Beca hung up before he could ask anymore drunk questions. Chloe busted out laughing. She laughed so hard she almost peed.

 

****

 

“Beca! I can’t believe you just said that!” she yelled, hitting Beca’s arm.

“I had to think of something to say!” she laughed back, they pulled into the parking lot of their destination.

“I gotta hand it to you, that was clever,” she agreed, she looked at the bright neon sign on the building and realized where exactly her short kidnapper had taken her. “Um Bec, what are we doing at Taco Bell at eleven o’clock?” she laughed seeing that they were next in line to order.

“This Taco Bell has a drive-thru.” she said looking at the menu.

“Okay, well what are we doing in the _drive-thru_ of a Taco Bell at eleven o’clock at night?” she reworded the question.

“Well you see Chlo, we are at _Taco Bell_ at eleven o’clock at night because I’m hungry and I really want a taco or nachos or something,” she said inching the car forward, “And we are in _the drive-thru_ of Taco Bell at eleven o’clock at night because I always go out of my way to find one with a drive-thru. ‘Why?’ you may ask, because I don’t actually want to go inside, so I use the drive-thru so I can sit in the parking lot and eat my food.” Chloe laughed so hard, she was at the point where tears were coming out of her eyes, she was laughing that hard. “Don’t laugh at my guilty pleasure.” Beca said jokingly offended.

“But it’s literally the greatest thing ever. You say it like it’s a dirty thing to do.” Chloe continued laughing as Beca moved the car up.

“Oh, you still think it’s funny?” Beca reached over the center console and tickled Chloe’s sides and neck “Is it still funny?” Beca laughed knowing what she was doing was evil.

“Bec- Beca ohmyygodwhyyyy” Chloe screamed laughing her head off. “OhmygodBeca, you can’t do thistome!” Beca unbuckled, putting the car in park and shifted to tickle her thoroughly, and in the middle of this tickle fight the man taking the orders spoke up on the little voice box.

They got their food and sat in the parking lot, just Beca likes to do. She watched Beca devour her food, almost in one bite. She leaned over to the glove compartment got mouth wash out and put a stick of gum in her mouth. “Minty fresh huh?” Chloe asked crumpling her taco wrapper.

“Always.” she said blew her breath in her face Chloe moved her head to avoid it and laughed.

“That’s actually not a bad idea, can you hand me the mouthwash?” she got followed the same routine and smiled a great big smile at Beca to show her clean teeth.

 

* * *

 

They sat in the car with their seats reclined, just laying there enjoying the silence and digesting their food. “Beca?”

“Sup, Chlo?” Beca looked over.

“Why did you and Jesse break up?” She courageously asked. Beca’s face grew exhausted from the small matter of the conversation.

“Oh, God.” She said looking at the roof of the car “Oh, man I knew this day would come.” She covered her face, with her hands.

“Hey,” Chloe said putting a hand on her arm, Beca moved her hands from her face and looked at her, ‘unwilling’ was practically tattooed all over her face right now. “It's okay, you don't have to tell me.” Beca let out a long deep breath before speaking.

“So, you know it had been a while since we'd gotten together, like almost five years. And like… I realized that I wasn't happy, I was just... whatever. It was whatever, but not everything I wanted.” Chloe looked at her leaning into the conversation. “And so with that, and the long distance, and everything, I thought maybe seeing him would help. So, I hopped on a plane at LAX to New York. And well, I sat next to this girl on my flight, and she was able to hear my mixes through my headphones. She just started talking to me. She asked me what I was gonna be doing after landing, and I don't know why I said nothing but I did. We spent literally the whole day together up until the night, we went to a club, and to Lady Gaga's house and we sang in front of it.” Chloe's mouth hung open.

“You sang in front of Lady Gaga's house?” She was so impressed.

“Yeah, she actually wasn't home, but that's not the point,” she laughed “We were all over the place... and then we crashed a party at someone's penthouse. We were on the fire escape just having some drinks and laughing, and then... and then she kissed me.” Chloe's eyes got huge and her mind was blown. “And I got really thrown off so I left, I spent the weekend with Jesse, but it didn't feel right. I just kept thinking 'how can I have more memorable moments in one day with a random stranger than with my boyfriend for five years?’ and I just figured it didn't make sense anymore, if we weren't keeping each other alive, and we just weren't growing so I cut him loose.”

 _“_ So that's all? That's what you didn't want to tell me?” Chloe laughed, but on the inside she was rambling.

“Well, I didn't know how you'd react to the whole girl on the plane thing.” Beca shrugged.

“Honestly, I'm a little jealous.” Beca raised her eyebrows at her. “And a little proud of you.” Chloe said with a grin on her face, but she had so many questions.

“Okay, well one, I didn’t kiss her _she_ kissed _me_ , and why are you jealous?” Beca asked with a perplexed frown.

“Well, I'm proud because you would've _literally_ rolled over and died if you were the same girl from freshman year .”

“Okay... and you're jealous because why?” Beca laughed.

“Well,” she said turning away from Beca, avoiding the question.

“Chloe, don't make me tickle you again.” her threat changed nothing for about five seconds and Chloe caved immediately upon touching.

“Okay! Okay! Jesus, Bec!” Her body twisting in weird positions. “Well, I'm jealous for two reasons but the other one we'll talk about another time, deal?”

“I'm listening.” She narrowed her eyes at her.

“Well, remember when I said I wished I did more experimenting in college?” Beca's mouth fell open.

“Ooooh.” Chloe laughed at her revelation. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, it didn’t really count as experimenting since it happened out of nowhere, and I didn’t condone the kiss.” Beca said trying to weasel out of the word ‘experimenting’.

“Mmhmm sure thing, Mrs.Scientist.” Chloe winked at her.

“You’re impossible.” Beca snorted as she sat all the way up in her seat, starting the car, driving out of the parking lot.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am currently unhinged but that's okay.


	8. Radio Shack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fixed it!

* * *

 

“Ugh, Chloe.” Beca whined

“What's up?” She said looking out the window. It was already two o’clock in the morning and they were still out just driving, Beca wouldn't say where to, Chloe was almost sure that Beca didn't even know where they were going.

“I have work in like,” she checked the clock to calculate time “Five friggin hours.” She groaned.

“Jesus, Bec, what are we doing driving around so late when you have work so early?”

“I just like to drive around with you.” Chloe smiled a little, biting her nail trying to hide it. “That and I want to show you something.”

“Ooh, whatcha gonna show me?”

“You'll just have to stay tuned and find out, Beale.” She said mysteriously as she pulled a small grin, looking at her from the corner of her eye while she drove. They were away from a lot of the city parts of LA but they started getting more towards the residential areas.

“Oh God, the suspense is _killing me_ .” She sang the last words adding a small bit of sarcastic dramatics.

 

* * *

 

At least twenty minutes go by, and Beca pulls the car over the to the side of the road as if the trip were over. Which it was. _Is this the part where she kills me?_ “Is this the part where you kill me? Was this your evil plan all along? Why are you doing this? What's your backstory?” Chloe teased, still wondering why they were stopped on the side of the road.

“Yes this was my evil plan, Chlo, to make you eat Taco Bell and take here to the middle of nowhere, now come on.” Beca said pulling on her wrists. With Beca, barely any physical contact was a very rare thing, even if it were as simple as a fist bump. Beca was never a person who liked touching, like no touching not even with Jesse, and when she willingly touched you and was okay with the physical contact then there must’ve been a reason .

 

* * *

 

 **“Chloe!” she nearly fell over, feeling a tiny person behind her with their arms wrapped around her waist.** **_Beca? Is this my Beca Mitchell, willingly hugging me right now? Oh my God, I can die a happy woman._ ** **Chloe’s mood brightened even more than it had already been.**

**“Yes, Beca?” Chloe said trying to play it off cool like she wasn’t totally fangirling over the unexpected hug even though Beca couldn’t see her face.**

**“What are you doing right now?” Beca asked with more energy than usual.**

**“Um Tom wanted to go out wh-”**

**“Noooooooo, nooooo, you have to ditch him!” Beca pleaded. Beca pleading was something that barely happened, if not barely, then it never did.**

**“Bec, calm down, the answer to whatever you want is already yes. I was planning on asking you to help me ditch Tom anyway.” Chloe laughed at Beca’s energy.** **_I’m rubbing off on her, I know it_ ** **.**

**“I knoooow, but I still had to ask, now come onnnnnn.” Beca wrapped her tiny fingers around Chloe’s wrist, yanking them out of the quad.**

**“What do I tell Tom?” she yelled running after the hand Beca held captive.**

**“Tell him the controlling one with the pitch pipe is having an emergency rehearsal! Oh wait, Aubrey’s not here anymore.”**

**“Beca!” Chloe said trying to sound offended and hide the laughter, but that totally would’ve passed for an excuse last year.**

**“I know bad joke, but I’m just kidding! Catch up slowpoke!” Beca was running so fast,** **_Wow Beca’s keeping up with her_ ** **cardio. Beca opened the car door letting her get in. She bought a bottle champagne and curly fries, they were driving Chloe was sucking the grease off her fingers.**

**“Where we goin’?”**

**“Never ruin a perfectly good adventure, Chlo.” she told her.**  

**They had gone to the radio station Beca worked at. She walked them up the stairs to a ladder leading up to a hatch in the roof. There were two lawn chairs, an old rug from inside, and discarded beer bottles and red solo cups everywhere. Beca popped the cork on the champagne and sat in the middle of the rug and looked up as she drank straight from the bottle. “Chlo, look at this.” she said as Chloe flopped down next to her. Staring at the sky and down at the people in the street, watching the cars drive by. Giggling and finishing off the champagne, they had at at least twenty-five to thirty missed calls between the both of them. All from Jesse and Tom. More laughing, talking, two emotional spells about how much they love each other, and Beca tried to teach Chloe how to play Cups. Just being around each other.**

 

* * *

 

**Both their eyes shot open, seeing the sun in high up in the sky, hearing distant music, feeling a stiffness in their bodies. Beca sat up immediately. “Oh my God, Chloe, don’t get mad.” Beca said as she was now totally and fully aware of their surroundings.**

**“Why would I be mad?” She yawned as she leaned on one elbow, her eyes focused on the cold concrete and green and yellow rug. “Oh my God.”**

**“I’m so sorry, Chloe, you missed Russian Lit, it’s already past ten o’clock.” Beca apologizing as she scrolled through her phone, looking up a Chloe and back down to the phone.**

**“Beca, it’s one class, relax I had fun.” she got up and put a hand on her knee “It’s okay.” she smiled, her phone started buzzing. Chloe didn’t go to pick it up, she just let it ring.**

**“You gonna get that?” Beca asked seeing her phone lighting up still ringing.**

**“Nope. Let’s go.”**

* * *

 

 _‘Never ruin a perfectly good adventure.’_ the words echoed in her mind. She followed Beca off the road and up a little path surrounded by shrubs and patches of dirt and gravel. They kept walking, Beca pulled on her hand helping her get up on a rock. They walked in silence, Chloe didn't ask where they were going she just followed.

The path became clear as they grew closer to a small shack. The wood splintering and the stained glass windows dusty and some boarded up. _Oh my God maybe she is gonna kill me._ Chloe thought as Beca unlocked the big bulky door. They walked in and Beca flipped a switch by the doorway, the pitch black room lighting up. Beca had brought her to a small studio in the middle of almost nowhere. There were computers and a sound booth set up, with thin carpet and a sophisticated desk on far side by the window. “Oh my God…” Chloe said eyes filled with wonder and amazement.

“Beautiful, isn't it?” Beca said walking through pulling the chair away from the desk, turning it before she sat.

“It's…” she looked around one more time to take it all in “Amazing. How does this place even exist without anyone breaking in or anything?” She asked as she walked across the room and leaned on the desk.

“Well, this place is a little gift from my boss. I call it the Radio Shack, you know like 'Radio Shack’ and because it's a shack and I started out working for a radio.” Chloe giggled at the reference “I come here and I get away and really get…” she paused gesturing her hands looking for words “What's missing.” a smile formed on Chloe's face and she felt the wanting feel again as she watched Beca explain the way she worked in this small Radio Shack. She opened a small drawer in the desk and pulled out a flash drive and she plugged it into the monitor. Beca put headphones over Chloe’s ears to listen. She was playing mixes and Bella performances, Chloe giving the okay to put them on the drive and by the end of the hour Chloe had her own little flash drive.

“Thanks, Bec.” Chloe said looking over at the little flash drive.

“Anytime, kid, anytime.” She said pulling out a cup from underneath the desk.

“You know I’m older than you and you can’t call me ‘kid’ right?” Chloe asked jokingly, Beca laughed as she pressed buttons on the soundboards and walked into the sound booth.

“Chlo, before I start, can you press the red button when I give the thumbs up and then turn it off when I’m done?” Beca asked her from the inside of the soundbooth.

“Yeah, sure.” she was so excited to see what type rabbit she’ll pull out of a hat this time, Chloe waited by the button just dying for Beca’s thumb to go up. Beca’s thumb went up and it seemed as though Chloe couldn’t press the button fast enough. Beca began playing Cups, twice and the she stuck her thumb up again. “Why is it so short?” Chloe asked surprised by how fast she was done and exited the booth.

“Because, now that I have that little part down, I can loop it.” she said doing so on the monitor. When she played the loop back to Chloe, it sounded like she was playing it with the cup over and over again.

“Wow.”

“I know,” Beca said pressing more buttons “I’m gonna head back in, do the same thing, yeah?” Beca asked walking back in clearing her throat as she put the headphones that hung on the mic on. Chloe nodded vigorously. Pressing the button when the thumb went up, listening to what Beca was doing. “I got my ticket for the long way ‘round. Two bottle ‘a whiskey for the way. And I sure, would like some sweet company. And I’m leaving tomorrow, wha-do-ya say? When I’m gone, when I’m gone. You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone, you’re gonna miss me by my hair, you’re gonna miss me everywhere, oh. You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.” Chloe smile so big, just listening to her sing.

“Oh my God…” Chloe said as she listened to Beca’s voice over the monitor, carrying out through Radio Shack. Beca’s thumb stood up again, and Chloe pressed the button. Beca’s voice was so beautiful, it made it hard not listen to anything she had to say, and when she _sang_ , oh my goodness it was like a lullaby. Beca walked over to the monitor and played the recording back to her and it was literal magic. Chloe’s words stumbling over each other. “Bec that was…” she didn’t even bother trying to find words, she just laughed and listened.

“And that is going on this. No one else has this song.” Beca said giving her the finished flash drive.

“OhmyGodBecathankyou!” she used all her muscles in her body to hold Beca in a death grip of a hug.

 

****

 

Beca wrapped her arms around her, putting her face on the side of her neck burying her nose in her hair. Just lingering for a moment, focusing on the sound of their breathing and the way the material of Chloe’s t-shirt felt underneath the palms of her hands. She pulled away, their faces less than half an inch from each other, just looking. Chloe just staring, breathing each other's air. Beca’s eyes travelled down from Chloe’s eyes to the little freckles on her nose and cheeks, and then down to her mouth, watching as Chloe’s tongue moved along her bottom lip.

It seemed as though in everything in the world stopped, they were just looking, Chloe’s stomach twitched, Beca felt butterflies deep inside her gut. But then Beca’s face started getting hot, her face the brightest shade of red, she backed away, she could feel the panic attack pending in her mind. Barely even able to chuckle without feeling like her lungs vacated her body.

 

****

 

“You’re uh you’re welcome, Chlo.” Beca said turning the monitor off and the sound booth light off “Ready to go?” she asked putting her slippers back on. Seeing how flustered she was, she put her slippers on and followed Beca out the door. Chloe’s head was left inside the Radio Shack, staring into the rearview mirror as that little area disappeared from view. Holding the flash drive in her hand so tight it left an imprint on her skin.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, again ME_89 for noticing! Much love!


	9. Tense

* * *

 

“I am exhausted.” Beca said as she zipped up her dress, leaning to look into the mirror. “Ugh, I can go shopping with these bags.” she rubbed under her eyes. Chloe starred after her.

“You look fine, don’t worry.” Chloe told her as she made her way into the bathroom over to Beca. She put both hands on her shoulders feeling her muscles tighten. _Why is she always so tense?_ She looked at Beca’s reflection with a half smile, pretending she hadn’t noticed.

“Thanks, Chlo,” she said giving her own little awkward smile. “What are you gonna do today? Any plans? Are you gonna be alright if I leave you here?” Beca asked like some sort of concerned mother.

“Yeah, I’m good, I have a job interview sometime at noon, and the rest of the day I’ll probably see if I can track that moving truck to get my stuff.” _Oh right._ A small shadow fell over her face as she remembered that she had her own apartment to tend to. “What about you?” quickly taking her mind off of it. “What are you doing today?”

“Well, I am gonna sit in my studio and try to write a song by myself, even though I know I can’t do it without Legacy, and then I’m gonna have a new client come in later.”

“Wow, someone’s busy,” Chloe said trying not to look distraught “Call me if it goes well?” she asked her.

“Yeah, totally, sounds good,” Beca said grabbing her sunglasses and car keys “And here.” she said holding out her hand, a small silver key on a piano print lanyard.

“Beca…” Chloe said shocked. _This is the key to her apartment. Her apartment!_ “What is this?” She asked her.

“It’s the key to my apartment, it’s just so you can lock up when you leave, and let yourself back in if I’m not home from work.” Chloe looked at her for a good minute, making sure it was okay “OhmyGod, stop making a big deal about it and just take it before I change my mind.” Beca said in an exaggerated voice.

“Beca. Are you sure?” Chloe slowly said, making sure Beca was hearing the words that were coming out of her mouth.

“Yes, I am sure,” Beca said walking out of the room “You can give it back whenever if you want, or you don’t have to take it or I don’t know, just here take it.” Beca did her ‘That was a bad idea’ face. _No no no no please just stahpppp_. Chloe thought seeing how worked up she was getting.

“Oh, okay,” She said quickly trying to reassure her “I’ll keep the key, just for a little bit.” she said, she could still see the panic building up in her eyes.

“Okay, awesome sauce.” She said continuing out the door. “See you later, love you awesome nerd, and I hope the interview goes well.”  She gave her an oddly quick side hug instead of a full front hug like normal. _She’s just in a rush, Beca’s a professional and grown-up woman now._ She _tried_ to assure herself but alas, no such luck. It was about eleven o’clock, Chloe had fallen asleep before actually having to get up to get ready for the interview.

 

* * *

 

The phone started vibrating from beneath the pillow, “Hello?” Chloe said groggy and tired.

“Yep, thought you’d be asleep. Wake up, sleepy, you have an interview remember?” _Shit shit shit shit._

“Oh my God, Bree, you’re a lifesaver.” Chloe said quickly getting up, tripping onto the floor.

“It’s what I’m here for, Chlo, now how long do you have before your interview?” Aubrey asked in her Bella Captain voice.

“I have like an hour and thirty minutes, why?” Chloe said looking through Beca’s closet.

“Just wanted to catch up, how is everything? How was the move out there? ”

“Oh my goodness, this girl has nothing with color!” Chloe sighed heavily, squeezing the phone between her ear and her shoulder. “I’m doing pretty good.” Chloe said finally finding some shades of blue in this mostly black abyss that is Beca Mitchell's closet, trying to keep a straight face even though Aubrey couldn’t see her.

“How is everything? Talk to me, Chloe.” Aubrey said, Chloe could already imagine the stern pouty face she was using.

“Everything is,” she paused for a moment readjusting the phone “Everything I guess.”

“How’s mom?” Chloe couldn’t help but frown. It had been a while since she's spoken to her. “I can tell by the silence, it’s not so great.” Aubrey pointed out.

“No, it’s not, but that’s okay.” Chloe desperately wanted to talk about literally anything else “I mean, if she can’t get behind me for one thing, then that’s fine she doesn’t have to.” she said brightly, trying to seem okay.

“Chloe, I know it can’t be easy. I know your mom isn’t particularly fond of your _current situation_ , but she should be as accepting as she can be, you are her daughter after all.” Aubrey’s softer side was showing.

“Right, um Bree, I’m not _particularly fond_ of part of me being referred to as a ‘situation’ but thank you.” Chloe said in a cold voice, she didn’t mean to be cold but that’s how it came out.

“Right, uh- Sorry. How’s LA treating you?”

“Really well actually, it’ll be three days since I’ve been here and it’s pretty good.” aside from making Beca panic.

“That’s great and the apartment? What’s it like being on your own?”

“Well,” She said wiggling into some pants. “It’s pretty good, I mean it’s only been three days so,” she laughed trying to mask the tension in her voice.

“Well, I’ll uh- I’ll let you get ready. Love you, Chlo”

“Thanks for the call, love you too, Bree.” Chloe sat on the bed listening to the dial tone for a while.

 

* * *

 

**“Mom, dad?” Chloe said looking down at her plate.**

**“Yes, sweetie?” Her mom said dabbing her mouth with a napkin, her dad looking up from his own plate.**

**“You guys love me right?” she asked sheepishly looking up a little, jabbing her fork through her mashed potatoes.**

**“Of course, pumpkin!” Her dad said finishing the food that was in his mouth, looking so surprised by the question.**

**“And you guys will always be there no matter what right?” her voice so small, very unlike the bright redhead.**

**“Sweetheart, you’re scaring us.” her mom said trying to force eye contact.**

**“I have something to tell you.” both parents looked up giving their full attention, trying to make sense of Chloe’s seriousness. Chloe was never a serious girl and to see this, it was quite frightening. Chloe’s jaw tensed as she tried to speak.**

**“Pumpkin?” she saw her dad's face painted with worry, she could feel his gut sink from the other side of the table.** **_Just breathe and spit it out. What’s the worst that can happen?_ **

**“I…  I’m gay.”** **_oh my God I just said that._ ** **She looked at her parents, her mouth twitched a little at the corners. Her dad clenched his napkin in his fist, holding it against his mouth.**

**“I think I’m full.” her mom said as she got up from her chair and went straight for the stairs. Her dad watched after his wife, giving one look at Chloe, she couldn’t read his emotions for the first time in her whole life. He followed after her and left Chloe alone at the dinner table.**

* * *

 

Coming out of this depressive trance, she got up from the bed and proceeded about her day, locking her feelings in a box, throwing the box in a hole, and then throwing the hole away. Chloe put her hair in the old Bella bun, grabbing her things to leave. “I'm good.” She assured herself looking into the rearview mirror of her car, she eyed the piano lanyard and thought back to the night before. _You're reading too much into it._ She pulled out onto the road on the way to the interview, feeling a quick surge of nervousness before feeling as ready as she could.

 

* * *

 

She sat in an uncomfortable blue chair, like the ones you sat in in grade school. Resting her elbows on her knees, twiddling her thumbs in front of her. Listening to the hum of the tranquil music playing throughout the room, a few people walking in and walking out. Opening doors to different studios, talking quietly with the receptionist. Hearing the water jug bubbling as someone filled up their small paper cup.

The whole place smelled of essential oils and incense. She looked around at the four yellow walls, unintentionally making notes of little patterns in the paint. Boredom and anticipation were her only company in this room, other than the receptionist and the few students coming in and out. _Did I come at the right time?_ She pulled her phone from her pocket checking the time. Two minutes until it was exactly twelve o’clock on the dot. _Guess we’re a little more than punctual then._ She sat up, bring her arms off her knees, pulling her phone up closer to her face, seeing people in her recent messages. She opened the new message.

 

 _Beca*heart emoji* (to Chloe) 11:58 AM:_ _Hey how’s it going?_

 

She read the words over and over, before responding.

 

 _**Chloe (to Beca) 12:00 PM:** _ _**It’s going. Still waiting to be seen. What about you?** _

 

 _Beca*heart emoji* (to Chloe) 12:01 PM:_ _Everything is good, just trying to write some music._

 

 **_Chloe (to Beca) 12:01 PM:_ ** **_And how’s that going?_ **

 

 _Beca*heart emoji* (to Chloe) 12:02 PM:_ _Do you remember that time I had to write that_ _essay for psych in two days, because my computer crashed? Almost the same thing._

 

 ** _Chloe (to Beca) 12:02 PM:_** ** _Oof tough xx_**  

 

Beca didn’t sleep for a whole week trying to write that essay. Fat Amy tried to do some online shopping and her computer got a virus all of her files were deleted. She refused to take a nap and let the girls figure it out. She took the coffee machine from the kitchen and locked herself in the bathroom. She finished that essay in two days on zero sleep, and a whole bag of coffee grounds.

 

 _Beca*heart emoji* (to Chloe) 12:05 PM:_ _I know. How’s the waiting going?_

 

 ** _Chloe (to Beca) 12:06 PM:_** ** _Boring xP Honestly before your text, I was one second away from literally just abandoning ship lol xx_**  

 

 _Beca*heart emoji* (to Chloe) 12:08 PM:_ _Glad I can come through for a girl lol xx_  

 

She saw a glint of the quirky relaxed Beca. Maybe _it is all in my head._ She thought, really trying to read her mood through these messages. As soon as she started typing a response her name was called from behind the desk, she quickly put her phone on silent and put it in her pocket.

“Miss Beale?” said a woman coming out from behind the desk, she stood up as she extended her hand.

“Yes ma’am, that’s me. It’s so nice to meet you.” she said, remembering to keep eye contact and a firm grip.

“Oh please, the pleasure is all mine. Why don’t you follow me back.” she turned walking behind the desk through the doorway.

 

* * *

 

She sat in a chair in front of the desk, squeezing her hands together to keep from fiddling. “It says here you graduated from Barden University, correct?”

“Yes, yes ma’am.” she answered back, she couldn’t wait for the interview to be over.

“Okay, well you have no criminal record, you graduated with a masters degree, and you currently reside in LA, yes?” she said through the glasses balanced on her nose, looking back down at her papers then back at her.

“Yes, ma’am, just moved here.”

“Oh, well that’s just great then! How do you handle being in charge of a class or being alone without a second instructor?”

“I am very confident in my teaching abilities, I think I do fairly well by myself.” she answered back trying to sound modest even though she knew that as a teacher, she was the tits.

“Good, good. Well, you can start next week. You’ll have Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. All morning classes from six to twelve. When you get a handle on classes and the atmosphere here, then you can have a few weekend classes.”

“Thank you so much.” Chloe said standing up and reaching over to shake her hand.

“No, no, thank you, miss Beale.”

“Please, call me Chloe.” she said smiling back at the woman.

“Well, Chloe, I will see you next week. Ask Jen, the woman at the front desk, which classroom you will be in. Thank you for meeting with me today.”

“Of course, of course. It was nice to chat with you.” she turned and left the room. She walked out onto the sidewalk smelling the fresh air, instead of the blend of eucalyptus and lavender oils. Getting in her car and driving off.

* * *

 


	10. Spaz

* * *

 

“Do you _have_ a blinker? Like, fuck, where did you get your license, a cereal box?” she yelled to the car that just cut her off. “Jesus Christ.” she mumbled as she continued driving. Beca had awful road rage, with a passenger she was more tame, but by herself she could out do a sailor in a swearing competition.

The driver in the car merged lanes onto Beca’s side, yelling some curse words she couldn’t hear, but she could make out what he was saying. She didn’t look at him she just put her middle finger up against her window. Seeing him roll down his window, she did the same. “Can you please-” he yelled through his window, Beca quick to interrupt his stupidity.

“Nope, no I cannot. Fuck you, my guy.” she said with her arm completely out the window at the man, her finger still out as she sped off. “Frickin’ asshole. I’m not the one being a dick, man.” she said to no one, as she looked angrily into the rearview mirror seeing his car turn.

She was especially tense and anxious today, it’d be a good idea to stay out of her way. She couldn’t get the night before out of her head, it was so frustrating and it made Beca look like a maniac, yelling at herself in the car. “Fucking relax, Beca.” she told herself, trying to calm down as she pulled into the parking lot. She parked her car, she took off her sunglasses and threw them somewhere in the passengers side. She put her head on the steering wheel and started hyperventilating again. “Fuck!” she yelled slamming her hand on the wheel as she lifted her head. She pulled the small mirror down from above her head and looked into it. “We are  _not_ doing this today.” she said pulling herself together, finding her sunglasses to put them back on. She walked into work, her heels making everyone around know that she was not in the mood today. “Nancy.” she said acknowledging the woman at the desk on her way to the studio.

“Mitchell.” She said back not looking up from her keyboard. Beca walked all the way to the studio with sunglasses on, in irritable silence. She walked all the way to her studio with the most unfriendly Beca Mitchell face she had. Once she got in, she closed the door behind her and sat on the sofa, throwing her sunglasses off onto the other side. She let out a long groan as she got up to sit at the desk. She sat there with a pencil and paper in front of her for about an hour and decided to leave for ‘coffee’, but instead she took a detour to the pharmacy.

 

* * *

 

“Let’s just relax okay, miss Beca?” Jerry said trying to calm her as they sat in the break room. He put his hand on her shoulder, but she shied away from the touch. She was _not_ at all in a mood for any touch.

“I’m such a spaz, Jerry.” she said glumly with her cheeks cuped in her hands.

“You’re only as much of a spaz as you say you are.” he said looking at her, beca avoiding eye contact as well as physical contact. If it were possible, she would just stop all contact. “Why are you so stressed, sweetheart? Have you been taking your medicine?” She turned her head towards the door, trying to get out of answering the question. “Beca.” he said sternly, trying to get her attention. She slowly shifted her body to look at him.

“No, I haven’t.” she confessed. _Oh no_. Jerry looked so disappointed, she hated it when he got upset with her.

“Beca, sweetheart, you have to understand you are taking these for a reason,”

“I know, but-”

“No ‘but’s’, Beca,” he stopped her “You are taking these to _get better._ ” he took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. “How long have you not been on them?” he asked her.

“It’ll be five days today.” she said, feeling like a child.

“Okay, Beca, you have to get back on them. You have to promise me you will get back on them.” she looked away from him again, she was about to make a promise she couldn’t keep. Seeing how upset he was, she just might have to.

“I promise.” she finally said. It was almost like coughing up a razor blade with a dry throat.

“Okay, if you don’t I’ll have to tell your doctor,” he sent a shocked look to her eyes. _Did he just say that to me?_ “I don’t want to, but you’re forcing my hand here, Beca.”

“I’ll take them, I promise.” he looked at her, looking deep for the reassurance and honesty in her eyes “Here you can have Chloe’s number, she’ll make sure.” she pulled out her phone sending the number to him.

“Thank you, Beca.” he said as he smiled at her “Now you get back to work now, and behave yourself please.” he joked. She took a minute in the break room, the other pharmacists saying their hello’s. She walked out of the pharmacy sending a wave at Jerry.

“I promise.” she opened her bag and pulled out the prescriptions bottles, taking both as directed.

 

* * *

 

She went back to work feeling more at ease. Stress levels were… well they were normal for a human now. She walked back into work, her face relaxing just a tad. She sat herself in front of the paper and pencil once again, staring at the pencil expecting it to write a gold record. Then she thought two years back when she had to write things for class. Remembering how stressed she got, she didn’t need that right now, she had to focus.

She trolled Chloe’s social media’s, looking at old pictures and memes she’d tag Beca in saying ‘This is so you!’ or ‘This is so us!’ So much for focus then. She picked up the pencil and her hand just started doing the work for her. _‘Still breathing you, even though I can’t. Save me from myself, you’re my favorite shade of red.’_ she repeated it in her head a million times again and again and found herself stumped, right where she was before. “I need help.” she pulled out her phone and looked for Emily’s contact.

 

**_Beca (to Emily) 11:50 AM:_ ** **_Hey you got a sec?_ **

 

She texted quickly, waiting for the reply. She sat there for fifteen minutes before she got a text back.

 

_Emily*heart emoji, smiley face* (to Beca) 11:57 AM:_ _Hey, Becs! Now isn’t really a good time, I’m in class till noon. But definitely call me later! xx_

 

“Ugh, great now _I_ have to figure this out.” she said out loud to herself. She typed back. 

 

**_Beca (to Emily) 11:58 AM:_ ** _**No problem, get your education! :)** _

 

It's funny that there was a smiley face at the end, even though she was nowhere near smiling. She wanted to lie down and cry. But that’s just apart of the writing process, she did this more often than you’d think. She found herself sitting on the desk, texting Chloe knowing she was in an interview right now. _Shame on me._ She thought as she hit send.

 

* * *

 

She talked with Chloe before her interview. When she thought about it, she _really_ missed her. 

 _'Still breathing you, even though I can’t. Save me from myself, you’re my favorite shade of red. Don’t wanna get you out of my mind, but I wanna get inside of your head. Leave your lips on mine and don’t let me forget.’_ she thought, and thought, and thought, and then she actually took a coffee break.

She was sitting on the patio of the cafe, she and Chloe had been at just two days earlier, sipping on her coffee, going through her notes of old discarded lines. _‘Don’t leave just yet,’? Nah not that one. Well maybe… ‘Let me be a fool in love, a fool in love.’ hm, not too shabby._ She wrote it down on her notepad, her mind running rampid, thinking of possible bridge’s and hooks. She got a little lightbulb and left straight for the studio. _‘Let me be a fool in love, what’s love if it’s not rough. Let me be a fool in love, use and abuse me, I'll let you have your fun._ ’ _._

 

* * *

 

She was just writing and writing, she wrote down all her ideas on sticky notes and put them up on the monitor. She was in the middle of a really intense work session, when there was a knock on the door. “Is now a good time?” it was her new client. She wasn’t expecting her until six… Oh wait, it was already six thirty. _Shit._

“Yeah! Yeah, totally. I was just tying up some loose ends. You must be Kelly, I’m your new producer, Beca Mitchell.” she held out her hand at the friendly girl.

“Beca Mitchell?” she repeated, her eyes went wide, blinking very fast. “Beca Mitchell, _Barden Bellas,_ Beca Mitchell?” this young girl was completely in awe of her, so impressed. Her hand closed tightly around Beca’s shaking it enthusiastically.

“Yep,” she said smiling wide and shrugging her shoulders. “See there’s me.” she let go as she pointed to the picture that hung on the wall.

“Oh, wow!” she said completely breaking eye contact and slowly walking up to the wall looking at it like it was a piece of art in a museum. “So, that’s like, all of you?” she said wanting to look at her but was too mind blown to look away from the picture.

“Yeah, that’s all of us.” Beca said taking a seat and turning it to face her. “Except for Emily, she was the one taking the picture.” she said raising her pencil to her ear and left it there.

“Emily Junk? OhmyGod! Can I meet her? Please?” she looked at Beca with bright eyes, filled with the hopes of this actually happening.

“Maybe, yeah, I mean she’s still in school, but I could video call her sometime.”

“Would you? Oh, _please_  would you?” she begged. It was cute, it was like another little freshman Emily.

“Yeah, of course. Now let’s talk business.” Beca said in her friendly business voice.

“Yeah, yeah totally. Let’s get to it.” she said sitting in the chair across from her.

Beca explained her job as a producer and her job as an artist, explaining the process of writing a song, how to make an album. She named some of the artists she’s worked with .“Some of my artists have made it big,” she said “Other’s not so much.”

“So, should I expect an album from Emily or?” she laughed a little afterwards.

“Well, she’s only a sophomore, so she’s wanting to focus on school.” Kelly’s face fell a little “But she is still working on music, and we still work together, so eventually she'll either come here, or I'll go there and we'll work on something.” she said seeing the girl come back up again.

“Awesome.” they continued discussing the way everything works for about five minutes, and then Beca found herself sharing old stories about the Bella’s and being a student and being a Bella at the same time. It made Beca feel old, but kind of famous. She liked it.

* * *

 


	11. "Should've"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just warning you now, prepare yourself and hold onto your knickers.

* * *

 

Beca walked into her apartment and put all her belongings in the dish in the entryway. “Mmm.” she said closing her eyes and taking a deep breath in. “Cookies.” she said contently. She heard music coming from the shower.

“When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change, cause you’re amazing, just the way you are.” she sang, barely hearing Beca as she walked into her room. Singing with her eyes closed when the shower door opened.

“Hey, nerd.” Beca said casually, as Chloe totally flipped out and covered herself with her arms.

“Beca!” She screamed at her, sounding angry at first but laughing, feeling slightly awkward standing there in front of her.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought it was okay to barge in on people in completely vulnerable and defenseless moments.” Beca teased, Chloe rolled her eyes shaking her head, Beca’s tongue quickly ran over her lip and she cleared her throat. “So, how’d the interview go?”

“Are you really gonna ask me that right now?” she asked laughing at her, hinting at her nakedness.

“Yep.” she looked at Beca’s expectant expression a little while longer before realizing she wasn’t leaving.

 

****

 

“Fine.” she said dropping her arms, turning back to the shower head. “It went well, LA has a new pilates instructor now,” she said rinsing herself. Occasionally looking over at Beca. “I start next week.” she said letting her head fall back, letting the water run on her head, down her face and throat.

“That’s awesome sauce, Chlo.” Chloe smiled at her unusual brightness.

“Yeah, I know! It’s great.” she said as she ran her hands over her face “Can you give me the towel?” she said observing Beca’s reactions. “Why, thank you.” Chloe said as she wrapped the towel around herself. Her foot slipped a little and she bumped into Beca. Beca caught her, keeping the balance for the both of them.

“Careful, careful.” she said, looking at Chloe.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.” she said quickly standing up right.

“I’ll let you get dressed, but I do have to talk to you about a lot of things.” Beca said in a more serious tone, backing herself out to the doorway.

“Okay, don’t touch the cookies!” she warned her.

“I make no promises.” Beca said as she left the room. Chloe stood there for a second, catching her breath.

 

* * *

 

She tried to come up with any reason, at all, of why Beca was being so open. She slowly got dressed, trying to milk the clock. “Are you putting on a fashion show in there?” Beca asked from the living room.

“I'll be out in a sec.”

“Only took you long enough. Come on sit down.” Beca said patting the vacant spot right next to her on the couch. Chloe waltzed over and sat down.

“What's up, Bec?”

“I know I scared you a little with my meltdown in the kitchen,” she continued. “It's important for you to know that until today, I wasn't taking my medicine.” She said carefully, looking at Chloe's face.

“So what does that mean?” Chloe asked curious about where she was going with this.

“My medications work together. I can't have one without the other. So I took them _both_ today, like I'm supposed to-”

“Well sweetie, why weren't you taking them both like you were supposed to?”

“I just thought I could maybe stop having to take them by myself without weaning off them.” Beca explained “I just thought that maybe I'd be alright, you know, if I didn't take them.” she let out a sigh. “So now that that's been said-”

“Is that why you’ve been acting weird?” _Oops._ Chloe thought. She just said that out loud. It just sort of slipped. Beca was surprised with the statement. Chloe looked down at her hands “I just… nevermind.” She shook her head.

“Chloe?”  Chloe looked back at Beca with this face she's never seen before. “Talk to me.” Beca's voice was welcoming and kind.

“I just thought that uh-I thought that,” she stopped for a second “Well, you’ve been really tense, you know? You've been retreating, and second guessing a lot, and you've been holding back, and I thought that that was my fault.” She said looking at Beca. She couldn't stand the thought of doing anything that would affect Beca in any negative type of way. “I'm sorry, it's so silly.” She apologized as she shook her head looking back down at her hands.

It really wasn't a big deal right? Chloe had just been anxious since the previous night in the studio. She felt almost rejected, when Beca just avoided her. She ran. She always ran, and Chloe could never understand, she hadn't ran like this since freshman year. And if she did run at all, it's because she was scared or frustrated. She was like a rabid animal, once you cornered her, she would lash out and tried to get away anyway she could. She could be so kind and friendly like a puppy, but as soon as anything felt overwhelming, there she was like a full grown dog; Snarling and foaming at the mouth. But Chloe couldn't help that her 'keep out’ sign looked so inviting.

“It's not silly, you should've said something.” Beca said. Anger rising up in Chloe upon hearing this. Should've just told her, huh? Like how she told her about her internship? Or how she and Jesse broke up? She hadn't known about that for a whole month after it happened, and to top it off, she just _barely_ found out told why the night before the night before.

She was expecting some sort of huge scandal, but no. No Beca always lied and hid the littlest things, why? No one knew, that was just how she was. She could understand that she had anxiety and that she hadn't had very much control over the way she over thought, but these aren't the things you should feel like hiding from your best friend. And to tell her that she _'should’ve told her_ ’ was ridiculous. It was _absolutely_ ridiculous, if she had just thought for a second on how Chloe couldn't turn her back on her, she wouldn’t be so afraid of her. Maybe? That's how it worked right? The more you open up, the safer you'll feel, the closer you'll be, and the better communication you'll have? That's how Chloe viewed it, anyway. But how could she turn this around on her? How could she be so hypocritical and blind? It was so dumb.

“Just like you told me about the antidepressants? Or the girl on the plane?” She said bitterly, she was being very aggressive. She wasn't about to take this from her. She was the literal queen of isolation, you thought Queen Elsa was a lone wolf, take a second glance at Beca. Or at least she tried to be, but Chloe could always see right through it. She _needed_ people, just like when she got caught in that bear trap before world's when she blew up at the Bella’s, she needed _someone_. Chloe would always be that someone, but she couldn't when Beca's big head got in the way. Her pride muted the cry for someone to confide in, to let her guard down with.

“Are you serious right now? How was I supposed to tell you about the antidepressants when I know you would've coddled me and tried to nurture me like you always do?” Beca said back standing up. Her voice getting a little louder, she was a lot more irritable than usual. “And the girl on the plane, oh my God, _of course_ you would've wanted to know about the girl on the plane! You know what?” She stomped off in Chloe's direction, Chloe moved out of the way, watching Beca put on her leather jacket and grab her keys. Before Chloe could say anything the door slammed shut with a quick blur of red, black, and brown. Chloe ran to the door, reaching to open it. She paused with her hand on the knob, she opened the door and peered down the hallway, Beca was nowhere to be seen. She walked back in and sat on the couch for moment. She huffed as she got up and left the apartment, walking into her own. She was surprised to see that all her furniture was there inside. There was a note on the sofa.

 

 _'_ _Chlo, had the movers put this in here before I left to work. Hope you don't mind. -B’_  

 

She discarded the note on the coffee table, falling back onto the couch. She sat there in silence for a while, just moping. She got up and changed into her big BU t-shirt and got into bed. She wasn't sleeping, she was just laying there. _You brought this upon yourself._ She pulled out her phone and clicked on Beca’s contact.

 

* * *

 

She tried calling about six separate times. _You've really done it now._ She tried to just brush it off her shoulder, but she couldn't help but focus on the fact that her _best friend_ was currently ignoring her. It reminded her of the time Beca changed the set at the ICCA’s without talking to Aubrey first. She ignored all the Bella's text messages and calls. She went silent for a week, no calls, no messages, avoiding the quad altogether. It was pure torture, and Chloe was dying. _What am I gonna do?_ She rolled over on her side and just scrolled through all her contacts, just scrolling, not looking for anyone in particular. She found herself texting Aubrey.

 

**_Chloe (to Aubrey) 7:06 PM:_ ** _**Hey, Bree, you busy?** _

 

She waited and waited.

 

_Aubrey*heart emoji, dancing twins emoji* (to Chloe) 7:07 PM:_ _No, what's up? xx_

 

Chloe was relieved that _someone_ answered.

 

_**Chloe (to Aubrey) 7:07 PM:** _ _**Can I call you?** _

 

Before Aubrey texted back, Chloe's phone was ringing and Aubrey's picture popped up. She quickly answered. “Hey Bree.” She said glumly sitting up on her bed.

“Chloe, what's wrong? Is everything alright?” Question after question. _Ugh!_ She thought frustrated.

“No, everything is not alright.” She snapped, putting her fingers over her mouth, silencing herself.

“Woah, calm down” Aubrey said, feeling slightly wounded. “What's up? Why are you so upset?”

“So I’ve been hanging out with Beca,” she listened to the silence on the other line. “And she's been really distant and weird and I thought it was _me_ , but she just wasn't taking her _stupid medication_ and we got in a fight and just ugh. I just didn't know who to call, she's not answering me.”

“Chloe,”

“Yes?”

“I know.” _she told Aubrey?_

“How... do you know that?”

“Because, she told me.” Chloe was slightly offended, she hadn’t even known that she was taking antidepressants until just earlier. How could she just tell Aubrey things but not Chloe?

“She _told_ you?” she asked feeling like she got slapped in the face.

“Don’t take this personal, Chlo.” she's Chloe, of course she's going to take it personal. “You’re too focused on the feeling to take a step back from your needs and look at her needs.” That was _a lot_ of reality in a matter of a few seconds. Chloe stayed quiet for a moment. “Chloe,” she said being soft again “You know I love you, you’re my best friend, but I care about Beca too.” _is she saying I don’t?_ Chloe scowled at her insinuation.

Sure Beca and Aubrey butt heads at the beginning, and yes things got better with time, and yes they were the closest anyone, five years ago, could've guessed. That was all great, it was. Chloe couldn't be more thrilled that her best friends were getting along better than ever; That her _best friends_ were best friends now, but why did she feel so excluded? I mean she and Aubrey were close, but she and Chloe were closer right? “I know you’re frustrated with what you have going on and-”

“You mean being gay?” Chloe asked in a flat and annoyed tone.

“Chloe-”

“No, Aubrey, I’m not going to have you talk to me about something you don’t know about.” she said raising her voice a little, her face pulling into a frown, feeling the anger building up in her chest.

“You think I don’t know? You only call me every single time Beca tells you to back off!” Chloe’s hands closing into a fist, her jaw tightening. She _so_ did not go to her every time they fought. Okay, well maybe she did. She always went to Aubrey for moral support when Beca wasn't exactly available. And Aubrey, being as logical and just as she is, always helped her figure things out. Regarding Beca or not. Most of the time, regarding Beca, even though she and Beca were close, and she and Chloe were close, that didn't cloud her judgement. Each, unreasonable and stupid, fight she and Beca had ever gotten into, would be solved by the help of Aubrey.

She didn't pick sides, that wasn't what she did, she made pros and cons. She was good at it too, she could still knit pick them both like nobody's business, without so much as giving them a look. Her assessments were always ready to be voiced, they just had to say when. “You’ve only been telling me every detail, about everything, for the past seven years!” the tears began building in her eyes “You think I don’t know, but I do! I seem to know a lot more than you do apparently!” Ouch. There was an intense pause for a few seconds. “Look I’m gonna go, I think you need to figure some things out. Call me when you do.” She hung up and Chloe launched her phone across the room.

Did the high and mighty Aubrey just pick between both of them? Was she seriously  _defending_ her? No, impossible, she wouldn't. She couldn't just pick between them both, she was simply not going to respond to Chloe, when she was saying things that were very rude. Aubrey put up with them both, and they put up with her, but she was never in the mood for uncalled for aggression. Aubrey shut that down quick, without hesitation.

“Ugh!” She said wiping her tears away leaning over, holding her face in her hands. She was only angry because Aubrey was right. The one thing she was holding back from Beca already pushed her parents away, Aubrey too, she didn't want to push Beca away further than she already was. She wiped her face and laid back on the bed.

* * *

 


	12. Bad Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, fair warning, BRACE YOURSELF.

* * *

 

Her hands were gripped tightly around the steering wheel, the wind flowing through the car. She was waiting at a light, music playing, she turned the radio completely off. She’d been driving around for hours, she didn’t know where she was going but then she realized she was passing by Posh. She did a _very_ dangerous u-turn and pulled into the parking lot. She parked crookedly, not giving a damn. She flipped her hair when she got out of the car.

The bouncer nodded at her like he had the other night. She walked in and headed straight for the bar. _Whatever her problem is, she can figure it out alone._ She knew she didn’t mean that.“Ronnie!” she yelled, he quickly came over seeing her upset face. There was nothing her favorite bartender couldn’t fix. Broken heart, getting passed up a job opportunity, crippling stress, it all had a cure and that cure was in the hands of this flirty bartender.

“What’s got you hot and bothered, sweet cheeks?” he asked shaking someone else’s drink.

“You don’t even wanna know,” she said watching him pour the drink, throwing his rag on the other side of the counter. “I’ve got a meeting with Mr.Jack Daniels.” he looked at her exhausted face.

“Need a chaser for that? Or should I just let you have it?” he asked already prepping her drink, knowing the answer. She grinned at him, and then a random man flew into her, hitting her chest.

“Make it a double.” she said glaring at the man. She took off her jacket and threw it behind the bar, revealing her bare shoulders and maroon dress. She slammed her drink in seconds, ignoring the bitter taste in her throat. Ronnie looked at her, not sure if he should be impressed or very concerned. She immediately got out onto the dance floor. She danced and danced, repeatedly declining shots from two different men and kept dancing as they lost interest. _What is her problem anyway?_ She thought as she popped her butt to the beat. _I mean what does she want from me? She's not my mother, Jesus._ She turned around to find Kelly dancing with her.

“Thought you could use a dance partner.” She said glancing at the men attempting to talk to Beca, and then smiling back enthusiastically. She was a sweet girl. The type who invites you over to study for finals, but you actually just mess around instead. She was like a sorority sister or a cheerleader. She was nice and all, it was refreshing.

“Hey, dude!” She was surprised to see Kelly, she was fresh out of high school wasn’t she? Like fresh out, classes online, just turned eighteen? What the hell was she doing in a club? _Okay…_ Whatever, Chloe always snuck her into bars at Barden, no biggie, it was just a right of passage. _Chloe._ She thought back on her for a second and looked over at the men staring at this interaction. “Um-awesome sauce.” she said as shrugged and put her arms around her shoulders _._

 

* * *

 

She danced with her for what seemed like forever but had only been a few songs. “Okay, let’s play a game. If I win, you tell me something about yourself, if I don’t you can ask me.” she said leaning in, she looked at her for a second she grinned a little “Come on, it’s a fair game.” she said smiling.

“Okay fine. Rock, paper, scissors!” she said, Beca's hand went into scissors and hers into rock. “Damn it.” She laughed.

“Okay… “ Kelly thought for a second “What's your weirdest pet peeve?” she asked taking a drink of her water.

“Oh, that's easy. I really, really, _really_ hate it when people interpret my smiley face emoji, as an actual smile and not as the awkward ‘I’m dying’ smile it’s intended to be.” Kelly was laughing so hard, her cheeks got a little red.

“Oh my gosh, same!” Beca gave up on the game eventually, and got up, and went for the dance floor. Kelly quickly followed.

 

* * *

 

The night went on, but her feet couldn’t take it anymore. “I should really go.” she told her, holding onto the bar for support as she took her shoes off. Kelly held her jacket out so she could put it on. She grabbed it, the jacket falling over her shoulders, the leather feeling cool since it hadn’t been worn all night. Beca smiled and walked past her and leading the way out the door. The bouncer nodded his head again, her dance partner following her.

“You’re not driving are you?” she asked her, watching as she pulled her keys out of her pocket unlocking the car.

“No I’m gonna hang out until my ride gets here.” Beca said getting her bag from the passenger's seat.

“Okay.” Beca held her bag out in front of the woman. She grabbed it holding it open as she looked through it with her flashlight on. Just standing there watching her go through all the pockets. She pulled out a pack of gum and put a piece in her mouth throwing the pack back into her bag. “Is it cool if I hang out here with you?” Kelly asked her, giving her bag back to her, watching her put it on the hood of her car, getting on and it sitting next to it.

“Yeah, I always enjoy the company when I'm alone in dark parking lots.” she laughed seeing her shake her head and chuckle. She crossed over and leaned on the car beside her. “So what were you here for tonight?” Beca asked, looking onto the street in front of them.

“Honestly? I was just trying to get out there.” she was staring off at nothing with her.

“Ah, I see.” she said looking up at her, it’s amazing the way drunk goggles worked, she was a sweet little young thing earlier, the type you take home to mom and she helps make dinner and wash dishes. But now Kelly looked like a very sinful long glass of 'damn’ with a cherry on top.

“Yeah, make some memories, you know.” she looked back down at her. and they looked at each other for a moment.

“Yeah.” Beca sighed. Kelly was holding eye contact, she was slowly getting closer. She leaned in and put her lips on Beca's, shocked she was shocked. She didn't seem to push her away, she stayed for a while. Kelly was slowly pressing her body into her, Kelly's hands on her hips pulling her in. The ranting in Beca's mind as her lips moved, they felt lost. She couldn’t be doing this, she _worked_ with this girl. This girl was around _Emily’s_ age, she was practically like five in adult years, it was like kissing the kid she baby sat. Her eyes were wide open, watching Kelly kiss her. She was young and this was just _not_ okay. Her lips felt out of place, she was going crazy. _Push her off? Don't… push her off?_ The image of Chloe's red hair and her lips behind these thoughts, confusion ran rampant through her head.

Beca couldn't get a grip on what was happening to her mind and body, her lips were still on hers. She could _not_ be doing this, but she was. It was so wrong, and _so_ bad for her career, this could ruin her reputation. She was dying for air, the kiss did something to Beca's mind and body, but there was no first kiss fireworks, but there was some sort of pull in the lowest regions of her gut, almost like a craving she couldn't describe. Kelly’s body was pushed up against Beca's in an uncomfortable position up on the car. Still looking for any spark, or whatever she was trying to feel. A black car pulled up in front of them. She pulled away from the kiss with a small popping noise and got off the car.

“My chariot awaits.” she began walking towards the Uber, she didn’t look back, she wouldn’t look back. This was a very dangerous situation, this was weird and just ew.

“See you tomorrow?” Kelly asked her, watching her put her bag in first. _No. Yes? I have to go anyway?_

“Yeah.” Beca said reluctantly looking over her shoulder as she stood up straight.

“Okay.” she said, Beca got in the car, and rolled down her window. Beca awkwardly smiled. She just had a full on makeout session, with a girl she _just_ started working with, in the parking lot of a club she frequented. Her eyes noticed the bouncer laughing and shaking his head, looking in the direction of the car. He knew who she was, he saw her often, he had just seen her with Chloe the day she got there, and now he was seeing her with Kelly. _Shit._ She was picking up a _very_ unwanted reputation.

“Okay.” Beca whispered something to her driver, the car slowly started moving, she watched after Beca and smiled a very uncomfortable ‘what now?’ smile. Oh no, she had that look in her eye. Oh no, she _worked_ with her! And she was going to be _working_ with her for a while! She was like immature and she was drunk, she would not remember this _at all_ and this would all just be a funny story. Right? She barely even knew her, she barely met with her _that_ day, and she had that look on her face. It was a drunk kiss, drunk kisses almost always mean nothing, it meant _nothing_. Well sort of. Beca could not say the same, there was no sparkle whatsoever. None, and this poor girl had that look in her eye.

“Kay.” Beca said as the car drove off. She rolled up her window, looking behind her seeing Kelly walk back into the club _._ She looked at the time, it was twenty minutes past eleven, the driver pulled up to her apartment building, she stood in the elevator for five minutes before realizing she didn't push her floor number. _Oh God, please no. Just please no, I work with her! She’s a kid! She’s like Em’s age! So gross, gosh, you're such a perv, Mitchell. Why didn’t you push her away? You just let her get the wrong idea, now what’s she going to think What’s Chloe going to think? And work, what about work? Fuck, Beca._

She leaned her head on the wall of the elevator, finally pressing a button, feeling it move up. She was thinking about that kiss and what was happening inside her head. Why _didn’t_ she fight the kiss? Why was she seeing Chloe in her head? Why was she thinking of Chloe's lips against hers.

Beca got up to her floor and when she walked up to her door she looked over at Chloe's for a moment. Her keys were jingling loudly as she opened the door and walked inside. She just let it go for the moment, she was _so_ not about to think so hard right now. She went straight for the kitchen, all the cookies Chloe had baked earlier were all on a blue plate next to the stove. Getting a glass of water, she picked up a cookie and took a bite of it. “OhmyGoddddd”. It was so good. She filled her cup again, getting a jump on the hangover that was expected. She grabbed a bottle of aspirin and took her water, holding her cookie in her mouth, and walked to her room.

She finished swallowing the last bits of all the sweet chocolate chips in her mouth. She sat on the empty bed and pulled her phone out of her pocket dropping it on the pillow before taking her clothes off. She closed her eyes and fell asleep almost instantly. Even in her sleep she was stressing about fighting with Chloe. Why did she feel so guilty about it? She was the one who was overstepping. Well that was just Chloe, Beca should always expect the lack of boundaries.

 

* * *

 

She saw the redhead in her sleep, she was crying. _Oh no, oh no. Please don’t cry, Chloe, I’m sorry. Chloe? Chloe?_ She couldn’t get her mind off her, she was trapped in this eerie dream, with her sobbing best friend, and there was nothing she could do. She had to wake up, she _had_ to, she couldn’t watch that. _Chloe, talk to me. Chloe? Chloe?_ She saw the image of herself kissing Kelly and she looked back to see Chloe’s wounded face.

Her eyes opened and her sudden panic was immediately pounding over her like a wave, knocking the wind out of her and leaving her choked up. She had to open up, she couldn’t let this nightmare come true. It was bound to happen if Beca didn’t make some changes, and fast. She _had_ to fix things, she knew it in her soul that she couldn’t leave things the way they were, she simply could not block her out of her life like everyone else. Because she wasn’t everyone else, she was Chloe.

Beca sat there, pondering over their previous argument and the kiss, _that damn kiss_. She had to admit, there were a lot of things that were news to Chloe, but there were a lot of things that you can’t just discuss over a quick text or surprise phone call. These things required a face to face, sit down conversation. You couldn’t just drop a giant bomb over text, you do it in person to deal with the possible casualties. But if she just would’ve told her about things, maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad and she wouldn’t feel like she made a total ass of herself. She knew that Chloe was too close for comfort, she knew she wasn’t the type to wait for you to tell her what was wrong. She would harass you, maybe even tickle you, until you spilled the beans. And when you did spill the beans, she listened long and hard and gave something back. Give and take, give and take, that's basically was a functional relationship is. You give and take, you share information and you listen to information, that’s pretty much how a functional relationship goes. Beca would never tell, and Chloe _hated_ that with a passion. She just wanted to know, not in a nosey way, in a ‘let me in your head because I care about you’ type of way. She always wanted to know what was in her head, she was always ready to listen, Beca just had to think very hard about how she would approach this. _Would_ she even tell her about Kelly? I mean the antidepressants were one thing, but to tell her about a drunken make out session with someone she worked with was unnecessary, wasn't it? It wasn't that big of a deal, a lot of people make out with people they work with when they get drunk, right?

She was already confused enough, she didn’t need Kelly and Chloe to go and further confuse her. What did she want? She saw Chloe’s red hair and pink lips flashback and forth in her mind. All of this was stressful. Having to go to work tomorrow and face Kelly, fix things with Chloe, tell her and apologize, and tell Kelly she wasn’t interested. She was about to have an exponentially long rest of her week. Beca had finally closed her eyes, and fell into a stress induced coma.

* * *

 


	13. Fix It

* * *

 

Her eyes shot open with panic at the sound of the alarm. She put her arm over her eyes, heavily sighing, the bridge of her nose resting in the crease of her elbow. “Ugh.” Chloe said laying back on her bed, turning off the alarm on her phone, and holding it above her face. It was already six-thirty and she _still_ didn’t know if Beca was back.

She’d been pacing around her apartment and making unnecessary trips to the office and back up again the night before. Just waiting for Beca to come home, she knew she didn’t want to talk, but she just wanted her to come home. Just to know that she still existed somewhere and didn't disappear off the face of the Earth.

She clicked on their conversation and looked through old messages, there was nothing new. She checked one more time just in case she missed something, or she was crazy and didn’t see it, or maybe she _just_ sent a text, but nothing. She grunted and opened another app, going directly to Beca’s profile, she looked and found no new posts. She checked all of her social media and no signs of life. She found nothing and then she kept looking through her feed like she didn’t care. “Ow!” she dropped her phone on her face, she rolled over onto her side and rubbed her nose.

She heard someone moving around in Beca’s apartment. _Beca!_ She forgot about her aching nose and quickly got up. She jogged to the door and stopped in her tracks when she thought about going out to see her. _Is this a good idea?_ She completely ignored the thought, she grabbed the lanyard from the counter and went out into the hallway. Her hand slowly turning the key, she let out a long breath. _Here we go._ She opened the door and closed it behind her. “Beca?” she said walking into the kitchen, seeing Beca cracking an egg into a skillet.

“Chloe.” Chloe was surprised to get a response “What can I do for you?” she asked light voice turning to face her.

“I just thought I’d stop by,” she said as she twiddled her fingers nervously “I just wanted to see if you were home.” she said casually and gave a small smile. She was feeling so on edge, she was practically just ready to scream her apology. _Please don’t still be mad._

“Oh,” she checked on the egg and looked back at her “Well here I am.” she let out one small laugh.

“So it seems.” she carefully took a seat at the table. She sat in a silence for a second, unsure of what she was supposed to say next, and Beca cleared her throat.

“You hungry?” Beca said flipping the egg and putting bread in the toaster. Chloe thought about it for a second.

“I could eat.” she said trying not to sound so uneasy. _She’s making me breakfast?_ Beca handed her own plate to her. “Oh no, Bec, you should eat first.”

“No no, it’s fine.” she said and turned back to the kitchen. The lack of conversation was so loud. Chloe waited patiently for Beca to finish making her food to begin eating.

 

****

 

Beca took a seat at the table in the chair right next to Chloe. Beca could feel Chloe’s nerves, it was always a small pleasure of hers to know she was nervous. Chloe is very confident in everything, and to know that just sitting there next to Beca was making her nervous was a small victory on Beca’s end.

 

****

 

When they finished Beca picked up their plates. “You need help with the dishes?” Chloe asked standing up and trying to fill the silence.

“I mean if you want, you don’t have to.” Beca said going through the kitchen and filling the sink. Chloe went over and started washing. Beca was drying and she picked up a cup. She got the rhythm going, she could see Chloe smile. “I got my ticket for the long way ‘round.” Beca started, keeping the rhythm going, waiting for Chloe. She didn't know what this meant she kept washing the dishes, listening to Beca play her cup, she shook her head looking up from the sink.

“Two bottle ‘a whiskey for the way.” she looked over at Beca, seeing her big grin.

“And I sure, would like some sweet company. And I’m leaving tomorrow, wha-do-ya say?”  they both laughed finishing up the kitchen.

“That was great.” Beca said grabbing her two orange bottles from her bag.

“So, Beca,” Chloe said observing her, watching her take both of the medications. Beca swallowed and looked at Chloe, raising her eyebrows as to tell her to continue. “I just want to apologize for how I overreacted yesterday.”

“Chloe, you don’t have to-”

“No, I do because I got mad at you for holding back but-” she caught herself and tried to vacuum her words back into her mouth, she froze.

“Chlo?” Beca said, she was pulled out of this scared and nervous state by the feeling of Beca’s hand on her arm.

“Sorry, sorry.” she said shaking her head “I got mad at you because I was feeling like you weren’t okay with me anymore. I made the situation about me when it had nothing to do with me, and I was being selfish. "Chloe said looking at Beca’s face.

“You don’t have to apologize, I get it,” Beca said her hand on Chloe’s bicep, she gave a light squeeze and let go. "I should’ve have told you about all of that stuff anyway.” Beca said as an apology.

“It’s totally okay, I-” she stopped again and took a deep breath. Beca looked at her, her forgiving face turning into concern. “I got mad for you holding back, when I’ve actually been holding something back from you.” she spit it out as calmly as she could.

“Okay,” Beca said, relieved that it wasn’t something bad “Do you want to talk about it at all or will we eventually get there...?” she asked cautiously considering the immense amount of nervousness that fell across Chloe for the moment.

“We can talk about it.” she said nodding her head “After worlds I realized something,” she looked down a little and looked back up to see Beca’s face. This familiar face, there was nothing that could possibly scare her away and she knew that, but there was still that daunting fear of losing her. They shared so much laughter, so many sick days, shared the same menstrual cycle, pints of ice cream after fights and Chloe's break ups, a bedroom, secrets, and even some tears and all the many tears Chloe has cried, Beca had been there for all of them. There was nothing she couldn’t say to her that Beca wouldn’t be able to handle, she’d seen it all. She _had_ to tell her. Beca looked at Chloe’s fear ridden face, waiting for whatever was about to hit. Chloe looked into her eyes for a second longer. “I uh,” she couldn't even understand what she was trying to say. “You know how you and Jesse split because you weren't happy and you just settled, but you didn't feel _genuinely_ happy?”

“Yeah…” Beca said cautiously.

“Well that was me,” she looked at Beca to make sure she was following. “Except in _every_ relationship. I've never felt too at home or as happy as I am with my girls, you know.” It was just coming out now “I feel really in my element with my girls, you know, my Bella's. I thought it was just a 'I just enjoy my friends’ type of thing.” She let Beca take a second to take it all in. “But then you know I've always been curious, and then all the physical contact with everyone and all the touching was always different. Of course it was innocent but it always left me with a feeling. Like I always wanted more.” Beca was listening very carefully now. “I just felt so lost?” She said trying to find the right words. “I don't know, something was just missing. I tried finding a point where I was totally happy and that point was with my girls, and well I-” _oh God._ Chloe thought. _Here it comes._ She braced herself. “I'm gay.” She waited for Beca to react to what she just said. _Oh God, oh God. OhmyGod._ Beca stayed quiet for a minute. _Say something._

“You could've just said you were gay.” she put her hand back on Chloe's shoulder, trying to assure her that it was okay, relief hit her like the way the warmth of the sun does. She laughed.

“Well, it's just that my parents weren't so okay with it.” She said shrugging her shoulders. She had nothing to be afraid of this whole time. “We just uh, aren't getting along too well.” Chloe said back, Beca gave her a smile.

“Hey, it's okay.”

“Thanks, Bec.” Chloe felt so relieved she didn't have to relive her parents house.

 

****

 

“So whatcha you gotta do today?” Beca put her finger on her chin and tapped it sarcastically.

“Hm, well usually I go to work but…” _work._ _Ugh_. She didn't, she couldn't, and she would _not_ go to work. Not after the night before. That had been the millionth time she's thought of that since she's woken up. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't just call in sick and work at her little Radio Shack forever, she had to be an adult about this. But did she really have to? She couldn't go to work with the chance that she might actually remember kissing her. What if she thought they were an item? Oh no this was very bad. Beca stopped thinking and looked at Chloe with a puckish grin, covering up her worry and sweeping it under the rug.

 

****

 

“Oh my, Beca Mitchell, are you thinking about calling in sick?” Chloe said pretending to be shocked as she handed Beca her phone to make the call. _Just like old times._ Chloe sat on the arm of the couch and waited. She couldn’t help but smile, for the first time since the day she got there, she felt like she and Beca were in sync again. Beca called work, she did her signature sick-voice she used to play hooky for Bella rehearsals.

“It is done!” Beca said jumping through the doorway of the bedroom, she smiled so big. Her smile seemed frozen for a second.

“What now?” Chloe laughed.

“I’m not sure.” Beca laughed and shrugged “Come on.” things were good now.

 

****

 

Beca wasn’t mad anymore, she could never stay mad at Chloe, that was a just a fact, but usually it took her longer to come around. Whatever, Chloe was happy about it, as long as they were speaking right? She was surprised it was that easy, but maybe that was just her. She just enjoyed her for the morning. She picked out her outfit, which Beca was not happy about. She put her in a white crop top and ripped jeans. Crop top? Fine. The ripped jeans she didn’t mind, but Chloe added fishnet stockings under them. Beca thought of it as extra work to go pee now. She would have to pull down her jeans, the stockings, and then her underwear. _Ugh._ Beca grumbled at her attire looking herself in the mirror, Chloe had a smug look on her face knowing she wouldn’t change.

Beca worked on some paperwork she brought home yesterday, and she watched her tinker with a track on her computer. “How did it go with your new client, Becs?” Chloe was perched on the desk, Beca stopped moving for a second, she completely froze before looking at her. She looked like she just got slapped. Her face stayed like that for just a minute, she completely drown it out with long humming.

“Uhh-it, uh-it went alright, I guess.” her eyes darted between the paper in her hands, to the monitor, to Chloe’s face. _Fuck, does she know? Oh fuck, you’re fucked, dude. You’re so fucked._ Why did she get so weird? It was just a question about work.

“Just alright?” _dude, fuck. You are fucked, if she doesn’t know she’ll ask, but if she does she’s gonna get pissed. But she’ll get pissed either way. Fuck. You’re fucked, there’s no way out of this._

“Um, sure. Yeah.” that wasn’t very convincing. _Just… fuck._ She looked up, her eyebrows were raised and she looked totally suspicious and guilty. She wasn’t doing a good job at hiding it. She looked at time, it was half past four. “You should get ready.”

“Why?” Beca was running out the door and Chloe followed.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think about Chloe coming out? I thought it was brilliant.


	14. Never Have I Ever

* * *

 

Beca ran into Chloe’s bedroom and jumped on the unmade bed, Chloe jumped on after her. Beca swatted her with a pillow. “Hey!” Chloe yelled through a smile, she felt weightless. She fell onto Beca and wrapped one arm around her waist and tickled her with the other free hand.

“Chloe, quit!” Beca said her voice going supersonic, laughing and kicking her feet.

“It’s not so fun when you’re on the other side is it?” Chloe said as she stopped. She moved her arm from Beca’s waist to around her neck as they both laid back on the bed. Chloe looked down at Beca and Beca looked up, they both let out random girlish laughs and looked up at the ceiling. Beca’s butterflies were back, kept seeing Chloe in her head, she thought about the kiss the night before. Small panic ran through her body, she tensed a little and she saw Chloe glance down at her. Her body felt like it locked and Chloe's hand closed on Beca's shoulder and gave a small squeeze, to comfort her in whatever state of panic she was in. Beca's body unfroze, completely calm laying next to her, remembering how to relax.

 _Hey it's okay._ Her own words repeating in her head. It would've been okay in that moment if Chloe's bedsheets didn't smell so much like her. If Beca wasn't looking so deeply into her eyes. If her arm wasn't snaked under her neck. If their hips weren't touching. If Kelly hadn't kissed her or if Beca didn't kiss Kelly, or whatever way it went. If she hadn't been imagining Chloe on the other end of her lips. If she wasn't so fixated on her forbidden thoughts about her best friend, this moment would be okay. But her body put on a show and lied. On the outside it was okay, but the inside was an illogical and confused armageddon. She looked up at Chloe watching her be free, but she felt like she had a ball and chain to whatever type of thing was happening to her.

 

* * *

 

Chloe got up and walked over to the closet, Beca rolled over on her stomach and watched Chloe go through the shirts that hung. She picked out two tank tops, a black one that Beca gave her that said ‘Nope!’ and blue one that had three unnecessary buttons at the top. She took off the giant t-shirt and put on the blue one. “This one?” She turned around once “Or this one?” She said changing into the other. Beca didn't have to think about it.

“The black.” Chloe walked over to the dresser and put on light colored shorts. Beca sat up on her bed, criss cross, and watched Chloe continue to get ready. _Should I tell her about last night?_ Beca thought looking at the back of Chloe's head.

“Ready?” Chloe said turning around with a mini purse hanging across her body and sunglasses sitting on top of her head. Beca got up from the bed and stood in front of Chloe.

“Yeah, let's go.” She said Chloe went to move “Wait.” Beca said grabbing Chloe by the shoulders and moving her back. She stepped in closer. She could hear Chloe take a deep breath in and hold it. She picked at a piece of lint on her shirt, she lifted her fingers and pulled it off. “You had something on your shirt.” her mouth was so dry as if she ate a handful of sand.

 

****

 

Chloe thought of the countless times she gotten in Beca's space, but Beca rarely got in her space, if she got in her space at all. “Thanks.” She said without raising her voice too much. She laughed as Beca stepped away.

 

****

 

Beca’s heart was ready to move out of her body. It couldn't take living in such a dangerously nervous person anymore. Her heart wanted to quit. “So, where are we going?” Chloe said as she moved throughout the apartment, turning the fan in the living room off. They walked out into the hallway and back into Beca's apartment to get her things. She grabbed her leather jacket and locked the door behind her.

“If I could make a suggestion,” Beca said turning around and putting her jacket between her arm and body. “Can we drop my keys off with Sam? I left my car at the club again.” Chloe rolled her eyes at the fact that Beca had left her car at a club for the second time that week.

“You should stop partying so much.” She said putting her sunglasses on, she couldn't see her eyes but she could feel the teasing stare. She knew she just didn't want to go and see Sam. She could already feel the unreasonable jealousy.

“Hey, I was being a responsible adult.” Responsible? Ha! She had just made out with her new co-worker the night before. _Ew_ ! _Ew! Stop it, gross!_ Beca linked their arms together. She brushed off the sudden chill down her spine and continued to walk.

 

****

 

They pulled up to the body shop, Chloe prepared her death stares that no one could see through the sunglasses. Beca got out of the car and Chloe watched and waited for the stupid hug to happen. _Ugh_. Chloe thought. Strangely enough Beca didn't go for a big hug. She shut him down with a fist bump. Chloe's eyebrows raised and she was completely surprised by the lack of physical affection.

 

****

 

“Hey, Sam.” Beca said removing her hand from the fist bump.

“Hey…” he looked at her questionably “Everything okay?” He asked seeing how reserved she was being with him. He looked at the car and saw Chloe sitting in the driver's seat. “Oh I see,” he said looking back at her “I get you, you don't have to explain.” He smiled and Beca took a second to think about what he was getting at.

“Oh no, no that's not-no.” She said unconvincingly even though she knew that was exactly why.

“Mmhm.” He teased.

 

****

 

They both looked at Chloe, her ears were burning. _What are they talking about?_

 

_****_

 

“So I have a favor,” Beca said ignoring the stupid smile on his face.

“What's up?”

“Well I don't want to have to drive my car home and then leave in Chloe's so,” she held her keys in her hands and put them together in front of her chest. “Would you just take it back to my place for me?” She put her knuckles up to her mouth and smiled pleadingly.

“Dude, I don't need more of an excuse to drive your car.” He said holding his hand out for the keys. She squealed and did a happy dance.

“Thanks, man.” She said giving him another fist bump “I'll see you around, my guy.” She got back into the car and put her sunglasses back on feeling accomplished.

 

****

 

Chloe looked at her amused with Beca's emotions. _She's so 'Beca’, why?_ She thought. Not that Beca being so 'Beca’ was bad but she could definitely feel something shift.

“Let's remix this business?” Chloe asked giving no hint to her amusement.

“Okay first of all, that's my catch phrase, but I'll let you borrow it.”

“Oh, how kind of you.”

 

* * *

 

They drove to Santa Monica, and went window shopping, and walked all throughout the little parts of it. “You wanna hear something cool?” Beca asked, dying to show her the amazingness of the acoustics from under the boardwalk.

“Um DUh, of course I do.” She said in a funny voice that made Beca smile a little more. Beca walked further up the rocks, almost directly underneath the middle of the pier.

“This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof.” Her voice carried all the way out to the water, Chloe dropped her jaw at the sound of the beautiful echoes.

“Never gonna get it, never gonna get it,” Chloe began.

“Never gonna get it, never gonna get it,”

“Never gonna get it, never gonna get it.”

“Mm never get it.” Chloe waited for Beca's big note.

“Oh woah, woah, woah.” Her voice was so soulful and powerful, she sang with her eyes closed and she leaned over belting out notes and vocalized to the song playing in her head. Her eyebrows pulled together a little and her nose slightly scrunched, Chloe could see the tendons in her neck.

The way she sang had always been cute and sweet and adorable, but when she was singing for the sole purpose of just wanting to, it was something completely different. It was strong, and confident, and powerful. Chloe felt the wanting feeling watching Beca sing so confidently and so freely and almost completely unaware that Chloe had still been there. They kept singing songs and challenging each other's vocal ranges. Having their own little Riff Off and singing old sets and mixes together. Chloe started to sing and Beca's palm went straight into her face.

“I, I've got a new life. You would hardly recognize-”

“Nope! Nope, nope, no, no, no. You're fired.” Chloe laughed at Beca and her sarcastic disappointment.

“What? I like that song.” Chloe said knowing Beca detested that song.

“Chloe Beale,” her whole name coming from her mouth wasn't something she heard often. It was always just 'Chloe’, 'Chlo’, and sometimes 'Beale’ everything else was a silly nickname, but _this_ . This made all the air inside her disappear. “You _know_ how I feel about that song. I hate it you know that.” Beca tiredly reminded her, as if she needed the reminder though. Chloe smirked and kept going, despite Beca's disdain for the song.

“I saw the sign-”

“Nope! Come on, we're leaving.”

 

****

 

They sat on the beach and played Never Have I Ever. “Never have I ever…” Chloe thought, thinking about the three fingers Beca had and the two she had. This would be round two, Beca won the first. “Been in handcuffs.” she grinned evilly, knowing that Beca _had_ been in handcuffs before.

“Okay, so not fair!” Beca shouted putting one finger down, bringing them to a tie.

“When were you in handcuffs, Bec?” the way she so innocently asked was patronizing.

“Oh come one, don’t act like you don’t know!” she rolled her eyes and gave an exasperated breath. It was her first performance as a Bella, and she was arrested for destruction of property. Chloe knew _very_ well, she was only there in her dorm until she got bailed out. Kimmy Jin wasn’t too happy about that. _‘Of course we waited up for you.’. 'It’s a real inconvenience, Beca.’_

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.” she shook her head and tilted it to the side. _Liar, Liar._

“That one time I punched that old acapella dude in the face?”

“Oh, oh right.” she tapped her lip and looked at Beca with a smug expression. Her voice was light and fluffy. Beca's eyebrow shot up and her eyes had a mischievous look in them.

“But, you know, Chlo,” Beca had that look on her face, that sarcastic flat look, she about to say something real smart-ass-like. “ _All_ handcuffs count.” She wasn't catching on and suddenly her face was scarlet red.

“But, wait!” Chloe yelled, her mouth fell open, she was speechless and embarrassed. She started remembering that day Beca had looked in the box under her bed.

 

* * *

 

**“Becs, can you do me a favor and get all the shoes from under the bed?”**

**“On it.” Beca said passing Chloe in the hallway. They were getting ready to move into the Bella house. They were all excited, Beca had already done her packing but Chloe, who was the queen of procrastination and last minute things, hadn't quite finished. Beca agreed to help her finish, they just had to get the things from her desk and underneath the bed. Boxes and boxes, upon boxes. Chloe had so many pairs of shoes, she could probably start her own shoe store.**

**“Can you make sure they're all in their boxes? Thank you so much, you're a peach.” Chloe said not really asking, but just telling her. They had a funny way of doing that. Just telling each other, they didn't even need to say ‘please’ anymore, it became accustomed to them to just** **_say_ ** **.**

 **“Alrighty then.” Beca sighed reaching under the bed, about to start the conquest of packing all the shoes. She looked in each box, both pairs in them for every single one.** **_Jesus Christ, she only has one pair of feet! How can she have so many shoes?_ ** **She pulled out one surprisingly light box. There was probably only one shoe, she opened it and her pea sized brain imploded. “Oh… my… God…” she was looking at pink fuzzy handcuffs and a lingerie set, the type you see in movies and in cougars closets, they were under** **_Chloe's_ ** **bed. Her face flushed as she thought of Chloe** **_actually_ ** **using them.** **_Holy shit_ ** **. “Holy shit.”**

**“Beca!” Chloe ran to her snatching the box from her hands. “What are you doing?” She yelled putting the lid back on.**

**“I-I-I found it on ac-ac-accident. I-I did-didn’t know tha-tha-that they-they were in the-there.” Her tongue was thick and her stutter had revealed itself for the first time.**

**“Beca!” She yelled one more time, pretending not to completely adore her tripping tongue.**

**“I-I-” Beca couldn't finish, her face was tomato red. She took a deep breath, she could feel how ashamed of her stutter she was. “I swear, I was** **_not_ ** **snooping, you told me to look in each box, so.” She looked down at her hands, her fingernails squeezing to her palm. Chloe sighed and knelt down beside her.**

**“It's okay, I guess I should've hid them better.” Chloe nudged Beca, feeling her unease. Beca looked back up at her for just a second and her eyes shot back down. “I didn't know you had a stutter.” She didn’t mean to just point it out like that, but she wasn't about to ignore the cuteness, she had to ask. Beca chuckled a little and cleared her throat.**

**“I-I’ve had it since I was a kid,” she shrugged and she finally looked into Chloe's eyes. Chloe noticed the pale blue color and the way that they sometimes turned grey. She was taken by them, focusing in on her iris, the way the lightest shade was on the outer part and going around her pupil, it was a slightly darker shade.** **_Jesus._ ** **“It happens when I'm nervous, I'm sorry.” Beca shook her head and looked down again, like she had done something wrong.**

 **“Don't be sorry,** **_I_ ** **like it.” Beca smiled a great big smile, she could feel her shame disappear because** **_someone_ ** **liked something about her, even though she felt undesirable. She was everything. “So I guess I should explain the handcuffs then.” Chloe rattled the box and Beca's eyes went wide looking at her.**

**“Um, not uh-not necessary. I'm good.” She laughed and started to explain and Beca covered her ears. “Noooo! Nope!”**

* * *

 

 

********

 

She felt warm. She looked deep into her eyes again, seeing the way the sun was shining into them, deepening the colors. Her mouth was still hanging open, she snapped it shut and then opened it again. “But-”

“Finger down, Beale.” her grin was proud and victorious.

“Fine.” She had one finger left.

“Never have I ever gotten sick on a date.” Chloe's face lit up, her last finger wasn't going down so soon.

“Ha! No, I haven't!” Beca tried to look unamused by her gloating, but secretly, she loved it. “Okay! My turn!” She thought hard about this one, she had to make it good. “Kissed the wrong person or a stranger.” She said excited she finally thought of something that wouldn't cost her a finger.

 

****

 

“What uh-what do you mean?” Beca said narrowing her eyes. She lost this one, she technically did both if she thought about it. She shouldn't have been kissing Kelly, she had also met her _that_ day so by definition she _was_ a stranger and the wrong person. _She can't possibly know about Kelly can she? What is she talking about?_ _Oh God, please don't know._

“Well, like, you think they're someone else or, you have no idea who it is.” _so would last night count?_

“Um…” Beca said unsure of how to explain the situation.

“OhmyGod, you totally did!” Chloe said her mouth hanging open in shock.

“I don't know!” Argued Beca. “I'm not sure if my thing even fits into that.”

“Well what happened? If you tell me, I can tell you if it does.” Chloe said, trying not to sound nosey.

“Well, this person kissed me and,” Beca said quietly drawing squiggles in the sand. “I thinking about someone else the whole time.” She mumbled. Beca thought more about who she kissed and who she wanted it to be more than whether that fit into the game.

“Who was it?” She asked her turning her face a little and winking, making Beca want to scream.

“I don't know, just some person.” Beca said looking up at the sky as if she were looking into her head. She tried not give anything away about last night, so she could get away from this conversation. Vague descriptions were very necessary at the moment.

“Oh my God, _Beca!_ ” Chloe said pretending not to be amused with her confession. "Were they at least cute?”

“Well yeah, she was alright.” Beca's hands covered her mouth immediately. _You just said that! What's the matter with you! Why would you say ‘she’?_ She looked at Chloe's reacting face and got up and made a run for it.

“Beca!” She heard Chloe running behind her. Running on the beach is a lot harder than it looks. She turned around and saw Chloe coming for her, she darted to right and to the left and ran quickly past Chloe. She felt Chloe on her tail and suddenly she was falling in the sand. “Okay, _you_ said it.” Chloe said sitting on top of her “Now _you've_ got some 'splainin to do.” she looking at Beca with her warning face.

“It was late, I was drunk and so was she, she kissed me, and-”

“Was it any good?” Chloe randomly interrupted.

“Well,” Beca said frowning a little, thinking back to it a little. “It wasn't bad.” Somehow her uncertain answer, seemed more certain than the it should've. Chloe laughed a little bit.

“Okay and then what?”

“ _And then what?’_ what?” Beca asked looking at her trying to hide everything and hide under the sand.

“Did you kiss her back?” Chloe asked her with an impatient tone like if she'd asked her straight up the first time. Beca tried her best to just magically appear somewhere Chloe wasn't.

 

****

 

Chloe's wig was snatched and somewhere lost in the pier right now. Chloe was looking down at her, watching her try to twist and move, waiting for her answer. “Hey! I already answered the question, and that's not part of it so, if you would please.” Beca said pulling her arms out and using them to pull herself into a sitting position. Chloe moved off and laughed a little.

“So you can't tell me about a _stupid_ kiss?”

“If it's _so stupid,_ why do you wanna know?” Chloe let out a short breath in disbelief, she got up and started walking down to where they originally were. She knew she was making something out of nothing but she didn't care! She didn't care because Beca kissed some woman she wasn't even attracted to and she couldn’t even talk to her about it, it drove Chloe nuts.

It was frustrating, it was _another woman_ at that, best friends tell, don't they? Why wasn't she saying? Did she have feelings for her or something? _Ugh._ The thought disgusted Chloe. Beca was trying to catch up, lightly jogging up to her. She made Chloe to stop walking and look at her. “I-I know I can t-tell you. And I'm s-sorry, but it's hard to tell you because-” she saw Chloe roll her eyes, she couldn't give in to her stutter, not right now. “You know what? Forget it.” She stopped talking and she walked away leaving Chloe on the beach. Chloe sat back down, she pulled her knees up to her chest and stared at the waves for a while.

 _You just fixed things and now you're gonna get mad because she kissed a woman she didn't care about. You heard her say it, she wanted someone else the whole time, so why are you mad?_ She didn't understand, Beca was her best friend. She wanted nothing more than Beca to be 'Beca’ around her. It was pretty funny actually, because she remembered how days ago she was refusing to tell her she was gay, and now she was mad about _a kiss_ . Ha! This was just a kiss, it didn't mean anything. _It didn't mean anything._ She thought about this until it hurt, it _didn't_ mean _anything_ , right? No it couldn't. Or what if it _did_ and that's why she wasn't saying. _Shit._

Chloe was literally about to scream, it was so hard to wrap her mind around the thought of someone having Beca's total attention, _someone_ would completely take her attention all over again. She could _barely_ accept Jesse, but she _had_ to accept Jesse, for Beca. She hated him, she hated him and his stupid obsession with movies, the way he called her 'Becaw’, she just hated him. He was just a guy before, she barely noticed him before anything, she didn't pay too much attention to him. But throw her best friend into the mix and she was ready with her claws out. But they're best friends, they were too close to not tell. Chloe just needed to cool her jets.

* * *

 


	15. I Can't

* * *

 

Chloe thought resting her chin on her knees. Another twenty minutes went by and Chloe picked herself up off the ground and walked up to the boardwalk, hoping Beca would be there maybe. She walked and looked everywhere, it was hard to find such a short person in such large crowds. She couldn't find her so she tried a bar they drove by. She walked further down the beach, looking at all the young couples, and feeling a little sad with the fact that she was walking down a beach by herself in front of all these people who had somebody right then and there.

She'd walked so far down the sun began to set, she kept going a little further. She gave up on that side and started walking back, the sun got lower and lower in the sky. She looked in all the booths and down over on the pier looking out, the sun looked as if it were sitting on the water. _Did she leave?_ She thought pulling out her phone and calling her.

 

* * *

 

She walked further to the edge and listened for an answer when she heard something underneath the pier. She listened closely. “I got all I need when I got you and I,” she heard something clap against the water “I look around me and see a sweet life. I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight. You're getting me, getting me through the night.” She smiled and walked off the pier, focusing only on the voice. “Cause you're my flashlight, cause you're my flashlight. You're getting me, getting me through the night.” She followed the voice and silently walked under the pier. “Cause you're my flashlight. Cause you're my flashlight. You're my flashlight.”

“The acoustics down here really are amazing.” Beca turned around, slightly frightened but she had a bothered expression as she saw Chloe standing behind her. She turned back around and picked up another rock and skipped it.

“Yep.” She said in a quick flat voice. She began humming a tune Chloe was not familiar with.

“Is that song you're writing?” Beca stopped humming for a moment. She kept skipping rocks, she was being cold and closed off, classic pissed-off Beca. Her jaw clenched a little and the small vein in her temple popped out a little. _Come on, you can do better than that._

“Can you teach me to do that?” Chloe said walking closer down to where Beca was. She stood next to her and watched her, and the way her eyebrows were in such a stone faced expression.

“You hold it like this,” she gesturing at her index finger that was curved around the top of the rock and the thumb supporting the bottom. “And you throw it like this.” She said skipping it across the water.

“So like this?” She said poorly doing it on purpose, letting her rock just plop into the water.

“No, you gotta-” she let out a sigh moved behind Chloe “Here.” she said bending her arm a certain way and leaning her shoulder a little. She felt tingly as soon as she touched her and quickly retreated. Her hands quickly shot up “Stop! Stop what you're doing.” She told Chloe backing away and picking up another rock. Chloe frowned at her.

“What? Stop what?” She asked a little irritated herself. But she knew what she was doing. She always knew what she was doing, she always had a plan to make up and be okay. She had to make it right, she couldn't keep fighting her like this. This was not how she wanted living next door to her to go. The yelling and ignoring, she was _not_ going to be ignored, she wasn't going to let her shut her out.

“You always do something, that thing! And you always get me and you-you say something, and apologize or we talk about it, and I am not about that right now, Chloe.” She explained. Chloe _had_ always done that after they fought. She'd sneak a hug over her and fix things, it was one of the only ways she knew how. Knowing she did this, she acted clueless as to what Beca was talking about, that just made Beca angrier.

“No, I don't.” She defended herself even though she knew it was true.

“Yes, Chloe, you do and it's not gonna work this time.” Beca said as the last rock she skipped smacked the water twice before sinking. Chloe was already frustrated enough, but the fact she couldn’t ignore how beautiful Beca looked with the last bit of sunlight hitting her just right, didn’t help. She kept looking at her pale skin and the way her jeans fit just right and the way she could barely see a sliver of her skin underneath her shirt. The fishnets were a _very_ good idea on Chloe's end. She couldn't stop staring, she was starting to look like an idiot now, just looking too focused on her appearance than she would've liked. She snapped out of it when she found Beca's eyes. _Say something now, or forever hold your peace._

“Why are you so afraid to talk to me, Beca?” Chloe asked with a huffy voice, the fact that she couldn't focus further irritated her. “What are you so afraid of? I was hiding _in the closet_ from you,” she had a fair point. “And that is a _really_ big pill to swallow, so I’m sure whatever you have is not _that_ bad.” she softened a little after she heard herself get so upset over something just so little and unimportant. But Chloe had no idea _how_ bad it actually was.

 

****

 

Beca was wondering too, she wanted to know too. Why was she in such deep thought about this? She was so… distraught and caught off guard by this. She didn't want to be having this conversation right now, not knowing that she was going to have to go back to work and see Kelly. What would she say to her? There was nothing she could possibly say to her. _How about, 'Hey Kelly, I'm so sorry but I'm already panicked and stressed enough, your kiss made me feel worse, because now I'm confused. But I think we should forget about the whole thing, since I work with you.’ sure. Yeah, that's some real progress, Beca._

“ _I’m_ not even sure what’s going on with me right now, so I’m sorry I can’t give you instant gratification with a simple bullshit answer, Chlo.”

 

****

 

Chloe frowned and opened her mouth to yell some more but she saw Beca’s genuine disappointment in herself. Her lips fell into a shy thin lipped look. _She said she doesn't know, so she doesn't know. Just give her time. She'll tell you, just not right now._ She could feel this sort of ache in her heart, seeing Beca so upset and she couldn't really fix it.

This seemed like a special case, she was usually able to comfort her, but right now it seemed like she couldn't. She never understood it, she didn't like it. This distance wasn't something that happened with _Aubrey_.The thought of that pained Chloe. She could understand that Aubrey was the best at advice, Chloe's was good too of course, she was _always_ there for moral support, but Aubrey always had an answer and always seemed to know what she was doing. Chloe didn't really understand how to deal with Beca's panic. Aubrey did, since her dad was a Navy Seal, she had to learn how to handle panic. She was the best at it. But Chloe, she had a hard time not panicking _with_ you. She could cuddle the crap out of you, but when it came to Beca, cuddles weren't exactly the best thing. What could she do really? There wasn't much of a choice if Beca didn't tell her. She drew a quiet breath and moved closer to Beca. _Just in your head, it's just in your head._

“I'm sorry.” She said putting her hand between her shoulder blades. She moved her hand back and forth, Beca stopped skipping rocks and looked out at the edge of the water, her body tensed back up again. “Whenever you _do_ find out what’s going on, and you want to talk, you know I’m here. ‘Kay?” she moved closer onto Beca’s side and looked at her face. She smiled a little, she wouldn't push then, but at some point. She couldn't ruin this right now. _Just give it time. It just takes time._

“Thanks, Chlo, I’ll uh-let you know or whatever.” Chloe held out her hands, asking Beca if she wanted a hug without actually having to say it out loud.

 

****

 

Beca walked into Chloe, wrapping her arms around her waist and hiding in her red hair, the butterflies were everywhere again but they were slowly turning into moths, eating at her mind. It made her antsy and anxious. _What is this?_ Beca was so confused as to why her body was acting the way it did for the past few days. And then she began to recollect when all of this started. The butterflies hadn't always been so strong, but they were there, these types of butterflies were the special kind. They were Chloe's butterflies.

“I love you, awesome nerd.” Chloe mocked, her mouth was right above her ear, Beca's heart was about to resign and climb out of her throat. Beca pulled away a little too fast for Chloe not to notice, but she acted like nothing was wrong. _Everything is fine._ She thought. But it was in fact not 'fine’. What was she to do? Just never go to work again? I mean she could for a while, anxiety is a medical condition isn't it? That could buy her sometime, only except she had a contract with Kelly. She still had to record _with Kelly._ There wasn't really a way to fix this. How was she going to fix this? _Could_ she fix this? Was there a special handbook labeled ‘Fixing an Accidental-Not-So-Accidental Makeout Session with the Woman You Just Met and Started Working With: For Dummies’? Why was this such a big deal? If she kissed literally any other co-worker, she would just show up and apologize, why was Kelly any different?

“Okay, I love you too and all but, you gotta stop stealing my lines, okay?” She held onto Chloe's fingers for dear life, she couldn't understand why she was holding so tight but Chloe didn't mind. Chloe laughed and Beca pulled on her hand.

 

****

 

 _Something has definitely changed._ Chloe thought seeing Beca straining herself trying not to seem strained.

 

_****_

 

 _OhmyGod, OhmyGod._ Beca was actually panicking inside. Why? Beca didn't even know, it was just this big feeling that had it's arms linked with hers on the opposite side of Chloe. They got in the car and drove. The night seemed to have stopped as Beca's panic only grew. She kissed Kelly. _She kissed Kelly,_ now what? Her knuckles turned white, her hands were wringed tightly around the steering wheel, she couldn't focus on the road she forgot to take a turn. “Beca, you missed our street.” she said looking back at the sign and then at Beca. _What do I do? Oh my God, what do I do? Should I just tell her? OhmyGod._

 

****

 

“Beca?” She noticed her vision was being clouded, she wasn't paying any attention unil Chloe called her name a little louder.

“Shit! Y-y-yeah, s-s-so-so-sorry.” She quickly merged lanes to go in the right direction. “S-sorry, I-I-I was-was-wasn’t pay-paying atte-ntion.”

“Hey, hey.” She went to put her hand on her shoulder and Beca moved away. She drew her hand back into her lap and looked straight ahead, trying not to make it personal.

 

****

 

Beca could feel all the stresses running through her head, drilling into her mind making themselves at home. She couldn't look at Chloe, she couldn't think of recording with Kelly, she couldn't even think of the radio. She had to just stop. But she couldn't, everything felt so extreme. She could feel the anxiety building inside of her, she started feeling Chloe's worry from the passengers side. “Beca? Beca, what’s wrong?” Beca could barely notice that she was starting to hyperventilate.

“N-n-noth-noth-nothing. Y-y-you sh-should pro-probably dr-drive.” She felt like she was locked in a box with insects crawling all over her. She felt squirmy and uncomfortable, she couldn't relax and Chloe couldn't keep her eyes off of her, which was making it worse.

“Yeah, yeah of course.” They pulled to the side and traded places. _I can't tell her, I can't, I can't. I can't tell her._

 

****

 

Chloe was starting to feel uneasy watching Beca slowly slip into another attack. What would she do, she's driving? She took her medication, she saw her do it. Why was she having a meltdown, everything was fine, wasn't it? They pulled up to the apartment and parked beside Beca's car. Beca got out of the car almost immediately, she was already stepping into the lobby before Chloe could close her door. She didn't even look back to make sure she locked the car, she ran after Beca inside the building. They stood on opposite sides of the elevator, Beca was in the corner fidgeting with her zipper. Her face looked empty, she couldn't read anything about her. It was scaring her.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one was late! I've had a long week, I needed to sleep.


	16. Couldn't Be

* * *

 

“Um, Beca?” Chloe said seeing that she was having trouble holding the keys still, her hand was shaking trying to unlock the door. “Beca?” Suddenly she was already inside. Chloe walked in after and closed the door, there was so much noise coming from the kitchen.

“Damn it!” she walked in to see Beca turning the kitchen upside down “Where is it?” she yelled frustrated, opening a kitchen drawer too hard.

“Beca, where’s what?” she was a little scared by Beca frantically trying to find whatever she was trying to find.

 

_****_

 

_She just kissed you! She kissed you! Why would she do that? OhmyGod! What do I do? What do I fucking do, ohmyGod! Why is this happening?_

 

_****_

 

“The stupid-” she pulled out another drawer and looked inside “Bottle opener.” she pulled it out and opened her beer, it sprayed all over her and Chloe. “Shit!” Beca walked quickly past Chloe toward her bedroom.

“Beca, calm down!” she said grabbing her wrist to pull her back.

“Why would she do that?” she yelled “Why would she kiss me?” Chlo was shocked. _Why is Beca so angry?_

“Beca-”

“ _Why_ would you do that?” Chloe realized that she didn't mean 'you’ as in her, she meant 'you' as in herself. She stopped talking she let out a long breath “I just,” she ran her hand through her hair “I’m sorry just- let go please.” Chloe let go of her hand. She felt so heavy all of the sudden. She walked after her.

“Beca, wait.” She followed her to the bedroom and she was half a foot away from the bathroom door when it closed and locked. She stood there with her hand an inch away from the door, she set it down three solid times. “Beca, come on, open up.” She waited and listened to the hum of the fan. “Beca?” She knocked three more times.

 

****

 

“I-I can't ri-right now.” Beca was sitting on the floor, in front of the door, with her knees to her chest and her face hidden underneath her arms. “I’m sorry.” She said, her voice being muffled by the way her arms were covering most of her head. Chloe said nothing, she listened to sound of her footsteps in her bedroom disappear.

 

****

 

Chloe made sure to close the door behind her on the way out. She sat in the corner of the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. She sat and there wondered why Beca was dreading telling her who it was. Maybe if she knew who it was she, she could figure out Beca's frustration. She could maybe help.

 

****

 

Beca still sat against the door, she couldn't feel anything but frustrated. She picked herself up off the floor and she undressed herself and stood in the shower. She stood there with the water hitting her face for a few minutes but she still couldn't wash the frustration off of her. She scrubbed her cheek roughly, she had to get this feeling off of her. She turned the heat up, the scalding water was hitting her, burning her skin. She sat on the floor and watched it all go down the drain. She listened, there was no singing, just the silent sounds of the shower.

 

* * *

 

She couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss, that small insignificant kiss. She couldn't understand. She felt her heart thumping against her chest, she felt almost like panicking. She turned off the water and got out, she wiped the mirror and looked at herself. She was exhausted, not only did she feel exhausted, but she definitely looked the part. She had such tired eyes. Dark circles under them and big bags, her skin looked tired as well.

She needed rest, but she hasn’t been anywhere near resting as of late. She couldn’t find her big black t-shirt anywhere, she looked and looked and each time she saw that it wasn’t there she grew more and more irritated. She could feel herself heating up, she pulled a giant navy blue hoodie from the closet. She pulled it over her head and smelled the cologne. She looked at her bed, she could smell Chloe everywhere in her room. Chloe’s pink dress that she wore the other night was piled in the corner by her shoes, scenting the area.

Beca got her phone and sat on the bed. Her thumb was hovering over the call button on Sam’s contact. “Hello?” Sam’s voice was tired and groggy.

“Hey, Sammy,” she said trying to sound fine but she was swallowing down so many emotions with hard liquor.

“Beca?” his voice got a little louder, she could see his alarmed face in her head.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” he asked in the most clear and serious voice he could.

“I’m just…” she couldn’t say what she was feeling without feeling a giant lump in her throat. “I-I uh-just wanted to say thanks, again, for bringing my car but I’m gonna head to bed, um goodnight.” she said probably stopping him from putting on his boots and walking out the door.

“Oh okay... yeah no problem. Talk soon, night.” she sat on her bed with her knees tucked into the sweater. She sat in deep concentration, but the funny thing was she wasn’t concentrating on anything. She was so distracted by nothing, her eyes were completely vacant. She then began to cry, she pressed her face into a pillow and let the monsoon of tears completely soak it.

She pressed her eyes so hard, she looked up and saw spots. She couldn't calm herself. She laid down and cried, she stared blankly at the wall. She heard Chloe come in and everything stopped and she went silent. She felt her get on the bed next to her and a hand stroked her shoulder.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She felt her there trying to be of some sort of help, but she couldn't find a way to tell her. Not right now.

“No, I uh-I have work tomorrow so I should probably get some sleep.” she didn't bother looking at her, if she did Chloe would see her tear soaked face and she would never leave. She needed to figure out what she was going to do.

“Oh, okay. Do you want me to stay?” she wanted her to, but she just couldn't. She needed to be alone.

“No, uh-you should go.” she could practically hear Chloe's heart snap in half.

“Okay. Just let me know if you need anything, okay?” she withdrew her hand and got off the bed. Beca heard her front door close and she turned her face into the pillow. _Why am I the way that I am?_

 

* * *

 

She figured she would go to work, and tell Kelly that the kiss was inappropriate. But it wasn't that easy. This wasn't even about _Kelly_ anymore, this was about _Beca_. She liked the kiss, it felt different from when she used to kiss Jesse. She could enjoy it thoroughly, which she did. That was the problem, she _liked_ it. But how _, on fucking earth,_ could she know that Chloe was gay, but not be able to figure out if _she_ was gay? Is she gay? It would only make so much sense.

Only it didn't, because she still dated Jesse, so that couldn't be, right? But then again, she broke up with him _after_ kissing a woman. She really just thought they weren't compatible enough to date, she just thought he wasn't the right guy, but she never could think that it was _because_ he was a guy. She was never guy-crazy like the Bella's were, or the girls in high school. She only had three other boyfriends, none of them she actually wanted to date. They were cool to hang out with but not to actually be with romantically. They were all basically glorified best friends. They played Mortal Kombat and football together, they went to concerts of bands no one knew about, and to gas station for snacks before going camping, and even called each other 'dude'. This was all best friend type stuff and _sometimes_  on a day she felt like it, they kissed. Nothing serious, at all.

Jesse was her first serious boyfriend, all the other ones abandoned ship because she didn't put out, or something was ‘off’, or they _actually_ fell in love with someone. He was her first time, he was the first at a lot of things, so it would only make sense that she enjoyed it, because it was the first time for so many things. But then he was also the first to make her cry and really think something was wrong with her.

There was something wrong, not with _her_  or with _him_ , but with the relationship in general. She got up and she grabbed the tequila from the cabinet and she drown herself in it. She _couldn't_ be gay, that was impossible. She just couldn't be, yeah she could say that a girl is gorgeous or maybe even feel flirty on occasion, but she was just recognizing their attractiveness and a lot of girls were flirty right? She was just being a girl. She couldn't be gay. That's just not how it goes.

* * *

 


	17. Come Out to Yourself

* * *

 

No pants, no water or aspirin, hanging off the edge. This was not a good way to wake up. Beca was laying there for fifteen minutes before actually getting up off the bed. She winced at the bright sun coming through the windows. She stubbed her toe on the doorway of her bedroom and banged her shoulder, she fell back into the door, the bang made her head feel like a watermelon in a microwave. She fell down immediately in front of the toilet and hollowed her stomach. She layed on the floor of the bathroom, she felt the bath mat under the side of her face and under her arm. She blinked slowly and fell completely asleep again.

She heard ringing coming from the other room, feeling less sensitive to her environment, she slowly got up and walked back to the living room. She answered the phone. “Speak.” she said annoyed and extremely grumpy.

“You coming into work, Mitchell?” the sound of the voice made her pull the phone away from her ear a little. _Shit._

“Yep.” she hung up. _So that’s how today’s gonna go._ She thought to herself walking back to her bathroom to brush her teeth. She picked up some crumpled up jeans from the floor and slid them up her thighs. She forced her foot into her converse, not thinking twice about untying them before trying to force her foot through. She threw her bag over her shoulder and put her sunglasses on and walked out the door, ignoring the pills on the counter.

She made it all the way to the parking lot, she stood in front of her car looking through her bag for her keys. “Mother-” she found them at the way bottom of her junk pocket. She got into her car, putting her seatbelt on. She couldn’t figure out exactly what she was feeling but she knew enough to know that it wasn't the booze. Beca stopped at the gas station and bought two vitamin waters and a pack of  mini powdered doughnuts.

 

* * *

 

She walked in, hair in a messy bun and shoving receipts in her pockets. “Mitchell.” said Nancy from behind the desk, she held out a mug of coffee as she walked past.

“You're a peach.” Beca said taking the cup from her hands. She had so many things in her hands, she walked in her office looking down at the waters and folder in one hand while trying to get her bag back up her shoulder with a cup of coffee in the other. She put her foot behind the door to close it and turned around to see Kelly.

“Hi, Beca.” Kelly said trying to ignore Beca’s too-casual business attire.

“Oh hey! I wasn't expecting you till twelve!” She glanced at the clock that hung on the wall. “And it is twelve, twelve-thirty actually. Wow I'm sorry to keep you waiting.” She said getting her things in order. _Oh God, does she remember the kiss? Please let the answer be no, for the love of God, please._

“Oh, it's totally cool,” she tried her very best not to analyze her “Not to be nosey or anything but, are you okay?” She said so shyly trying not to give away the building questions in her head.

“Well,” Beca started out “It was a really rough night, _and morning_ , but you know you just gotta get up I guess.” Beca said sitting in the chair across from her, she put her sunglasses on the desk. “You? How about you, kid?”

“I'm good, I'm good, thanks.” Beca downed one vitamin water and was working on the other, she ate a doughnut from the package. Kelly watched Beca cure her obvious hangover. There was a small gap in conversation. She offered her a mini doughnut, in which Kelly declined, she could tell that she wanted to know but right now was not a good time to ask Beca about anything. They worked on a song for about two hours. “I’ll see you…” she waited for Beca to name a day.

“Monday.” Beca said piling all their notes and papers together in a folder. “Monday’s, Wednesday’s, and Friday’s.” She bent over to put it in the filing cabinet under the desk. “And then if you need anything extra, I’m usually here but take my email and just let me know.” Kelly’s face froze in the friendly smile that was permanently displayed on her face. Beca was using her friendly business voice. She couldn't be so friendly, because now she _knows_ that she remembered. _Shit._

“Yes,” Kelly said still trying to keep calm even though she was dying to ask her literally anything about why she hadn't been at work the day before, if she remembered the night at the club, this girl desperately wanted to know. “Yes, I will definitely let you know.” she took a few slow steps towards, her and bravely went in for a kiss. Beca was caught completely off guard, she stumbled back into the desk.

“Dude-dude, we really can't, this is inappropriate and I work with you. I'm sorry, but I'm only interested in a ‘business only’ type thing.” Kelly was so embarrassed. She quickly took a step back.

“You're right, you're right I shouldn't have assumed, it-uh it won't happen again. I just thought that uh-”

“No I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just let you think-”

“No, I was just-I just didn't know how I was going to clean up the mess, so I just thought 'why not’ and… yeah.”

“Yeah, I uh- actually. Um, you know what? Let just forget it.” Beca laughed awkwardly, not knowing what was next, what she was _supposed_ to say to this poor girl.

“Yeah, okay. Um, bye!” Beca still saw the extreme embarrassment as she turned and quickly ushered herself out of the room. That hadn't been right, she should've never kissed her back, she just embarrassed that girl and herself. Embarrassment was definitely the mood of the day.

 

* * *

 

Beca let out a heavy sigh, she was on her way home when she saw the street that lead in the direction of Sam’s body shop. She merged lanes and rolled up to first parking space in front of the door. She honked twice before she got out. “Sam!” she yelled as she grew closer to the garage. He came out, surprisingly clean. No grease on his hands or clothes.

“Hey, I was just about to take a lunch.” he said putting his fist out to greet her. “Nice hoodie by the way.” He said referring to the hoodie that once was his. She spilled her Manhattan all down the front of her shirt one night at a company party, Sam saw and came through with his hoodie. It was probably the only ‘night in shining armor’ moment she's ever had, and he's gay.

“Thanks.” she said bumping their knuckles, remembering why this unusual new ‘fist bump only’ custom came into existence. She jiggled her keys at him. “Wanna drive?” she held her tongue in her teeth in a smile and waited for the reaction.

“Dude, yeah!” he got the keys and got in the drivers faster than she could say ‘vroom’. They drove to the nearest burger place and stood outside of the car as they ate. Beca sat on the trunk, looking down and picking at her cheese fries with her fork. “So what’s up?” the question sent a surprised look to her face.

“What uh-what do you mean?” she said barely looking up at him.

“Beca, not that I don’t love hanging with you,” he said chewing his cheeseburger. “But you called me really late last night, you let me drive, and now we’re having lunch, and you’re not eating your food, you’re always in the  mood for food.” all good and noticeable points were made. “So, what’s up?”

“Well,” she looked directly at him and put her cheese fries next to her.

“Is it the redhead?” her mouth opened a little.

“Why uh-why would you say that?” she asked him wondering why on earth he would even think of that. Well she could think of why, but why was  _he_?

“Well you stopped giving me hugs after she started hanging around, and you _know_ she doesn’t like me.” he wiped his mouth with a napkin and put the straw of his soda in his mouth.

“It _kind of_ is her,” she put her hands together on her lap “But it’s just like-” she took a breath “Just-” she stopped herself again. She rolled her shoulders back and sat up straight. “How did you know you were gay?” he coughed up his soda, Beca was too close to the splash zone than she would've liked.

He cleared his throat. “Well I always liked the _idea_ of having someone and being all cute and cuddly, but when I actually had a girlfriend,” he cleared his throat of the leftover food. “Man, I couldn’t wait for the moment she left,” he said it like it was the most relieving thing in the world. “Like I liked the idea of it, but dude that girl. She was such a nightmare! Like a constant freaking headache. And then I started thinking about the what if’s and as soon as I started thinking about it, I just completely shut that out of my head.” this was sounding very familiar to Beca.

She used to have a headache that would come and go. His name was Jesse, Robbie, Dylan, and Adam. “When I tried to shut that part out, I just pushed everyone away, I didn't want to say it. I just thought something was wrong, I didn't want to accept it.” Again sounding too familiar. “And then I met this guy one night and everything just completely flipped. I tried so hard to ignore it for so long, but fact of the matter was that I’m gay, I just had to accept it and come out of the closet to _myself_.”  that made perfect sense to her. Perfect sense, hit the nail right on the head.  “So what makes you think you’re gay?” he read her mind so easily, it was convenient but scary.

“Well, do you remember Jesse?” he nodded “We broke up because I kissed a girl while I was in New York-”

“What?” he said so shook by what she had just said. She completely forgot that she didn’t tell him, so this was definitely news to him.

“Yes, yes I kissed a girl, we’re all impressed.” she rolled her eyes “Anyway, I just realized that I can’t stand him. But I just thought it was me not liking him, but now that I think about it-”

“Wait we _are_ gonna talk about it right?”

“Yes! Yes! We will talk about it, just not now, so shut up. I’ve always had these weird feelings around Chloe-”

“The redhead right?” she was getting tired of being interrupted.

“Yes, the redhead.” she said in a flat voice getting back to the topic. “She makes me feel weird. This is going to sound really cheesy, but I get mad butterflies you know? And like-” she stopped, getting red and flustered “Ugh! She just messes with my shit!” he laughed a little. “I mean at Barden it was fine, because I had Jesse to distract me, and then we broke up, and Chloe was in Georgia so I completely forgot about the feeling the butterflies and then _Chloe_ showed up and messed with my shit man.” she laid back on the car against the rear window. “And then it was like two nights ago, I think, I went to Posh and I ended up kissing that girl I just started working with. I was enjoying myself but I closed my eyes and-”

“You kissed _Kelly_ ? You work with her! And that's two women in a row, how do you still _not_ know?” he yelled, she sat up and punched him three good times in the arm.

“Shut up and let me tell you my story!” she yelled punching him a few more times. “I closed my eyes and I kept seeing Chloe and I kept wanting Chloe. It was just-” she stopped again and sucked in more air “Ugh! You know?” she laid back down and put her hands on her face.

“You-”

“Don't! Say it.” she yelled sitting back up to face him. “I do _not_ have feelings for her.”

“Um, you said it, not me.” he put his hands up to defend his body in case she was going to hit him again.

“What?” she didn’t get what he was saying

“I was going to say ‘trouble’ but _you_ were the one who assumed, so what does that tell you?” he made a good point, it was a fair argument. Beca wasn’t feeling anything knowing that she wasn’t talking to Chloe, but when she was with Chloe she was so anxious because she couldn’t be calm around her knowing that she was confused about something Chloe was certain about. “Honestly the butterflies, and generally just wanting her? And thinking about her when you're with someone else? Dude I think it's pretty clear, you just gotta say it. Admit it to yourself.”

“I’m-” she took a deep breath in “I should take you back to work.” she drove him back to the body shop and went back to her studio and walked into the sound booth.

She paced back and forth across the room. She felt her pulse all over her body, her heartbeat sounded like an army drum. _Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom_. She sat on the floor. It was as if she and the floor of the room were bound together by cement. Her hands were balled up in fists, her nails broke the skin on her palms she could feel the little bit of blood leaving her skin. She was folded up in fetal position, she couldn’t think anything, all she was able to do with herself was panic.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one since It's mother's day.


	18. Dreams

* * *

 

Chloe laid there in bed thinking of getting up, but not really wanting to because she just was going to wait for Beca to come home anyway. Would she want to see her? Like at all? The phone started ringing and Aubrey’s face was suddenly on her screen _._ She moved the ‘decline call’ button across with her thumb. She set the phone back down by her thighs, and she thought. She didn't know how to talk to either of them at the moment. The phone buzzed again and Aubrey’s face appeared, she felt like she _knew_ she wasn’t busy. She ignored the call again and got up. She looked over the paperwork from the pilates class and looked over it.

Her day was very mundane. She had nothing to do really, she didn't know if it would be okay to go to Beca's or if she should do anything, really. Finally she heard Beca come home. She waited and waited till she thought it was okay to go inside. She walked in and went up to her room. She was going to knock but she just turned the knob “I hope you're not naked.” She warned coming in. She saw Beca asleep on the far side of the bed. She sat on the couch and waited. She thought and thought and thought, for a long time and then she found herself nodding off on the couch, and finally she fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

“Fucking- Jesus, Chloe!” She quickly jumped at the sound of her name, seeing Beca heavily breathing in the doorway. “What the hell, dude? What's-why?” She was still catching her breath.

“I came in earlier I was gonna see if you wanted to do something, but then you were asleep and then I fell asleep.” She rubbed her eyes and yawned loudly.

“It's-it’s fine, but maybe wake me up next time.” Beca stretched out and yawned as she pulled her hair into a ponytail.

“Wake _you_ up? Are you insane? I'd rather live.” Chloe laughed.

 

* * *

 

**“Just wake her up!” Stacie whisper yelled.**

**“Do it already, I want to go to lunch!” Fat Amy joined in on the grumbling.**

**“No, no, you should** **_not_ ** **. She's sleeping, let her sleep.” she cracked the door a little and looked in. Beca was exhausted, the ICCA’s were coming up soon and she was buried in set lists, and practice, and she** **_just_ ** **finished all her finals on top of that. Beca's brain was fried. “She's tired, I'll stay behind with her, we'll catch up.” Chloe argued, they were all standing outside of Beca's doorway, trying to come to an agreement, they looked through the door, watching her shoulders come up and down. “Come on guys, she looks too peaceful. Just-just let her sleep.”**

**“Alright, no. You're too whipped, move it.” Stacie moved past Chloe inside Beca's room and Fat Amy followed.**

**“No! No! Don't do-”**

**“Wake up, Becs!” Stacie shook her once and just as soon as she did Beca's fist went up to Stacie chest and hit her one good time. “My tit!”**

**“Damn, Beca! Calm down, we're all hungry! Now get up.” Fat Amy yelled, as she helped Stacie off the floor. She was still massaging her chest where Beca hit her.**

**“I told you guys not to.” Chloe grinned smugly and walked over and sat next to Beca. She was still half asleep, with a frown. Her hair was everywhere and the blanket was tucked under her chin with her fists.**

**“Okay, lesson learned. Meet us there, we're gonna be waiting under 'Conrad’.” They left the room and Chloe made sure Beca fell back to sleep and she watched the way her frown disappeared. She'll let her wake up on her own terms, she wasn't about to repeat what just happened.**

* * *

 

 

****

 

“I'd rather say 'It's the tits.’ not 'Ow! My tit!’.” Chloe teased. Beca laughed and felt quite pleased with the reputation she's acquired for sleeping.

“Smart woman.” She said walking over to the kitchen. She put the pill bottles on the counter in the nearest drawer before Chloe could see.

“How was work?” she could tell by the way the fluidity of her movements slowed, Beca was hoping she wouldn't ask.

“Fine.” Beca made herself a sandwich and grabbed a beer out of the fridge.

 

****

 

“Just fine?” Chloe asked her sitting at the table. _Give her some time._

“Yeah, yeah. J-just fine, why do you ask?” Beca said already sounding off. _Something happened today, didn't it?_

“Just asking.” Chloe made a mental note of her weird behavior, as she let go of the question she intended to ask. “You wanna take that sammich and finish it at my place?” Chloe asked standing from the chair and walked across to the counter, she set her hand down the counter and watched Beca's face change to cover up whatever she was thinking.

“Um, DUh.” Beca said in her best Chloe voice.

“Are you mocking me, Mitchell?” She said playfully narrowing her eyes. It was cute how she got her impression just right. She was slowly becoming part of Chloe, everything Beca said or did she found herself saying and doing. She found it amusing when Beca did the same.

 

****

 

“Oh, yeah. Definitely, now let's go.” They walked in and the smell of Chloe hit her nose hard and she thought about the dream she had earlier. _'Kiss me, Beca’_. Her face turned pink within seconds and she started choking on her food.

“You okay there?” Chloe asked seeing Beca's, now red, face. She knew she was embarrassed, but she couldn't think of what she could possibly be embarrassed about, she just walked into her apartment. Beca's tomato face always seemed to bring up a smile to Chloe's face, Beca squirmed at her staring.

“What? Yeah! Psshhh I'm fine!” Beca chomped away at her food carefully this time. “So what's you wanna do?”

“Okay, so I know you hate movies, but this one-”

“Ughhhhh! A movie? Really?” Beca threw her head back on a the couch and banged her head. “Ow!” Chloe quickly went over and looked into Beca's face.

 

****

 

“Are you okay?” she knew she would be fine, but she just wanted an excuse to look at her longer. Study her without her knowing she was studying her.

“Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just put the movie on will you.” Beca said sourly, feeling her shy away from eye contact. Chloe grinned and her lip caught between her teeth at Beca's clumsiness.

“'Kay.” she put in the movie and took a seat next to her. “It's a horror movie.” She said trying to make it sound appealing and endurable.

“Whatever.” Beca said lifting her head to look at the screen, Chloe cuddled up next to her getting comfortable like she always did. She was ready with her horror movie routine, she wanted to need her, even if she was just faking it, she just wanted her.

The psychopathic killer from the movie jumped out from the shadows and as that happened, Chloe jumped at the noise and surprise, as planned, and buried her face in Beca and turned her whole body into her. “Is it over?” Chloe was secretly smiling into Beca's chest.

“Yeah, it's over.” She came back up to Beca's face and saw such a coy smile.

“What?” Chloe asked feeling the pink swim up to the surface of her cheeks.

“Nothing.” She looked back to the movie with the same smile on her face. Chloe felt suddenly winded, she looked up at Beca, who was still smiling, her eyes danced along her jawline and her neck and then down to her hands.

She looked back, after a while, to see Beca sleeping. _Of course._ She sat up and covered them both with a blanket. Beca's head felt onto her shoulder, and from her shoulder it went to her lap. Chloe gently, and carefully, put a hand on her side and left it there trying not to wake her.

This was the stuff of dreams. It really couldn't get any better than the feeling this brought her, that Beca was comfortable enough with her to just fall asleep in her lap. They'd always been so comfortable with each other. Beca she knew was comfortable, because around the Bella's and _with_ the Bella's, touching was a big no. But with Chloe _alone_ , sometimes she was a little cuddle monster. She would cuddle and cuddle, other times not so much, but she _would_ cuddle her and give her hand a light squeeze every once in a while. It was a special type of thing.

 

* * *

 

Chloe fell asleep but she woke soon after she felt Beca move. She looked down to see her face and the way her eyebrows were slightly raised and the corners of her mouth were slightly drawn up. “Mmm.” Chloe chuckled softly at the small sound. She always thought it was so amazing to watch her sleep. She wasn't trying to figure anything out, she wasn't worried, she was just dreaming. Being in her own little world, just simply being. “Chloe-” the blood drained from her face as she heard her name.

She looked again and saw her head slightly tilt and her eyebrows raise a little higher. “Mmm.” she let it go, thinking maybe her ears were just making a mistake. “Chlo-” _She did it again!_ She was now leaning over her face, as if she would be able to hear any clearly. There was a fuzzy feeling in her head now, she was _dreaming_ about her. She didn't know what it was about, but it didn't _sound_ bad.

A broad grin spread quickly across her face, she chuckled quietly and brought her fingers up to her cheek hovering there for just a moment. She very softly brushed her cheekbone, moving the rogue hair away from her face. “Mmm.” Chloe watched the corner of her lips twitch up for just a second. She laughed just a little bit and then Beca's eyes were wide open. She was now on the floor, she had rolled off startled and embarrassed. “Dude!” Beca huffed as she got onto her hands and knees.

“Yeah?” Chloe couldn't stop smiling at her reaction, you really couldn't put a price on them. Should she bring up her dream? Would that be a bad idea?

“Were you seriously watching me sleep?” She held her head in her hands, she was definitely thinking something. The way her eyes were squeezed shut and her fingers were in her hair, it all pointed to her thinking face.

“What? No, I wasn't…” she rolled her eyes and laughed at her. “Would it uh-be totally weird if I said I was?”

“Um, yeah kind of.” Beca was cranky. She usually was after waking up so abruptly.

“Well then, no. I wasn't.” she said proudly, knowing Beca knew the truth.

“Yeah. Uh-huh, sure.”

“What were you dreaming about?” She smiled at her, pretending to be genuinely curious, but really she had a good idea that it was about her. Her face went red again, and she could see the awkward and ashamed energy in her eyes.

 

****

 

“Uh-no-nothing in particular, I mean, wow it's pretty late we-uh I should get to bed.” She got up and Chloe followed, “You're coming with?”

“Yeah, is that okay?” She hadn't stopped to really think about it. Was it okay for her to be over?

“Y-yeah, of course.” She was still red and she obviously woke up the stress in her. _Great._

“Awes.”

 

****

 

When they got in she just sat on the bed and watched Beca get ready for bed. She shyly slipped out of her jeans and fixed her ponytail. She tried not to look at Chloe as she got into bed.

“So, um,” she looked at Chloe, then away, then back at Chloe. “Uh-good night.” She laid down, facing away from Chloe and turned off the lamp in the corner.

“Nights, Becs.” She curled up next to her with her arm wrapped tightly around her.

 

****

 

 _'I have feelings for you…’_ Beca frowned, seeing the dream in her head playing out and watching Chloe's facial expression. It looked shocked and simply kind, but only because she obviously didn't feel the same. _'Beca… I'm sorry but I don't.’_

* * *

 


	19. I'm a Big Girl

* * *

 

The rejection hit her so hard, the lack of breath forced her awake with a quick shake of her shoulder. “Beca, wake up.” She sat up and felt the sudden shock of seeing the sun out and Chloe sitting beside her. “Good morning.” Beca moved the hair out of her face, away from her sweaty forehead. Had it always been so hot?

“M- morning.” She gulped and sat up in the bed. _Oh God, that was awful. That's what happens when people get in your head, they mess with reality. You're just having a… thing. It doesn't mean you have feelings, it doesn't mean you're gay, it doesn't mean anything. You just need a break._

“The alarm went off a couple of times, you didn't hear it?”

“N-no, um I uh-I have to go. I uh-I have a-um something to-uh yeah.” She scrambled into the bathroom to clean herself up a little. She looked like death. Her breath smelled like it too. “Ew.” She muttered squeezing the toothpaste on to the bristles.

“I thought you didn't have work today?” Chloe leaned in the door frame, and made eye contact through the mirror.

“I-uh, I don't.” She said brushing rapidly, trying to hurry so she could leave.

“Mind if I come?” _those damn eyes, look away!_

“Um, actually I was gonna go do a thing by myself.” She looked down at the toothpaste water going in the sink and disappearing with the clean water.

“A thing?”

“Yeah, um you could uh-wait here if you want.” she sheepishly looked at her then quickly back to the sink.

“Only if you don't mind.” Chloe smirked at her knowing she changed her mind entirely. She got ready in silence, until Beca started getting dressed. Like _work_ dressed, except a little more casual. “So where are you gonna go?” Beca looked over her shoulder. She lifted her head to look at her and batted her eyes a little.

“I just-” she caught her voice before it went any higher. “I just have a thing, okay? I'll be back, make yourself at hom-” she looked around and every just screamed 'Chloe’, her clothes were all throughout the room from the past week, her toothbrush sat on the sink next to hers, and some of her books were sitting on the bedside table. “Or maybe you already have… I don't know, move in of you want to! Just- I'll be back.” She walked over and grabbed her phone from beside the lamp. Chloe then suddenly caught her by the bend of her elbow and pulled her back. She trapped her in a full, tight hug and didn't let go till she returned the favor.

“Be safe, call me when you get to your _'thing’._ ” She teased and let go just a little and then came to find that Beca was the main one making this hug last. She had this smell, not a bad smell, it was a Chloe smell. It was wonderful. If elegance and coconut scented perfume had a love child, Chloe's skin was the product.

“I uh-I will-will call you uh-I love your face, um bye.” She let go and could see Chloe choking back a proud and satisfied smile.

 

* * *

 

She was on her way to Radio Shack and her phone began to ring. She picked it up to her ear and answered it. “Beca Mitchell.”

“Hey! Becaw! What's up?” She cringed at his constant and unwavering enthusiasm.

“You’re still in town?” Her fingertips turned white as she pressed hard on the plastic of her phone case.

“Yeah! Yeah I am, I'm here for another week or so.” _great._

“Oh, that's… cool, I guess.”

“Yeah! I know right, so I was wondering, are you up to anything today? Was thinking we could go to lunch and catch up like ol’ times.”

“Um… sure.” Her fake sweet voice make the spit in her throat felt sticky. _Ew, must you do your Bella voice?_

“Let's uh-” he stopped for a second to think. “Where's good here? I can pick you up if you want?”

“Um, no, no. I'll meet you, Ruth's Diner good?”

“Yeah, that's like down the street from me, um like-okay cool. See you soon!”

“Yeah, bye.” She hung up and kept driving. _Why_ _did you agree to this?_

She felt a twist in her stomach as she arrived at the diner and walked in and immediately spotted his dark curls and plaid shirt. “Hey, Jess.” He turned immediately, there was this sort of Disney prince smile on his face.

“Becaw!” She was suddenly wrapped up in a tight hug, her tiny feet dangling above the ground.

“Dude! Dude! Dude, no!” She felt her stomach muscles clench and her face was hot with annoyance.

“Hey, hey, cool it, Beca.” He put her down. She took a look at his dimples and his pearly whites and the way all the little brown curls sat neatly upon his tan melon. _Ugh._ For the first twenty minutes he blabbed and blabbed about hearing her name on TV and the radio, and how she some sort of 'celebrity’.

“Y-yeah it’s great!” _lies._ “Yeah…” her voice trailed off and he stared at her, caught in a slightly open-mouthed smile.

“So this girlfriend, huh?” he cocked his eyebrow and smirked at her and all of the sudden she was a meat suit filled to the brim with ants.

“It uh-it was late, and y-you kn-know I don’t d-deal with d-drunk phone calls well.”

“Yeah, yeah I get it. It was a douche thing to do.” he shrugged and her tensed shoulders relaxed. _God, why are you here? What are you trying to prove?_

“Yeah, but uh-it was nice to catch up, I should get going.” she started to get up and smooth the crumbs of her toast off her pants.

“Wait, we uh-should do something. You know, since I’m here for a while.”

“Oh?” _no, say no!_ “What did you uh-have in mind?”

“Well there’s this gala type thing for the studios I work for, they’re uh-gonna do a screening of a short film I helped with, if uh-you wanna do that…”   _don’t go._

“Um, when uh-when is it?”

“Tonight, actually, I mean I totally get if you say no, it uh-it is short notice and-”

“Oh, no I can make it. It’s not a big deal, I can make it.” _imbecile, you’re an imbecile. I quit._

“Cool! Cool!” he had this childlike excitement in his eyes and his smile might as well have been reflecting the sun. “So, should I pick you up or…?”

“Um, sure… sure.” _what are you doing?_

“Cool, cool. I’ll uh-see you later then.” he got up and gave her a tight squeeze. She drove away from the diner, she saw him throw his fist into the air in the rear view mirror. _Ugh, what are you possibly getting out of this?_

 

* * *

 

She went to Radio Shack for an hour and got nothing done, and passed by her street three times, topped off at the gas station, and passed by the apartment _two more_ times before actually pulling up to her complex. She walked in and was literally tackled to the ground. “You’re back!” Chloe sat on top of her, the way she was smiling at her set the pins and needles off in her hands. She is just so… beautiful. Beca could swear she never believed in angels, but looking at Chloe proves her wrong.

Two hours had gone by since she’d gotten back to the apartment, Chloe made them a few sandwiches. She’d always been so domestic like that. Her hospitality skills were on point and that wasn’t even her home. Well home… home was wherever Chloe was. Beca shook her head and cleared her throat one time. “So, hey Chlo, I'm going out later um,”

“Oh, where to?” She was mixing some cake batter in a big green bowl and she turned to face her. She had some flour on her cheek by the corner of her eye, bringing out the blue in her eyes. She couldn't get the words out and then Chloe wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and spread more flour across bringing out the fire in her hair. Her mouth was watering as her eyes panned down to see her luscious pink lips.

“To a fancy uh-gala thingy.” She cleared her throat and stared really hard at her forehead. She needed to focus if this was going to actually be a conversation and not a bundle of mashed words.

“Really? What for?” Beca couldn't, she just couldn't. Her mouth just couldn't come up with anything.

“A-a film thing.” She said it a little too loud for Chloe not to laugh at her. Her face turned pink and she looked away for a second.

“That sounds fun and all, but I thought you didn't like movies?” She narrowed her eyes and continued to mix the batter menacingly.

“I-I don't, but it's for uh-the person I'm going with…” she hushed her voice and her eyes focused down in the counter.

“Who's your date?” _uh oh._ She could feel the mood shift from 'good’ to 'slightly going downhill’.

“Um, it's not a date.” Chloe raised her eyebrows, she knew that she would call it a date. “But I'm uh-going with… Jesse.” She mumbled fast and low and avoided her stare.

“I'm sorry, I didn't hear you right, what did you say?” She was standing right in front of her now. Her eyes were sharp, she knew she heard her right, she was just hoping for the sake of not murdering him or her, she'd say someone else's name or _no one’s_ name. It wasn’t a date.

“Um… Jesse…” she twisted her lip and waited for it.

“Wait, wait, wait. You're _going out_ with _him?”_ Chloe was pacing the kitchen putting things away and getting things out. “I thought you guys were, like, _over?”_  
“He's still in town, and we met up for lunch-”

“So _that's_ where you ran off to?”

“No! He called me and I was around and-”

“And now you're going on _a date_ with him.”

“It's not a date!” She threw her hands up and paced with her.

“Oh, really?” she yelled at her, she could hear the anger in her voice. _Now look at what you've done._

“Yes! Yes, really! Why do you care? Why are you mad about this?”

“Because!”

“That's not a real reason, Chloe!”

“Because! He's just-ahhh! He's an asshole!”

“So?” She knew she was right, but why was she so against this _one_ night?

“So? Oh my God! _'So’_!” She slammed the bowl onto the counter and started pouring into a cake pan.

“I didn't ask for your opinion, Chloe!” _stupid, stupid, stupid!_ “I just said I was going out, you don't have to like who, but I was just letting you know!”

“You didn't have to, it's fine! Whatever, go ahead! You're not even _falling_ off the same cliff twice, no, you're literally _jumping.”_ she glared at her for a moment and threw the bowl back onto the counter. “But it's fine you don't need my opinion.” She put the pan in the oven and sat at the table and turned on her phone. She was obviously done with the conversation.

“Wow, okay.” she walked off and slammed the door. _She's right, you know. You don't even like him! Why are you going? You and I know both know very well that you'd rather be here. With Chloe._

 

* * *

 

She combed her hair back into a low bun and looked in the mirror. She left two curled strands down the sides and put in her favorite diamond stud earrings. She had take out of of her 'ear monstrosities’ for the occasion. She smoothed her hands over her black dress and reached for the back. “Damn it, fucking-ugh!” She tried and tried to get the zipper up but she couldn't. She let out multiple grunts and whines, she leaned her forehead against the wall next to the bathroom doorway. “Fuck.” She felt defeated. _All this for a fucking weird not-date, you don't want to go on. Yeah that makes sense, are you proud now, Mitchell?_  She jumped when she felt fingers trace her back and tugging on the dress.

“Relax, relax. Let me do it.” Chloe pulled the zipper up in one smooth motion. “There you go.” Beca said nothing and walked back into the bathroom. She sprayed her perfume on her wrists and rubbed it together and on her neck. “Beca?” She didn't answer, she took a tube of lipstick and brushed it across her lips. She didn't want to get suckered out of it. She was going to do it, even if there was no point and she was completely dreading it and didn't want to go. She could feel her hesitation. “Look, I'm sorry… I just don't understand why-”

“Chloe, I didn't ask you to understand, but you just gotta be okay with this.” She didn't look at her she just brushed highlighter on the bridge of her nose and cheekbones.

“It’s just kind of hard.”

“Well, that sucks doesn't it.” She pursed her lips and fixed the bracelet on her wrist. She was being unreasonably bitter about something that didn’t matter. But this was her choice, right? She wanted to do this. Right?

“I can try. If that's what you want, I'll just have to do it right?” She said it like it was no big deal, but she knew that she was obviously not for this. Beca knew she was only looking out for her. She could understand that, but she was going to do this.

“Look, I don't _need_ you to do anything. I know you mean well, but just be my friend, I'm a big girl. I can handle this, okay? And this is just a work thing he has, nothing special.” she put her hand on her shoulder and her moved her hand up and down. _Does she always have to be so graceful? Do you see what you're going to leave here? For a stupid stupid film thing! Idiot, you’re an idiot._

“Yeah, okay.” Chloe gave her a small smile and pulled her into a hug. “I love you.” Beca's breath caught and her skin was instantly too hot for her own good. _You have to stay._ The butterflies were literally everywhere. _Everywhere_ , they wouldn't stop, she could feel her stomach trembling and all the hairs on the back of her neck stood up.

“I-I uh-lo-love you too.” When she let go she looked at her. She was so beautiful, her skin was radiant and her eyes caught the light in a way that made them glow brighter. “How do I look?”

“A-mazing! You… you look amazing.” She swept her eyes over her and Beca felt like an insect under a magnifying glass. “Ready for your date?” She rolled her eyes irritated and she threw her hands up.

“Dude! It's _not_ a date!” Chloe laughed at her as a hair moved from the bun to the center of her face. Chloe moved her hand up to move it, she felt the skin of her finger move over her forehead.

“Fine-” there was a knock on the door and Chloe's face clouded over. “That's uh-that's him.” she greeted him and Beca walked down the hallway with her hands gripping her clutch, with his hand on the small of her back. _This isn't right and you know it._

 

****

 

 _Should I leave? Is she gonna come back with him?_ Chloe walked throughout the whole apartment, cleaning up as she went. She frosted the cake two hours ago, and she left it on the stove, but still felt like she didn’t do something. _You should go, she needs her privacy, right? Well she’s your best friend, so there’s no such thing as ‘privacy’ right? Well I mean there’s some sort of boundary, of course. Ugh! I can’t believe she still went out with him._ She couldn’t take it, she grabbed her things and walked into her own apartment.

There was a burning feeling in her chest and she could swear her bones were breaking. _How can she go out with him? He’s awful! He’s made her cry so many different times! He hurts her and she still there chasing him!_ She started to grow uncomfortable in her own home, she tried to clean but there wasn’t much of a mess to clean, since she hadn’t spent at least a full two days there. She started making cookie dough, she was stress baking again. She just wanted to know, why him? Why him? She didn’t understand.

She felt a breaking feeling in her chest and it wouldn’t go away. She ran out of baking materials and she drove to the small grocery store around the corner. She had been listening to Adele and she felt something in her just snap, she began crying and as she wept her foot fell heavier on the gas pedal. She rocked her head back and forth and leaned over onto the steering wheel. She was pushing sixty in a forty-five, her foot fell heavier, she couldn’t understand this feeling in her chest. It hurt, physically and emotionally. She didn’t understand.

This feeling only proceeded to come out of her tear ducts, she was hyperventilating and weeping loudly and inconsolably. She heard a siren coming from behind. She looked at her speed meter and it read sixty-five. She slowed and pulled over immediately. She turned down the radio and gathered her information and set it in her lap, while the tears continued to fall. She tried to calm herself, the heaving of her lungs stopped and she was able to cry silently and calmly with soft gentle tears instead. “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?” he looked her with an expressionless serious face as he spoke, paying no attention to the upset and tears all over her face. She looked at him for a while, just dumbstruck by the insensitivity. “Ma’am, license and registration please.” she handed him everything and when he left, she rested her head on the wheel, accidentally honking the horn. _Tonight just can’t get any worse , can it?_ He came back to the window and looked at her with the same seriousness, no sympathy whatsoever. “The speed limit is forty-five here, ma’am.” he handed her a ticket and he watched his car peel away from the side of the road from the side view mirror. _A ticket? Are you fucking serious, a ticket? Oh God, oh that’s just- ugh!_ She continued to the store and returned back to the apartment in silence. She came up and saw Jesse’s car in the parking space next to hers. _Ugh._ She completely ignored the light on in Beca’s apartment and continued to bake her cookies, she began to hear only what sounded like a fight.

 

* * *

 

She was trying to go about her business, trying not to pay attention to the fight and the gaping hole in her chest at the same time.

“You are _just_ as cold as I remember.”

“Oh, whoopdy-fucking-doo, Jesse! Do you want a gold star?”

“Why did you even come if you didn't want to? Because I sure as hell would like to know!”

“Because! Sorry I don't put out enough for you _Jesse!_ I guess that's all I'm good for these days, huh?”

“That's not what I'm-”

“Is that all you came for? Because if it is, you can leave.”

“You know what? Fine! I'm gonna go, because you're _clearly_ insane!”

“Oh, that's _so_ rich coming from you, Mr.I-call-my-ex-girlfriends-in-the-middle-of-the-night!” Chloe grinned, she knew it was wrong to listen to them fighting _again,_  like at Barden, but she couldn't help it. It made her laugh.

“At least I can handle someone touching me without having to take my medicine first!” _what did he just say to her?_ Chloe bolted up from her bed and stormed over to the door. No one was just going to say that to her. _Wait_. She stopped at the door and listened further.

“You weren't complaining about it when we did it in school! Oh, wait that's right you couldn't, because you just rolled over and fell asleep!” _oh shit. She's pissed._

“You cried the first time and all the other times!”

“ _A lot_ of girls would cry after having sex with you! You can't last longer than a stick of gum!” Chloe heard the door open and a loud shatter. She looked through the peephole and saw an broken vase of flowers everywhere in the hall.

“Oh, wow! Mature, aren't we?” She saw him picking up his phone and keys putting them in his pocket. “You know what, Beca? I'm not the one who's uncertain, you are. I'm not the one pretending to be someone I'm not. Grow up.”

“Oh, please. Fuck you dude!”

“You already did.” Chloe gasped and put her hand to her mouth. _This is not good._

“Ugh!” The door slammed and Chloe stood in her kitchen contemplating on going over or waiting just a little longer.

 _She needs you. Go._ She waited a good while, till she stopped hearing her cursing, then walked into her apartment and called for her.

“Beca?” she walked into her room and saw her laying at the edge of her bed in her big t-shirt. She crying so hard, she was shaking. “Beca?” Chloe sat on the bed beside her and held her as she shook. “It's okay, I got you.”

* * *

 


	20. She Loved

* * *

 

 _You're gay. That's just it, you're gay. This is who you are. There's not much you can do about that. You can't just go on a date with a dude and expect to just not be gay anymore, that's not how it works. You can't just say you're not and you can't just ignore all the signs like they're not there. This is you._ There was a ringing in her ears and there was a sharp pang in her head. She was surprised she could think about anything at all with all the pain she was in. _You have to start taking your meds again._ She couldn't keep up being off them. It'd been too long already, she needed to get back on them. _Tell Chloe._ She thought about it for literally a second and then she just blew it off. She wouldn't tell Chloe, not right now. She just needs to get herself in order first.

Beca opened her eyes and as soon as she did, her eyes burned like if she was blinded by a thousand suns. She whimpered and closed them shut immediately. The side of effects of going cold turkey on these meds include excessive sweating, hot flashes, upset stomach, vertigo, migraines, and the chills. _Real smart Beca._ She laid there, wherever 'there’ was, and started remembering the most random things.

 

* * *

 

**“Happy Valentine's day!” Beca opened her door and walked in with a plate of cupcakes. Chloe was sitting there on her bed crying and pretending to watch Grey's Anatomy. 'Pretending’ because that's what Chloe did so no one would be worried about her tears, she could blame it on the show. She always skipped it to a particularly sad and dramatic episode and have it play as a backup plan, so she could cry and if anyone came in, she had an excuse good and ready. It was smart, but too smart for her own good.**

**“Chloe, why are you crying?” She walked over and crawled into bed with her. She almost dropped the cupcakes, she didn't care. Chloe was crying. “Chlo, what's wrong?”**

**“N-nothing, I'm just watching Grey's.” She sniffled into the blanket and pulled her knees under her chin. Beca knew better than to believe that.**

**“Chloe.” She sat next to her and grabbed her hand. She brought it up to her chin and looked at her with big puppy dog eyes. She hoped to God that none of the Bella's would come in. Especially not Amy, calling them ‘Bhloe’ was one thing, but seeing that she was** **_actually_ ** **soft? They just didn't need to know that their strong and fearless leader was a giant teddy bear,** **_she_ ** **was supposed to be the bad cop. “Please tell me? Please? Pretty, pretty please?” Chloe looked at her, she could see her melting at the sight of her true sensitivity. She knew she wouldn't keep quiet after seeing her so exposed.**

**“I-It’s Valentine's day, and-and I'm a-alone!” She cried harder and Beca pulled her into her arms and held her there as she wailed.**

**“You're not alone, Chlo.” She squeezed tighter, adjusting her position on the bed. “You have me, if that counts for anything?” She looked down at her and saw her quivering lip and the tears stains on her cheeks.**

**“Yeah, I guess that does count.” she gave a small smile and she wiped her tears off her face. Her phone started ringing and she grabbed it and threw it into the small desk drawer next to the bed. They continued to watch Grey's, and Chloe fell asleep. She leaned over and kissed her cheek and her lips caught into a smile.**

**“Happy Valentine's day, Chlo.”**

* * *

 

 _This explains everything, you know that? Oh my God, this so explains why dad always tells us he watches Ellen! See, how can your dad accept it but you can't. This is just you, there's nothing to be afraid of._ She felt strangely at ease. She's gay. It wasn't a problem, it's not something she couldn't just ‘decide’. She's gay.

 

* * *

 

**“Unbelievable!” She stormed into the Bella house and slammed the door. Jesse walked in after her and slammed the door too. All the girls were staring as Beca poured herself a drink and yelled at Jesse who stood at the doorway of the kitchen.**

**“Hey, I'm still talking to you, Beca."**

**“Oh, you remembered my name, do you remember the waitresses?” Beca took a particularly long drink and took two strides over to the fridge.**

**“What are you even _talking_ about?” The girls were trying to watch a movie but seeing Beca yell so much was distracting, they've never ** **_seen_ ** **their fights, only ever hear them on occasion. Jesse noticed them watching their fight unravel. “Can you guys give us a minute?” He squeezed the bridge of his nose and hung his head. They all started to move and Beca swallowed her drink hard and fast.**

**“No! No, you guys can stay here! It's our house, isn't it? And this,” she gestured her finger back and forth between her and Jesse, referring to the fight. “You guys would've heard about this later anyway.” there was only the low noise of the movie and the rhythmic tapping of Jesse's foot.**

**“What are you bitching about?” He looked at her with such a annoyed scowl.**

**“Why don't you ask** **_Jen.”_ ** **she took another long drink. “I mean you can call her right now, her number is on your hand, isn't it?” She started walking up the stairs. She wasn't about to have him say that he had no idea what she was talking about, the proof was on his hand. She got to her and Chloe’s room and he chased after her. She opened it and interrupted Chloe’s random dancing.**

**“Beca, is everything okay?” Chloe dropped her brush microphone and walked over to her seeing the anger flashing in her eyes.**

**“No, Beca! What do you want from me?” Beca set her cup down on the dresser and turned around, he hovered outside the doorway not wanting to intrude. She watched his face, trying to find some remorse maybe but none. She found none. “You pull me one way and you pull me the other, you’re so indecisive!”**

**“Jesse!” no one replied to Chloe’s chiding, they continued to yell at each other.**

**“So, sue me!” she threw her hands up and turned around, she was getting ready to slam the door and he stepped further into the room standing in the way.**

**“It’s like we’re not even a couple anymore.” he was too close to her face for Chloe to be comfortable with.**

**“Guess that makes it true then doesn’t it.” Beca slammed the door and threw her back on it and leaned huffing and puffing and cursing under her breath.**

**“Beca, honey, come here.” Chloe held out her hands and Beca buried herself in her and wept. She wasn’t sad, not at all, but she was so angry. Beca couldn’t keep herself up, her knees started to give and Chloe slowly brought them to the floor and held Beca there. Soon after all the Bellas were in her room, Chloe held her hand and the rest of them gathered around trying to comfort her.**

**“I never liked him.” Jessica said. Or Ashley...?**

**“Yeah, he’s such a dick-lick. You can do better, Shawshank.” Amy nudged her and Stacie held her other hand.**

**“Yeah, girl, you’re a catch.” Stacie winked at her.**

**“You’re gonna be okay, Becs.” Beca put her head on her shoulder and Chloe held her face. “You’re too amazing to settle for less, Beca.”**

* * *

 

 

 _She’s always been there the whole time, hasn’t she? She’s been there for everything. She’s your best friend. Couldn’t do life without her. She’s right, you shouldn’t settle for less._ She really wouldn't know what to do without her. There was a type of fog that fell over her mind, it was warm and gave her a sense of not loving, but _being_ loved.

 

****

 

 _My poor, poor girl. She has so many things going on, why can’t she just share the load with me? I can help I know I can._ Chloe sat on the couch trying to watch TV, but she couldn’t stop thinking about her. She had spent the night in her bed next to her and most of the morning. It was about two o’clock when she decided it was time to get up and let her sleep.

Though the circumstances weren’t too great, she loved the idea of spending all day with her. She read and checked her social medias and even took a nap herself. But for a portion of the morning, she watched her rest. She needed it. She fiddled with the edge of the couch cushion. “Chloe?” Chloe rushed in her room, she quickly got around to Beca's side.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” She said softly as she sat on the edge of the bed. She put her hand on her forehead, Beca moved slightly trying not to look directly into the light. Chloe put her hand on her forehead and let out a hiss. “Becs, your burning up.” She went to the kitchen for a second and brought something back. “Here.” Chloe said, Beca turned over and looked but the light temporarily blinded her with a sharp pain behind her eyes and her temples. Beca closed her eyes shut and tears rolled down the sides of her face, she couldn't open her eyes without hurting. “Oh, poor thing.” She moved Beca's sweaty hair from her face and rested on her cheek, put a thermometer into her mouth. _How did she get so sick?_ She remembered how Beca being sick used to go.

 

* * *

 

**“Beca, honey, you need to let me take your temperature.” Chloe said against the bathroom door where Beca was hiding.**

**“No I’m-” she let out a nasty cough halfway through. “I’m fine.” Chloe shook her head.**

**“You have to let me help you. I need your cooperation here, Becs.” Beca was ignoring her, hoping she’d leave. Chloe walked away from the door and went to the nightstand, she got out two pins. Beca had thought she left until she heard the door knob wiggle.**

**“What are you-” she couldn’t get through her sentence. “Doing?” Chloe was kneeling down by the door, she was picking the lock with the two pins, with the thermometer in her mouth.**

**“** ** _You_ ** **-” she struggled with the pins a little. “Won’t come out. So** **_I’m_ ** **-” she twisted the pin up and pushed it to the side. The door was unlocked. “Coming in.” she said with an accomplished smile on her face as she got up and opened the door.**

**“You’re a freaking-” she scooted back towards the wall coughing up her lungs. “Psychopath.”**

**“Hush, hush.” she got down on the floor in front of Beca. She had her cornered. “Now, open wide.” she said holding out the thermometer in front of Becas mouth. Beca turned her head to the side in defiance.**

**“No. I’m-” she cleared her throat to keep from coughing up a storm. “I’m fine, Chloe.”**

**“Beca, I won’t ask again. Now open.” Chloe demanded. Beca stared at the tip of the thermometer and it seemed as though the muscles in her face clenched her mouth shut. Chloe took a deep breath in. “If you don’t let me do this, we won’t be ready for Lincoln Center and we need you.” Beca looked away and coughed even harder. “Please, Beca?” she looked at Chloe’s eyes and coughed some more.**

**“Fine.” Chloe opened her mouth but Beca interrupted. “But! I’m doing it myself.” she said in a weak and frail voice. She got the thermometer from her hand. She put it her mouth and glared at Chloe. Chloe couldn’t help but smirk at how she** **_always_ ** **got her way.**

**“Good girl.”**

* * *

 

Beca turned her face back into her pillow. She turned off the lights and closed the blinds. “Do want to try to open your eyes?” Chloe said too loud for Beca not to frown and pout, she let a few more tears out, she put her hands to her temples. “Oh shit, I'm sorry.” Chloe whisper yelled realizing that was too loud for her, she ran her hand over her thigh as she left the bed. Chloe went to the bathroom and opened the bottle of aspirin and put one in her hand. “Open up.” She put the pill against Beca’s lips and she surprisingly did as she said the first time, Chloe hadn’t had to ask her do anything more than once. She put the straw of the cup of water by her mouth and poked her with it. She sucked the cold water out of the straw until there barely anything in the cup. “You'll feel better in a bit.” She ran her hand over Beca's forehead and through her hair. Chloe stood outside of the door for a moment longer. There was a warm feeling, it felt like her heart was in her mouth. She loved it.

* * *

 


	21. Are you okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, kind of angsty.

* * *

 

Beca woke up, she felt sick to her stomach, she opened her eyes and saw nothing but the dark shadow of her bedroom. She rolled over and stepped off the bed as carefully as she could. She put her hand against the wall, guiding herself through the room. As her eyes adjusted she was able to make out shapes, she could see the corner of the loveseat at the foot of her bed and the knobs of the closet doors. She got to the doorway of the bathroom, and she knelt down in front of the toilet, her vomit was watery and sour.

She was basically puking stomach acid for the most part. She heard her door open, and saw Chloe’s legs coming towards her. The light came on and she grunted through the pain. “Oops! Sorry.” Chloe whispered. She continued to spit into the toilet and Chloe got down and stood on her knees next to her. She could feel her hands rubbing her shoulders and in her hair. Chloe’s fingers were just flowing through Beca’s hair as she vomited. Chloe’s hands began lightly tugging, strands that were hanging by her face were being brought to the back of her head. _What is she doing?_  

“What are you doing?” she looked back at Chloe, who was looking at the back of her head with little separated parts of hair in between her fingers.

“Braiding your hair.” she said as Beca turned back to the toilet. She said it so casually too, like it were a _normal_ thing to do.

“You’re so weird,” she put her forehead to her wrist and stayed there for a minute. “But, thanks.” she said slightly turning her head back to the girl styling her hair.

“No probs.” she finished her hair and she reached out her hand and helped Beca get up. “How are you feeling?” she asked Beca watching her rinse her mouth and hand. It took her a minute to register her clothes, she was wearing yoga pants and a fitted sports bra. She spit and rinsed.

“I’m not too shabby.” she turned to face Chloe, who smiled brightly at her. She walked out to the room, her face was still ghostly pale, with a slight tint of green having thrown up everything she had. Beca started shakily pulling clothes from the closet to wear.

“Beca, you should rest, I’ll be back soon.” Chloe grabbed the blouse and pants she had just set on the bed, and put it back into the closet. Beca looked at her and raised her eyebrows at Chloe, who raised her eyebrows back. Beca was going to argue but instead she found herself moving to sit on the bed, feeling extremely light headed. She crawled up the bed and set her face into the pillow. She heard Chloe moving around in the bathroom lightly humming and going up to her bedside. “I'll be back soon. Love you.” She whispered and kissed her temple.

“Hey, where are you going?” Beca's eyes tried to follow her out of the room.

“My first day of work.”

“Oh shit, congrats.” She lifted her head and quickly set it back down feeling how heavy she felt. Chloe giggled and little and went back to her side and sat on the edge of the bed.

“I'll be back at noon, okay?” She ran her hand from her head to her mid back. Beca hummed and her eyes began working against her and closing.

 

* * *

 

It couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes later, that her phone rang and she blindly grabbed for it and answered. “Mm?”

“Late again, Mitchell.”

“Mkay.” she hung and up and sat in bed trying to catch her breath. She felt like a tortoise walking through molasses as she got dressed. She called for an Uber and got down the parking lot earlier than needed so she wouldn't be charged as a 'no show’ for not being able to walk fast enough without having to take a break.

“Uber for Becky?” she didn't care to correct her name, she just lifted her head and nodded at him. She slowly walked to the car, she ignored the nauseousness and the streaks that followed everything that moved. He kept talking to her, asking her about her 'walk of shame’ and he pointed out that her shirt was buttoned incorrectly. “Are you okay though, dude? You don't look too good.” all of the sudden they were there. There wasn't really a good enough reason to tell the driver she's been off her meds. There was no use even if she wanted to say, he gets a good rating and she gets to go to work, and they go their separate ways. _Almost_ a win-win, but not quite.

“I’m good, thanks.” She woozily slurred and she nearly stumbled into work. She kept her sunglasses on and very slowly walked through to reception.

“You don't look too good, Mitchell.” Nancy said, staring at her and making eye contact longer than Nancy usually did. She gave a forced smile, that she was sure was just a hallucination. _Just tell her, like a best friend should, or I don't know a normal responsible and smart adult._ She paced at her desk for a minute with her head lolling back and forth, when she finally gave into the heaviness. She sank down in her chair, slouching and hunching over at first, she put her head down, and she was out cold.

 

* * *

 

**The door flew open and all she saw was a streak of red attacking her with hugs and kisses. “Dude! We talked about this, no assaulting me on own my birthday!” Beca whined rubbing the gunk out them.**

**“Not even a** **_birthday_ ** **cuddle?” Chloe flopped down next to her and wrapped her arms and legs around Beca's whole body. Chloe held her face against her chest, giggling as Beca tried to get away and sneak back into a deep sleep.**

**“No, goway.” She mumbled into her, trying to push off and squirm out anyway she could. Chloe only held to her tighter.**

**“Please? It's your birthday.” She pouted even though she knew she was going to do this against her wishes anyway.**

**“No.” Beca tried so hard, but she was tired and still half asleep, and Chloe? Well she was just awake. Anyone** **_completely_ ** **awake and conscious could get away with this.**

**“Please?” Beca managed to get her face away from her enough to squint hard enough to see her bright blue eyes. She couldn't, it was too early to fight with a beautiful woman about cuddles.**

**“Fine.” She put her face back into her chest and wrapped tighter.**

**“Yay!” Chloe shouted and squeezed. Beca groaned and she rolled her eyes. “Yay!” She whisper yelled into the air with the same enthusiasm, just slightly muted.**

**“Whatever.” Beca mumbled against her chest, trying not to drool or breath too heavy.**

**“Oh, hush.” She mumbled a reply into her and dozed off finally getting back to her rest. “Happy birthday, Beca."**

* * *

 

****

 

Chloe was finished with her first class, she couldn't wait to get home and tell Beca all about it. She was going to like this job. She walked into her apartment, it was a little after twelve. She set the drink tray on the coffee table and kicked the door shut. She opened the fridge and starting putting things inside. “Beca?” She called and heard nothing, she frowned as she put the new gallon of milk in and listened for her response. “Beca?” she looked in the room and it was empty. She saw her keys in the bowl and her phone charger there too. Strange that she'd leave her phone charger, she was _always_ on her phone. It was strange, yet very 'Beca’, and irresponsible but not something done often. “That girl.” she sighed figuring that she had gone to work anyway and got a ride from Sam or something. _Or what if she's with Jesse? OhmyGod, she's totally with Jesse isn't she?_ She felt the hole in her chest quickly reappear and she felt as though she spilled her guts on the floor.

She couldn't believe that she was with him again after what happened on Friday. _But, what if she's not with him? That couldn't be, she knows better_. That should’ve been her wake up call. She rolled her eyes and scowled as she walked through Beca's room, putting things back in order. _This girl is going to be the death of me. Honestly, I'm done._ She saw that it was ridiculous that she could ever even think of being 'done’ with Beca Mitchell. She could never. She was just furious with her decisions. She also found it ridiculous that she was in her apartment cleaning up after her. She always acted like such a wife.

She locked the door and walked into her apartment, it felt empty in there. But Beca left her leather jacket draped over the chair from the other night, she reached for it but her phone started vibrating inside her purse. She looked and sure enough it was Aubrey. She declined the call. She decided she was going to take a shower.

 

* * *

 

**“Look, Chlo,” she walked over and put more clothes into the suitcase. “I'm just saying, we're going to be fine. It's just your family. Nothing to be afraid of.” Chloe walked over and grabbed her clothes and put them back in the drawer.**

**“Nothing to be afraid of? Beca, this woman single handedly and willingly discredits everything I do and makes me feel about** **_this_ ** **small,” she made a tiny space between her thumb and index finger. “Without a gun to her head. Imagine what she'll do to** **_both_ ** **of us, in _one_ dinner.” Beca put her little stack of pants down beside the suitcase.**

**“And that's why we're only staying for an hour. This is why house hopping is a good thing.” She put her hands on Chloe's shoulders and saw the fear in her eyes. She pulled her into a tight hug and rested her chin on her shoulder. She pulled off and she made an R in sign language. “It stands for ‘Rescue’,” she looked at her pouty face and smiled. “Just signal me and then we'll go to the next one, 'kay?”**

**“Okay.” she smiled and made the same R with her hand and gave a toothy grin back. “I feel like a special agent or something.” she laughed and Beca had her back turned to her, zipping up her suitcase. She turned to her and smirked.**

**“Well, you’re uh-definitely special,” Chloe slapped her shoulder. “But you are something.”**

* * *

 

She smiled and shook her head as walked out of the shower. She looked at her phone and she had seven missed calls from Aubrey. _Oh my God…_ She clicked call, it _had_ to be an emergency, Aubrey would never call so much. She answered almost immediately. “Chloe, where have you been? I've been calling you!” She was yelling, her voice was so unsteady.

“Bree, calm down!”

“I'm sorry! I just I need you to meet me at the hospital, like now.” her heart sank at the word 'hospital’.

“Why? Bree, what's going on?”

“It's Beca, I'm on my way now.”

“Okay-” she hung up and Chloe was in shock. She didn't move for a whole minute. “Oh my God.” She didn't even bother drying off, she put on the first thing she could see and she was out the door. _Please be okay._

 

* * *

 

She sat in the car, in the parking garage. _Oh God, I don’t know if I can do this. Oh God, why didn’t I just stay home with her instead. I knew she was sick and I knew she’d do this, I should’ve stayed and stopped her._ She took a breath and walked into the entrance. She looked down at the text from Aubrey of the information about where Beca is. Before that text message were many more, telling her it was an emergency. _If I hadn’t been so childish and petty._ Her heart kept breaking and breaking the more she thought about it.

She got a new text from Aubrey as she entered the waiting room. “Chloe!” Aubrey yelled from across the room, getting her attention. Chloe quickly ran over, and tried to blink back the tears in her eyes. They stood awkwardly in front of each other, Aubrey with her stiff face and Chloe’s cheek in between her teeth trying not to freak out before she knew anything.

“Bree, what happened?” she couldn’t say her name, she didn’t like the thought of anything happening to her. She had to be okay, she _had_ to.

“She fainted at work, they’re checking for anything other than dehydration.” her voice was shaky and forced, she hear the fear in the trembling.

“What was she even doing at work?” Chloe wasn’t necessarily asking Aubrey, she wasn’t asking anyone in specific, just what was she thinking, going to work as sick as she was? She lifted her head to look up and the ceiling, she couldn’t freak out. Not right now. Aubrey’s hand was about to reach out for her when the doctor came out.

“Miss Posen?” she turned her attention completely, using her laser sharp focus, ready to hang onto every word he was about to say.

“Everything looks fine, no tumors or signs of any growing tumors-” Chloe stopped listening to the doctor. She was so relieved that her life wasn't in that type of danger. This whole situation could’ve been so much more worse. She could’ve have drove and fainted at the wheel, she could’ve been abducted by her Uber driver, there were just so many different horrible ways this could’ve happened.  She tuned back in and listened to his words, feeling a stronger sense of security. “Her vitals are normal, except for her blood pressure, and she took a little tumble, but there’s no sign of concussion. Does she take any medications by chance?”

“Yes, one for anxiety and the others are antidepressants.” she could feel the unease rising in Aubrey.

“Ah, has she been taking it, or stopped taking it?” Aubrey looked at Chloe. _Damn it, Beca._

“Chloe?” Aubrey brought her attention back to the question and away from her guilty thoughts.

“Um, I don’t know. The last time I saw her take them were four days ago, I’m sorry, but what does this have to do with this?”

“Well, that is just one thing that factors into her fainting. See, when you stop taking medications like antidepressants all together, without consulting with your doctor about weaning you off, there could be a lot of negative side effects like fainting or upset stomach-” Chloe nodded along, only half listening. She couldn’t stop thinking of Beca hunched over the toilet and seeing her shaky hand holding her toothbrush. “But, if possible, please get her to continue taking them and set up an appointment with her primary, and she is also _very_ dehydrated, she needs to replenish all her nutrients, so Gatorade or things with electrolytes to keep her hydrated. Do you have any questions?”

“No, thank you.” Aubrey took a deep breath in and nodded.

“Can we see her?” Chloe asked timidly, she wasn’t even sure if she was ready to see her in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor.

“Yes, actually she can go home today, since she’s only dehydrated.” he turned and they followed him to the room with her name written across the whiteboard. “But, if you do see any other side effects, other than what is listed on her after-visit summary, bring her back in to reevaluate.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

“No problem, you lady’s have a good rest of your day.” he walked away, Chloe put her hand out to the door handle and twisted it down. She walked in and gasped at the sight of Beca sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked up at her, the circles under her eyes looked darker in this lighting.

“Beca, honey,” she watched her tug at the IV and the patches on her chest.

“What’s-all the wires, why?” She looked at them with a confused look.

“Beca, sweetie, we’re gonna help you get dressed now, okay?” Chloe went up behind her and untied her hospital gown. She helped her into her hoodie and a pair of shorts from her car.

“Chloe, can you take her home so I can go pick some things from the drugstore?” 

“I’m not sure if I can-” she saw Aubrey's face and changed her mind. "I'll--I'll do it.” Chloe closed her mouth and nodded.

 

* * *

 

She waited outside the shower door, afraid that Beca would fall from the dizziness. She sat and listened to the shower water, and then it turned off. She spread the towel across herself and she quickly wrapped it around Beca in one swift movement. She gave Beca her sweatshirt and let her get dressed, still hovering just in case. She opened the door and saw Beca leaning over the bed, holding herself up with her arms. She quickly rushed over and put her hands to her sides. “Beca, are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” she said standing straight up, Chloe’s hands were still firmly at her sides as if she were going to fall over. Beca caught Chloe’s worried stare. “I’m okay, it’s okay. I’m not made of glass, Chlo.” Chloe chuckled knowing that she was being a little excessive, but she just saw her in a hospital bed in a hospital gown not too long ago. It was hard to forget that image after spending so much time thinking about her, now all she could think about was the way she looked so tired like an old woman's soul had manifested itself in her. She wasn't about to let her go. Beca got into bed and Chloe made her way for the door. “Chloe?” She turned around fast and looked at her curled up body on the bed and half her face in the pillow.

“Yeah?” Chloe went back to the bed and listened for her mumbled response.

“Stay with me?” She reached her hand across the where Chloe was. She held her hand there and moved her thumb across her skin before getting onto the bed. Beca wrapped herself up in Chloe and held her there, even though she felt weak her grip was strong like if she were going to disappear if she didn't hold tight enough. She pressed her face to her chest. She heard Aubrey come in and she peaked her head through the door and saw Beca sleeping on top of her. She nodded her head and walked out.

 

****

 

 _'Beca, I'm sorry but I don't…’_ Beca's eyes opened quickly, she found herself alone in her bed. _You have to let it go._ She pulled her knees up to her chin and cried. She couldn't possibly handle that rejection from Chloe, let alone even think of the idea of it. She just needed to stop. She just needed to stop. She got up, her spit was sticky and her lips were chapped. She walked into the living room and saw Aubrey laying on her couch asleep. She opened her eyes and sat up immediately standing to meet Beca at the doorway. She pulled her into a tight hug. “Oh!” She was shocked by the sudden movement, though it was endearing it was surprising.

“Sorry, sorry. I was just worried about you.” She looked at her with a small and shy smile, but then that smile turned into a stern face. “You really need to take better care of yourself, Beca!”

“I know, I know I'm sorry.” Beca meant it, it was always _so nice_ to see her, but she wasn't too happy about the circumstances.

“I was so worried about you.” She pulled her back into a hug and she felt her tears coming up and she let a tear fall into the crook of Aubrey's neck. “Beca, are you crying?”

“No…” she started just letting them out and buried her nose in her collar bone. “Yes…” Aubrey rubbed her back with her other hand and held her there for a second.

“Let's get you something to eat, yeah?”

 

* * *

 

She made her a peanut butter and jelly and gave her a Gatorade. She ate and Aubrey sat at the table with her keeping her company, updating her on her life, just catching up with her. “Here you go.” She dropped two pills on the table next to her plate with a glass of water. Beca’s eyebrows shot up and looked at her. “Beca, listen.” She stood right in front of her and took her hands. “You haven't been taking your medicine. Yesterday was the scariest phone call I've gotten in a long time, and my dad is the only thing I'm afraid of,” she chuckled in the middle of the statement, the light hearted joke easing the moment. “I just want you to be okay. So take them, please.” Beca felt the tears coming back and she took the pills not wanting to let her down. She pulled Aubrey toward her and cried into her stomach. Aubrey pet her head and slightly swayed.

“Thanks.” Beca nodded and she wiped her face. Aubrey was a safe person. No tripwires, no confusing traps. She was safe.

* * *

 


	22. Aubrey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from Aubrey's P.O.V.

* * *

 

Aubrey’s car cut through traffic all the way to the drugstore. It's funny, when you're the leader of a group or a team or you're just simply the boss, the one who gets things done, it'll stay that way. There was no one better than Aubrey, to hold it down and take charge. All the Bella's have always looked to her in any state of crisis, it was exhausting. As much as it was always an honor, it was exhausting. It wasn't the easiest job, but easy jobs aren't for strong people.

She set a package of granola bars and Gatorade on the counter and woman rang it up. If her girls were hurt in anyway, she was there. Those were _her_ girls, whatever it was she more than happy to handle. When she sat the driver's seat of her car, she put her head against the wheel. She was tired, that was a lot of intense stress that afternoon. _If only that little dwarf could just be safe._ She was always there for her girls that was true, but this one in particular, she had a special skill to worry her and destroy the strong front she had. The way she panicked reminded her of her dad. Each time he'd come home from a tour, it would get harder and harder to calm him. He would wake in the middle of the night and Aubrey was there. Each time Beca would panic, she was there.

 

* * *

 

**“Bree!” Chloe was running down the hallway as fast she could, she almost didn't come to a halt. Her hands were moving frantically before she could even explain.**

**“Chloe! Slow down, what are you doing? Why aren't you ready? We're on in twenty minutes!” She stopped panting so hard and finally caught her breath, she pulled on her hand and started walking them down to the dressing rooms. She wasn't feeling too great about the urgency in her steps.**

**“I don't know what happened, I-I don't know anything, she won't say. But I didn't know what to do-”**

**“Chloe, Chloe! What are you talking about?” She shook her head and pulled her hand as she rounded the corner and let go once she could see. Beca was sitting in the furthest corner in the room on the floor. Her eyes were wide like a deer caught in the headlights of truck. The small whimpers being made each time she took a breath and the way the tears were just running down her face. She knew this look all too well. Aubrey walked in quickly and sat right in front of Beca. She grabbed her wrist and forced eye contact with her. For** **a split second Beca stopped and she understood the look, as if Aubrey asked her if she was okay out loud.  She shook her head and Aubrey pulled her by her calves, away from the wall and moved to sit directly behind her. She pulled her into the space between her knees and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. She could feel Beca's heart banging against her forearm. “Shhhhh, you're safe. You are safe. Nothing is going to hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you. I won't let anything hurt you.” She said this and Beca's breathing slowed just a little, and they sat there on the floor. Chloe was watching from the doorway in amazement. She repeated this into Beca's ear, until her breathing completely slowed and her heartbeat came down to a normal rate and her voice was only a whisper. They stayed for a second till the worry in the room dispersed. “Are you ready?”**

**“Y-yeah. Yeah, let's go.” Beca reached for Chloe's hand and she pulled her up off the ground and then Aubrey. Beca was the first out of the dressing room, Chloe pulled Aubrey's hand stopping her for a second.**

**“Bree, how did you-”**

**“Long story.” She said, not wanting to get into it right then. They had to go up and perform in ten minutes. She nodded and she started to walk and Chloe pulled on her hand again she turned and looked at her. The sincerity in her face was stronger than it usually was.**

**“Thank you.” Aubrey smiled and started out the door again, just as the Bella's were told to come back stage.**

* * *

 

Feeling the leather of the wheel beginning to mark itself in her forehead, she lifted her head and started the car. The ICCA finals was the first time she'd seen Beca not having it together. She was only so far from Barden, she spent a lot of time driving back and forth between home and Barden. She didn't mind, but as time passed Beca stopped needing her so much and she didn't have much of an excuse to drive out. She went up to her apartment and unlocked the door. She set everything in its place, she carefully walked over to Beca's room and cracked open the door. She spotted Beca right away, but she didn't expect to see Chloe. _She's fine._ She walked out to the living room and let them be for the night.

 

* * *

 

“Can I tell you something?” Beca said sitting on the couch beside her.

“Always.”

“So, I think-” Beca stopped and tried to find another way to say whatever she was going to say. “I'm-” see covered her face for a second, rubbing her cheeks and looking up. “I’m gay.” _what?_

“When-when, um uh-really?” _she's gay._

“Yeah. I am.” She laughed a little bit at the question Aubrey asked. _What type of question is that?_ It made her laugh harder. Aubrey’s face eased out of the shock.

“Fat Amy was _so_ off with the number of lesbians in this group.” She laughed and held Beca's hands.

“I know right.” Beca laughed at the joke squeezing her hands back. “You're not gay too are you?” Aubrey's face flushed immediately. Beca realized she wasn't faking this reaction. “Wait, are you?”

“Um…” she looked away from her and to their hands. “We have a lot to talk about, don't we?” Aubrey laughed.

“Where do I even begin?” they sat on the couch for two hours, Beca explained _everything_ up to everything that has happened since Chloe showed up.

“So, what I’m getting is; you’ve always been gay, and you barely accepted it now; you never loved Jesse in _that_ way; and you’ve had feelings for Chloe for the whole five years you’ve known her?” Beca was in tears all over again, crying in her lap releasing all the stress filled tears onto her jeans.

“Yeah, pretty much.” she ran her fingers through her hair and soothed her crying.

“Well, Beca, I think that it's okay you feel this way,” she leaned over to get a look at her face to assure her. “And if not telling her scares you that much, then just get it over with, just say something.”

“Do I have to?” She chuckled at her response.

“Well, yeah.” she looked at her as she rolled over to look up at her. “It's pretty unhealthy, not saying anything.”

“But, can't I just… not?” She focused on Aubrey's face, her eyes crossed.

“It's not up to me, but,” she moved her hair out from under her neck. “You can't just… run, you have to deal with it at some point.” Beca wiped her nose and sniffled.

“I can't, huh?” Aubrey shook her head and gave a sympathetic smile. “It'll be okay though, right?”

“Yeah, you'll be fine.” She nodded and ran her hand through her hair. “You'll be okay.” Beca turned her head and stared at the TV and she fell asleep. _What have I got myself into?_ She quietly chuckled.

Her phone went off, she moved to get it and Beca moved a little and she twisted she mumbled something and frowned. “Chloe-” Aubrey looked down at her face and started singing.

“Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high,” she sang to her until her face fell back into opened mouthed snore. She leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. _She needs you here, you know._ She saw the room go dark as her eyes closed and she fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

“Bree.” her eyelids jumped open and looked at Chloe standing at the side of the couch. She looked down at Beca still asleep on her. She lifted her head and carefully moved out of her way to get up off the couch. She nodded at Chloe and followed her out to the hall. “How is she?” _well, ‘hello’ to you too, Chloe._

“Fine. She’s doing fine.”

“Good, good. That’s good.” the awkward tension between was even louder than before. They hadn’t spoken in almost a week since their last conversation. ‘ _No, Aubrey, I’m not going to have you talk to me about something you don’t know about.’_ Chloe gave her an awkward half smile.

“Okay.” she turned and walked back into the apartment, Chloe grabbed for her. She turned and looked at her face seeing the upset look in it.

“Um, thanks.” she nodded once and tried to go. “Uh-for everything, thanks for uh-being here for Beca.”

“Of course, I’m always here.” she nodded again and turned to the apartment. She didn’t know how to pick up after yelling at her like that.

“Maybe you’re even here for her more than I am.” _oh no…_ She turned around and looked at her seeing the tears rush to her eyes. She pulled her into a big hug.

“No, don’t say that. You two are inseparable, she loves you.” _it’s not my place to tell. This is a ‘them’ thing._

“I just keep messing up all over the place, Bree.” she wiped her face and Aubrey closed the apartment door.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re absolutely right, I love the feeling I get with her and I can’t-I can’t be her friend without wanting that feeling to keep going.”

“What do you mean, the 'feeling’, Chloe?” She took a deep breath and looked at her door.

“You should come inside.” She unlocked the door and Aubrey followed her in. She patted the spot on the couch.

“Okay, what's this 'feeling’?”

“Do you remember when I found out I was gay?” How could she forget.

 

* * *

 

**Her phone buzzed on her yoga mat and she picked it up. "Hey, Bree!"**

**“Hey, Chlo.”**

**“Can we meet for coffee?” She sat up right on the mat.**

**“Sure.” She sat in the coffee shop and waited for Chloe. All of the sudden she was behind her with her almond milk frap with a double shot of espresso, just how she likes it. “Hey, Chloe!” She got up and hugged her, she could feel her breath fast in her ear. Fifteen minutes go by of just simple catching up.**

**“So I uh-have something to tell you…” she put the straw of her drink in her mouth and took a long suck, almost draining the cup completely.**

**“Yeah?” She set her mug down on the table and swallowed the spit in her mouth back down her throat. Chloe said nothing, she tapped her fingers in the side of the arm chair. “Chlo, you're spacing again.” She took a deep breath in and smiled. Aubrey smiled back. “What?”**

**“Nothing.” She kept smiling, she was suddenly calm. She picked up her mug and took a drink. “So,” she raised her eyebrows at her while she drank. “I'm gay.” Aubrey spit out her coffee immediately. “Oh!” She wiped it off her pants and her shirt. She laughed at her bright red face.**

**“What?” Chloe kept laughing, Aubrey has never had such a big bomb just dropped on her. It was like getting thrown into a pool of cold, cold water.**

* * *

 

“Yeah of course.”

“Well I never told you how I realized that.”

“Okay… and how did that happen?” She cleared her throat and held tight to the leather jacket she was wearing.

“I've always had interesting um, dreams,” this was true she did. She had a lot if those _special_ dreams. She cleared her throat again. “But after your last year with us, those dreams started to uh-change.” Aubrey arched her eyebrow at her trying to find out what she meant.

“How so?” The blush in her cheeks got brighter and her eyes darted everywhere except Aubrey's face.

“Well, I got to know Beca and…” she raised her eyebrows and her shoulders went up in a shrug. _What?_ She narrowed her eyes and then her jaw dropped.

“Oh! Oh! Ew! Ew! Really? _Really_ , Chloe?” She shook her head back and forth, trying to erase the sudden image in she was getting in her head. Chloe laughed and threw her head back, Aubrey could see all her molars she was laughing so hard.

“Sorry! But yeah, it was like that for a while. I would get them and I'd be so embarrassed, but I thought they were just dreams, and then… well… I felt that same feeling when I was _awake.”_ her knuckles were white with the grip she had on the jacket. “When world's came around, they weren't just dreams _anymore_. They weren't all like _that_ all the time either. They starting turning into this _thing_ where _we_ were a thing and then…” she stopped for a second and closed her eyes. “Everyone pretty much separated and I was _still_ thinking that way, and I _still_ could feel those dreams but they were missing something,”

“So then you found out about yourself.” Aubrey nodded catching up with the meaning of the unwanted information.

“Yeah, but when I came here and with Beca, I felt what I was missing from the dreams.”

“What was missing from the dreams?” She let out a shaky breath and opened her eyes, they were glossed over with tears.

“Her.”

* * *

 


	23. Middle Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've had finals but this was written and published at a most unholy hour because I got hit and the head couldn't fall asleep.

* * *

 

Staying with the girls for a week was nice. But what wasn't nice, was that Aubrey was playing middle man with them. She could never give away her position to either of them, she cuddled and laughed all the same, but if she slipped up in _any way_ , she wouldn't make it out alive. She wasn't being weird about it, no weird looks or weird anything, you could never tell that she knows anything _at all_. But alone was a different story, there was _a lot_ of passive aggressive teasing that made both of them uncomfortable in their own skin. This much power was never supposed to be given to Aubrey Posen. “Beca, honestly just tell her.”

“Aubs, I think you've gone insane.”

“Aca-scuse me, but I am not the one who is pining _so hard,_ that I had to call her and get _her_ to get you to take your medicine.” Aubrey poked her, giving her a playful side glance as she put her hair up, teasing Beca about the first few days of getting her back on.

 

* * *

 

 **“Mitchell, open up!” Aubrey banged on the bathroom door. “Chloe, come here please.” Chloe slowly trudged over with a tired face and a cup of coffee. Beca had been sick and immature every night since she started to take them consistently. It was like getting a** **_child_ ** **to take their medicine. She hummed in acknowledgement. “She won't listen to me, but she listens to you, so…” she gestured her head at the door.**

 **“Oh, so you want** **_me_ ** **to get punched in the process?” she bent her back to stretch, hearing the bones pop in the process.**

 **“You are both on thin** **_fucking_ ** **ice.” She said loud enough to hear Beca shuffle behind the door. Chloe shook her head and yawned as she walked up to the door and put her sleepy redhead on it.**

**“Beca.” She got no answer. “Beca?” She said in a sing song voice, she was using softest most clear voice she could to lure Beca to her medicine. “Beca, honey, let me in.” The door knob clicked and Aubrey was going to storm in, guns blazing, but Chloe stuck her arm out to protect her process from Aubrey's strict and tyrannic methods. She walked in and didn't see the brunette anywhere on the floor near the door. She glanced over and saw her sitting in the shower, she opened the door and Beca had her face down in her hands . She set her mug on the counter and stretched a little bit more. “Beca…” Chloe got down and sat in the shower with her. “Sweetie, you have to take your medicine.”**

**“No, I don't want to anymore.” She shook her head, pouting like a five year old. “There's n-n-noth-noth-nothing wro-wr-wrong w-with me so why d-do I h-have to take them?” Chloe went to reach for her and she pulled away.**

**“Becs, you're taking these so nothing** **_does_ ** **go wrong with you.” Beca hid her face away again and refused eye contact. “** **_Please_ ** **take them?”**

**“No.” Beca said, her words muffling and losing form in the material of Chloe's hoodie.**

**“If you take your medicine…” she twisted her lip and tried to think of a bribe for the grown-child. “I won't go to work tomorrow.” all she wanted wanted the last few days was cuddles, which was surprising. Just cuddles and Aubrey actually did have to get up and do** **_something_ ** **so cuddles weren't available until later in the day after lunch and her nap that usually carried into the next day.**

**“Really?”**

**“Yeah, sound like a deal?” she slowly nodded her head and walked out of the bathroom. “Here.” She looked down at them for a second and Aubrey stared her down until she did.**

**“So you'll listen to her, even though she just** **_lied_** **, instead of me?” Aubrey scoffed and ratted Chloe out. She raised her eyebrows and narrowed her irritated eyes are her.**

 **_“She's nice._** **” Beca chimed. Aubrey knew exactly what she meant by 'nice’, Aubrey wiggled her eyebrows at her, causing her pale cheeks to turn a deep scarlet.**

 **“She just got you to poison yourself for a day off of work she** **_already had._ ** **” Beca's face fell and she looked up at Chloe and she looked guilty, only further confirming Aubrey's accusations.**

**“Bree!” Chloe looked at her with a sense of betrayal.**

**“Hey, not my fault you've always been a soft touch.” She winked at Chloe's whose face was red too now.**

* * *

 

“Whatever floats your boat, Aubrey.” Beca rolled her eyes and turned back into the pillow.

“Are you?” Aubrey asked with an arched eyebrow, getting onto the bed next to her.

“Am I what?”

“Going to tell her.”

“Y-yes… no… maybe? I don't know, I probably won't. I'm just-I’m just gonna not.” Beca laid sideways to face her.

“You have to tell her, or you'll ruin the both of you.” she looked at Beca with a serious, yet soft, face. “Tomorrow is my last night here, Beca. I just want to you to be okay when I leave.”

“I'll be alright.” She nodded once.

“See there's the Bella captain I know.” She smiled encouraging her attitude towards the problem. “Now if only you could say that about other things…” she started to open one of Chloe's books on the bedside table, Beca whined at her in frustration.

“Dude!” She caused Aubrey to look back innocently at her.

“What?”

“Y-y-you can-can’t just-”

“Yeah, yeah, Stutters McGee, you know I'm right.”

“I'm going to pretend you _didn't_ just say that, so we can still be friends.” Aubrey laughed at her serious tone and headed for the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

She wanted to tell the both of them, or give some sort of clue, but it wasn't her place to step in and take control like that. She wasn't in charge anymore and it wasn't her job to get them to communicate properly. She was just there friend, she was never supposed to be in the middle of this. It was frustrating knowing so many things she couldn't just bring up in conversation at lunch.

She couldn't take charge and tell them both, she couldn't invade in their personal issues it wasn't up to her. It wasn't a choice for her to make, but she wanted to make it _so_ bad. How could she just not be allowed to say? Is this what receptionists feel like? Always getting calls from people in different departments, complaining about whoever, without ever telling that person personally and then having to suffer being in the same room as them? “Chloe.”

“What?” She absent mindedly answered to the sound if her name.

“You're doing it again.” She didn't even have to look at her to know what she was doing.

“Doing what?” She asked innocently looking back down to the vegetables she was cutting.

“You have that stupid lovey dovey look on your face again.” She walked up to her with a beer in between her index finger and thumb, holding it by the neck. “Can you just get your head out if your ass for one minute, please?” Chloe sighed heavily and turned to look at her.

“What's up, Bree?”

“Tell her.”

“I can't just-”

“You can't just exclude yourself from the 'Honesty is the best policy’ rule.” Chloe bit her lip and turned halfway back to the cutting board. “Just tell her, what are you so afraid of?”

“Her.” She could understand that. But she couldn't keep herself after her for so long. “Just... her in general.”

“So tell her that then, that you're scared of her.”

“And how do you propose I do that, Aubrey?” She turned her whole body around again and sarcastically waited for an answer, a solution to her problem.

“‘Hey, Beca. I've been in love with since forever ago, but I was too much of a chicken shit to say.’” Chloe smacked her arm.

“Oh God, Bree, be serious.” She said choking back a laugh.

“Like you have a better plan?” Her fingers tapped against her bottle before taking a big swig. Chloe just stopped talking about it altogether. The one skill she quickly picked up and adapted to the whole time she's known Beca, was dropping the ball of an unwanted conversation.

 

* * *

 

 **“Chloe?” Silence. There was silence in the room. “Chloe?” Still nothing. “Chloe come on, say something.” She just continued to take off her Bella uniform in furious silence. “Chloe, come on. It's not my fault that we didn't get it,** **_she_ ** **changed the set!” Chloe threw a shoe at her, she was beyond angry.**

**“You think I'm upset because we didn't beat the Footnotes? This isn't about the ICCA's, Bree! You basically just fired my best friend because she had a better idea!”**

**“'** **_Best friend_ ** **’?” Aubrey scoffed. “Since when are you two 'best friends’?” She heard nothing, Chloe just walked out of the room and said nothing. “Best friends. Ha!” Aubrey said as she closed the door.**

* * *

 

“Chloe, you just have to tell her, okay?” Aubrey said putting her beer on the counter.

“Tell who what?” Beca mumbled, rubbing her eyes. Neither one of them notice her get up.

“Tell her boss she wants a weekend class.” Aubrey answered breezily to save the day.

“Just ask, Chlo. What's she gonna say? No?” Beca said through a yawn.

“Yeah, Chlo.” Aubrey said coolly as if she weren't referring to their previous conversation. “What's she gonna say?” Beca bobbed her head and nodded in agreement as she walked off to her room, still waking up but only to go back to sleep. “You're welcome.” She said taking another drink.

“For what?” Chloe said in a monotone voice.

“Hey, I could've thrown you under the bus, would you prefer that instead?” Chloe continued to chop. Aubrey wasn't having it. “Beca?” she tilted her chin up, proud and confident. The badassery was real.

“Bree, no!” Chloe whispered as she quickly ducked down, hiding down behind the counter.

“Yeah?” They barely heard her at all.

“Nevermind!” Aubrey said cocking her eyebrow at her, putting her beer bottle in the trash.

“ _So_ not cool.” Chloe said dumping the veggies into the broth.

“I think what you _mean_ to say is 'Thank you’.” She said exiting the kitchen and walking into Beca's room. She was getting ready for bed and she walked by Beca's side and she caught her by her wrist, but then it fell back to the bed.

“Chloe?” She mumbled into the pillow. Aubrey stormed out of the room, she was suddenly overcome with anger.

“You _have_ to say something. You have to, I'm not gonna sit here and watch you watch her from afar without telling her.”

“Well, no one asked you to, Bree.” She said stirring the contents of the pot.

“Fine, have it your way.” She walked past her and grabbed her purse. “Don't hurt my friend.” She warned and she walked out the door.

“Don't what?” Chloe was so confused. What did she mean by that?

 

* * *

 

“Stay?” Beca asked her in the smallest voice. Beca hugged her tighter to emphasize her plea.

“Hey, don't worry. I'll be back.” she felt Beca’s grip loosen, her face fell into her shoulder.

“Promise?”

“I promise. You stay safe, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Beca let go and wiped her cheeks. “I don't know why I'm crying, but I think I need you to stay and make sure I'm not dying.” Aubrey laughed at her humorous attempt to get her to stay.

“Nice try, Mitchell. You'll be alright.” She pointed her finger at her chest almost touching.

“I wish you would stay,” she said glumly. “I kinda need you around…”

“Beca Mitchell needs someone?” She dramatically gasped. “I think you'll be fine. But really I have to go now, but promise me you'll do it, Beca.”

“But, Aubs-”

“Promise me.” She said holding serious eye contact.

“Dude-”

“Fine." She dropped it as soon as she picked it up. "But do call me, and who knows? Maybe I'll be moving into an apartment here soon.” She trailed off smiling, knowing she's got her riled up.

“Really? Will you?” Her face was like that of a child's on their birthday.

“I said 'who knows’.” She shrugged putting her suitcase into her trunk.

“Oh, you bitch.” Beca said in an exasperated sigh. “Will you be back?”

“Yes, I'll be back.” She pulled her into another hug.

“Soon? Please say 'soon’.” Beca laughed, not knowing if she would make it without her.

“Yes, soon.” She sighed over her shoulder. “I’m gonna miss you, shrimp.”

“I'm gonna miss you too, Aubs.” She pulled off and there was a small stream of tears of tears down her own cheeks. “Wait, you're _not_ made of ice?”

“Shut up.” she wiped her face and let out a shaky laugh. “Next time, if you don't _almost die_ at work, we'll do something.”

“Okay.” She let out her own tears. “Now get outta here.” She opened her door for her. “Love you, awesome nerd.”

“Love you too.” She got into the car and Beca closed the door behind her. She rolled down her window, her sunglasses ready in her hands. “Beca?” She looked at her with an unsure and serious face. “Take care of yourself.” Beca opened her mouth, but she shut it last minute and just nodded.

“Text me when you get there.”

“I will, see you.” She pulled away from the front of the building and drove down the road. She stared out in front of her, seeing the pavement running under the car. She hoped and hoped that nothing would burst into flames when she left. _She's gonna be alright._

* * *

 


	24. Take a Hint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't been uploading on my regular time but I had finals but I'm finally done with them tomorrow so, awesome sauce. And this chapter is kinda smutty so yeah enjoy!

* * *

 

It’d been a week since Aubrey left. Besides avoiding Kelly, going to Radio Shack, and Chloe with still no weekend classes, there wasn't much to do around the apartment on a Saturday. “Man, I'm bored.” Beca sighed, laying across the couch.

“Me too.” Chloe was just sitting at the table staring at a book.

“Posh?” she got up and looked over.

“Well, DUh.” Chloe popped up and grabbed her coat, Beca just watched after the beautiful woman. “Well, come on then.” Chloe said brightly nodding towards the door.

“Y-yeah, uh-right.” She got up and grabbed Chloe's hoodie off the hook. “Hey, do have any idea where my leather jacket is?” Chloe's eyes flicked up almost immediately.

“Nope.” Chloe remembered it was at the edge of her bed, just like it had been since Beca's hospital visit. Whoops.

 

* * *

 

They pulled up to Posh, they went in and walked up to the bar together. “Hey ladies, what can I get you?”

“Just a water.” She got her water as requested and leaned against the wall furthest from the DJ booth.

“Let's dance.” Chloe said into her ear, and they walked over to the dance floor closest to there spot on the wall. She slowly sipped, looking out at the big room. Chloe had her eyes closed, she was just feeling the music. She was so beautiful, everything about her emitted light. Chloe turned around and did a little death drop in front of Beca, grinding up her front. _Screw it._ She just danced, she wasn't looking around anywhere else until she felt someone's eyes on her. She looked across the dance floor and saw Kelly dancing in the middle of the crowd, they were making eye contact and she started walking over. _Shit._

“Beca! Hi, how are you?” Kelly asked, stopping their night. She could feel the annoyance and jealousy in her vibe.

“Hey, kid! I'm doing good, thanks! What about you?” She asked uncomfortably as Chloe stood by her side, watching the fairly odd interaction between them.

“I'm doing great! Are you here by yourself or…?” she pretended she didn't obviously notice the redhead standing behind her.

“Um…” Beca felt like the room got hotter, the cool water in her hand did nothing. She was sure that her hot body would bring it to a boil. “Um…” she tugged at the hoodie. She could say 'no’ and be fine when she went back to work with her, or she could say 'yes’ and make the entire situation _with Kelly_ go away and have to deal with stuff at the studio later, but start a totally new situation with _Chloe_. Decisions, decisions. She felt Chloe possessively wrap her arm around her waist, she felt her territorial side come out stronger than it usually did. “No, I uh-th-this is uh-m-my Chloe.” she sounded like a bumbling idiot.

“Pleasure.” Chloe put her hand out, playing the part like they always did when either one of them needed rescuing.

“Oh! I didn't even see you there!” _that was rude._ “Hi, I work with her, both casually and professionally.” she sent a very noticeable suggestive smirk in Beca’s direction, completely forgetting Chloe at this point. _Dude, no! What the fuck?_ Beca's jaw dropped a little before snapping it shut. She couldn't believe she just said that. Chloe shook her hand, proudly, not shaken by Kelly's attitude. She could feel Chloe's grip around her tighten. She was going to constrict her like a python and eat her alive after this conversation was over.

“Always uh-always the ch-charmer, Kells.” Beca looked down slightly and then back up in utter terror and embarrassment when Chloe's hand was squeezing her side. She kissed her neck and looked at Kelly with a maliciously taunting look.

“It was so fun to meet your _little_ friends,” she said 'little’ in such a fake way, it made her shudder at the amount of shade being thrown. “But, I think we'd have a better time alone.” She winked at her and looked back at Kelly. “Oh, _you're_ still here,” she let out a little sarcastic laugh. “Well, I suppose we should let you run along,” she flicked her hand at her, shooing like if she were some sort of dog. “It's been lovely.” She sounded like a smug rich woman at a dinner party. She didn't give Kelly or Beca a chance to say anything else, she pulled Beca away by her hand and took them back to the bar. “Beca,”

“Ronnie!” she called for him to save her from this, bring her a drink, go back out to the dance floor, anything but this.

“Beca-”

“Ronnie!” she tapped her foot anxiously waiting. “Where _is_ he?”

“Beca!” Chloe screamed at her, getting her attention away from the bartenders whereabouts and bringing it back to her.

“We _will_ talk about it, I swear. I just need a drink.” she ran her hands through her hair and rolled up her sleeves.

“Okay. Ronnie!” Chloe screamed, finally getting his attention for her.

“Whatcha need, red?”

“Let me get two shots.”

“Just two? Thought you could handle it.” Ronnie teased.

“Don’t worry, Ronnie, we’re just getting started.” Beca gave her a surprised bright-eyed look, Chloe saw her and laughed sarcastically. “What, did you expect? For me to stand by while you have all the fun? Sorry, but that’s not gonna work for me.” she said exhaustedly. Ronnie put her shot down and she grabbed it faster then he could say ‘here you go.’ “After _that_ ,” she nodded towards Kelly who was across the bar. “No.” she gave Beca her shot. She shrugged and took it. “So, _Beca_ , who was that?”

“Hold that thought, Ronnie! Let me get two more!” She grabbed her shot. “That,”  she drank it and cleared her throat. “Was my client, Kelly.”

“The new one, right?” she drank her shot, Beca was unsure if it was the booze or if Chloe was just unreasonably graceful. Beca stuck her two fingers out at Ronnie, signaling more.

“Yup.” she downed another, Chloe hesitantly going along with her.

“Anything else I should know?”

“Well, I could ask you the same.” she bit into a lime and cocked an eyebrow at her.

“What do you mean?” the shots just kept coming and she could feel her filter disappearing.

“What was with the touchy-flirty stuff out there?” Beca took another shot.

“You needed help.” She said simply like if it were obvious that that was what she was trying to do.

“And the staring? Come on I noticed that, Chlo. We both know that I know that death stare all too well.” Beca twisted the shot glass in her hand and Chloe stared at her with an irritated look. “Okay look, do you want some real shit?”

“Um, I've only been asking for that since I got here. Yeah, of course.”

“Okay, hold on, I'm gonna need some help with that.” She was already tipsy, but to do _this_ , this was going to need a little more. She twisted in her chair to face the bar again. “Ronnie!” He looked at her with a shocked face.

“Again, sweet cheeks? Might wanna slow your roll.”

“Yeah, yeah, I'm good. Let me get two Slow and Comfortable Screws.”

“Damn, Becs, that escalated quickly.” Chloe poked at her with her foot and gave her a flirtatious smirk followed by a wink. Her face was hot. _Drink you fool!_ She took the first long drink, or chug, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and grinned proudly.

“Why are you jealous of everyone, Chlo?” She hoped that Chloe was buzzed enough that her question didn't seem that blunt.

“Mm,” She hummed downing most of her drink. She smacked her lips and swallowed back the bitter sweet spit. “Because! All of these people are just… ugh.” She made and funny face and stuck out her tongue. Beca laughed and slapped her knee. “Like, I like my stuff as 'my stuff’,” _wait, what?_  “And I don't fancy people going around and messing with _my_ stuff.” She shrugged and put the cup back up to her mouth.

“Oh, so I'm an object now?” Beca teased and Chloe kicked her again.

“What's up with you and whatever her face is?” She rolled her eyes and caught Kelly's stare and she gave a fake smile and waved enthusiastically causing Kelly to just turn around fast as if she hadn't been looking.

“Made out with her.” She didn't mean to just say it, it just came out that way now. It took her a minute to take Beca's words into account and when she did her eyebrows were basically in the middle of her forehead.

“ _That’s_ her?” Chloe screamed loud enough for the three people behind Beca to turn around.

“I know!”

“You work with her!”

“I know! You know what's worse though?” She leaned forward a little, bringing her voice down a little. “I nipped it in the bud and she is _so_ not handling it well.” Beca swirled her drink in the cup thinking back on that morning after. Of course she wasn't handling it well, no one would. While Beca _could_ say that wasn't her problem, it really was. It was a pretty big one too.

“That's rough.” Chloe sighed watching Beca pensively look into her glass. “Didn't know you were a cradle robber.” She nudged her again with her foot.

“Shut up!” Chloe laughed at her and finished her drink. She got this look on her face, she was cooking up something in that ginger melon of hers.

“Let's go dance.” She pulled her off the chair, she didn't know _how_ she was walking after that many drinks, but she was. Chloe automatically threw her arms over Beca's shoulders, moving up against her to the beat of the song. The back of Beca's neck turned red, she could feel the sweat in between the nape of her neck and Chloe's forearms. She turned her back to her, but she kept her arm hooked around her neck. She moved differently, with a purpose. When she turned back around her elbow was sitting on Beca's shoulder, her finger was going over the bridge of her nose looking deep into her eyes.

“Wh-whatcha doin’ there, Chlo?” Beca laughed uncomfortably watching the mischief in Chloe's eyes.

“Just making a point.” She saw her eyes travel back to the bar where Kelly was. She brought her focus back to Chloe and watched the blue change shades in the light of the club. After the song ended they were back on their chairs at the bar. The point was very obviously and clearly made, so much so that Kelly has been upstairs on the second level ever since. “That was _so_ much fun!” Beca smiled at her energy.

 

****

 

“Come on.” She tugged on her fingertips and started leading towards the door.

“But I wanna stay.” Chloe pouted, planting her feet.

“Chlo, come on.” She followed quickly, tickling Beca as they got into a cab. “Dude, quit!” She couldn't keep still, Chloe kept tickling her and then they finally got there. They walked into the bar across the street from the apartments. There was a bright neon sign that said 'The Effing Bar’. There was a small dance floor, one long bar, a tiny little DJ setup, and three old men in a booth towards the back end of the bar. They got up to the bar and greeted the woman across. “Let me get… two jager bombs.”

“'Kay.” The woman moved behind the bar and Chloe was staring at Beca.

“What?” Chloe blinked fast and hard realizing she'd just been caught. She had to come up with something to say to cover up her day dreaming.

“N-nothing, it's just that this is the first place we come where you _don't_ know anybody.” The woman set their drinks in front of them, dropping the shot glass, making a loud sort of sizzling noise.

 

****

 

“Oh my God, you're right…” Beca said looking around, not seeing any familiar faces. Except one of the men in the booth, she was sure she'd seen him at the pharmacy at least once. “I don't know anyone!” She laughed and started on her drink.

“Weird, it's like, right across the street.” Chloe laughed, taking a long chug, almost finishing the whole thing.

“So the Jesse thing, what was up with that?” Beca said feeling the wood of the bar.

“I already told you.” Chloe danced her finger around the rim of the glass.

“No, what you told me was; 'He's an asshole!’” she mimicked Chloe, earning herself a punch in the arm. Chloe took another drink, swayed just a little.

 

****

 

“He's just not… good. I remember a lot of the times you'd go out, you'd usually come back with smeared mascara because you were crying on your way home,” she licked her lips and she tapped her glass with her finger. “And when you would cry… you would cry so hard, I'd crawl into bed next to you and I'd stay there until you fell asleep,” her face was dazed as she reminisced on that point in time where Beca's heart would break over and over again. “And when you did, I'd stay there longer to be there when you would wake up in the middle of the night and cry,” she took a deep breath in. “I just don't see how you could want that.” Beca's eyes were teary, it wasn't until she felt a tear roll down her cheek that she realized that it was happening. “Beca, are you crying?” Chloe drunkenly leaned toward her, before she could reach Beca's face she was already wiping it away.

“You don't have to worry about him anymore, I promise.” She held her pinky out and Chloe's pinky wrapped around it.

“Beca?”

“Yeah?” She swallowed the rest of her drink and made an 'ahh’ sound as she set the glass down on the bar.

“What's been going on with you?” She looked at Beca, expecting an answer like how she'd been answering questions all night.

“Uh…” she fidgeted with the cuff of the hoodie. “Um… stuff. A lot of stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” Chloe asked coolly, she wasn't trying to run from the question, she just couldn't answer right then.

“Just stuff.” Beca sat back into the chair and picked at her nails.

“Come on, tell me.”

“No, Chlo-”

“Come on, Becs, tell me.”

“Chlo, I really-”

“You can tell me anything-”

“Except for this, Chloe! Jesus!” Chloe was surprised that Beca raised her voice at her like that.

“Oh, so what? I don't get to ask you questions, but you can ask me? Bullshit, Beca!” Beca got up from the chair and she started walking towards the door, Chloe quickly followed her. “Beca, you can't just ignore me. I'm your neighbor, this is gonna come back at some point, might as well deal with it now.” She kept babbling and babbling, Beca's head was about to explode. “You can't just shut everyone out like this, because someday at some point, no one is going to come back when you're ready and I just think that-”

 

****

 

“Enough, Chloe, I'm tired.” She unlocked her door and walked in, Chloe was still on her case. _Just tell her._

“No, we have to talk about this!”

“I just have a lot of things on my mind, Chloe, God!” she looked at Chloe again, she was obviously hurt. She didn't mean to hurt her, she didn't want to hurt her. But this was for the best, if she didn't know about her.

“What could you have on your mind that is so bad you can't possibly tell me?” Loving her could be rewarding or it can be damning, but both had a fifty-fifty chance. _I'm gay, and I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you everything in my head, I want to tell you everything I think of you and everything you deserve to hear, because I'm madly in love with you._ She felt a big lump in her throat.

“I'm sorry, Chloe-” she felt a sudden cool feeling on her cheeks, she was crying.

“You're sorry? Oh my God, Beca Mitchell is sorry everyone!” She yelled through her own tears. “I can't even touch you without setting you off, Beca! I can't wait to see you and then I get here and it's like-” her words were tripping over themselves. “It's like you spend all your time trying to get away from me when I ask questions or when I even so much as put my hand on yours!” She wiped her tears, they were still coming. “Why is that? Why do you do this? Why do you run from me?” She asked her wanting so badly to know. “I can't keep following you when you run, Beca. I-I can't.” She sniffled continuing to wipe her emotions away. “Why do you run from me, Beca?” Beca felt like she was getting grilled her face got really red and hot. “Well?” Chloe yelled.

“Because I love you! Have you bothered to read the signs?” Beca yelled back at her. Silence fell over the apartment. “I can’t handle being around you because I might have a _fucking_ heart attack, otherwise.” she numbered the points on her fingers. “I haven't been able to get comfortable in my own skin every time you get in my personal space, because I'm not sure where the boundaries are to get in yours,” another finger went down, Chloe's face was shocked at the aggression and obvious frustration. “I refuse to talk about these types of things and my answer is always ‘I don't know’ because _I don't_ and _I didn't_. Like take a hint, dude!” She threw her keys in the bowl, it sounded as if the metal almost shattered it. “Jesus, connect the fucking dots, Chloe.” She mumbled on her way into her room. She stood there for a moment. Beca slammed her door and got her bathrobe. How could Chloe not have seen any of this? She was sure that her acting wasn't _that_ advanced, if she really thought about it's because Chloe wasn't paying attention to her. No she wasn't paying attention, _of course_ she wasn't, she doesn't notice Beca in that way. She could literally go to any bar or club and find a girl, it wasn't that hard. _But none of them are Chloe and you won't settle for less._ “She doesn't- You know she doesn't- gahh!” She yelled as she got undressed. Her thoughts were right, she wouldn't settle for less but she could pretend to.

 

****

 

Chloe paced the apartment and twiddled her fingers. She looked over at the phone. _This would count as an emergency right?_ She called Aubrey. “Hey is everything alright? Is it Beca?” She asked right away before Chloe could speak.

“Beca loves me.”

“I know.” Aubrey said flat out.

“We got into another fight and she told me to 'connect the dots’ and she just said and what do you mean you know…?” she trailed off as she registered what Aubrey just said. “What do you mean, you 'know’?”

“She told me.”

“Why didn't you tell me?” Chloe was full fledged yelling at her now.

“Because, Chloe, it wasn't my place to say.” _what the hell?_

“Oh God, everything is so messed up now, Bree.” she let out a small sob and she wiped her face. “I really messed up this time, she's not gonna believe me when I say it.”

“Show her then. You got this, Chloe.” She wanted to kick herself in the head.

“Okay,” Chloe said, shaking her head and taking a deep breath in. “I'll talk to you soon.”

 

****

 

 _OhmyGod, you just did that. OhmyGod, you just did that! What the hell's the matter with you, Mitchell?_ She paced slowly through the bathroom. _You know what, it’s fine._ It was not fine. She just told her with no warning, none whatsoever. She didn’t even know why she just did it. It just happened. _It just… happened, right?_ She started the shower, she felt the water warming up and she heard her bedroom door open and close. _No, no, no! Go away!_ She was sure it was Chloe by the sound of the steps getting closer. “Beca?” she said from the other side of the bathroom door. “Beca, open the door, I’m not done talking to you.” _dude, she already knows you’re in here._ She heard the door knob jiggle. _Oh, not again._ She already knew she was picking the lock, she might as well open the door.

“What, Chloe?” She opened the door seeing the redhead on her knees in front of her, picking the lock just as she suspected. The tear stains on her eyes were prominent and the puffiness of her eyes broke Beca's heart. Even when she looked rough, she was beautiful.

“You can’t just-” she picked herself off the ground to a standing position. “You can’t just say that to me and then run away right after-”

“Okay, sorry.” she tried to close the door but Chloe wedged her foot in between stopping the door from closing.

“No Beca, we’re talking about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Chloe, can you back off?” _why can’t she just leave? I’ve already made a big enough fool of myself today._

“Why wouldn't you tell me?”

“You haven’t noticed the whole time you’ve been here. It’s not like that would've changed anything, would it?” she was really trying to get it out of her. Chloe opened her mouth to say something back but she took too long to respond. “Thought so.” Beca gently pushed her foot out and closed the door. She stood in the shower, her forehead against the wall directly under the shower head. _What did I just get myself into?_ She stood there for the longest time, she looked up and rinsed her face, she couldn’t rinse this feeling off her. Not this time.

 

****

 

“God what’s wrong with me?” Chloe sat on her bed thinking about what Beca just said. It was so clear, it was basically spelled out for her in red and she didn't see until now. Why  _wouldn't_ she tell her? Chloe couldn’t even explain to herself why she wouldn't. She couldn’t explain to herself for years now. ‘ _Show her’._ She got into a towel and she went into the bathroom, she had to feel the fire. She had to, she wasn’t about to lose whatever just happened there in her apartment. Beca heard the door open again and she could hear Chloe going towards her.

“Go away, Chloe.” the shower door was open and Beca was livid, she opened her eyes looking at the wall angrily. “Chloe, I don’t wanna-” she looked at her, Chloe stepped into the shower with her, Beca’s mouth hung open in shock. It was too late to ask questions, her lips instantly met with Chloe’s. Chloe pushed her against the wall, her body was pressed into Beca’s as they exchanged moans. “Wow.” She kissed harder, feeling Beca slowly melting into her. Both of them melting into each other. Chloe’s tongue retracting and twisting back in and retracting, massaging Beca’s. Beca pulled away from the kiss, she let out a breath, feeling Chloe against her.

“I know.” Chloe said taking a few breaths of her own. She ran her tongue along Beca’s bottom lip before taking it with her teeth, she heard a loud keen from the brunette. This wasn’t for Beca, Chloe moved selfishly with her lips and her hands. Chloe _needed_ the fire to happen. She couldn’t fight the pulling in the depths of her stomach. There was no stopping her now, she pressed harder into Beca, taking her wrists above her head. Beca let out a small moan as the kiss deepened, Chloe matching her moan with one of her own. She moved her hands to her waist, feeling Beca curve into her, letting her hands fall over Chloe’s shoulders. Chloe looked into her eyes, seeing the loss of control in them. There was a type of madness in them, a loss of thinking and a gain of feeling.

She kissed her cheekbone, her lips, and biting along her jawline. Her lips slowly moved down to her throat, her fingers walked their way up her sides, where her palm held so softly, moving up and down her ribcage. Quiet little ‘mms’ came from deep inside of Beca, she could feel the vibrations of her vocal chords with her lips. She slowly turned her kissing into sucking, feeling Beca's fingers fall a little heavier on her skin. She got the flesh from Beca’s neck between her teeth and bit hard, Beca’s back slightly arching, she let go and brushed her lips over the little purple mark. She left a more gentle kiss on the other side. She felt Chloe push harder up against her.

She grazed her lips across her collarbone. Beca closed her eyes, she could not believe that _Chloe_ was touching her in such a way, that her lips were on her, it made all the skin where Chloe touched burn even more. She trailed her kisses down between her breasts, to her belly button, to lowest region of her stomach. The hands on her rib cage slowly met Beca's breast as she lightly bit the skin at the small of her stomach. Beca’s breathing hitched as she did, Chloe looked up and saw her eyes roll. She opened the floodgates and held nothing back, she heard a loud moan from Beca. Her fingertips sat on Beca’s hipbone. She looked at her, her eyes asking for permission.

“Mmhm.” She hummed, Chloe hesitated for a minute. She left a kiss in the most private place. Beca’s back came off the shower wall and landed back down, her fingers knitted themselves in Chloe’s red hair. Her head swam feeling her tongue touching her, she couldn’t verbalize the feeling. The only response she was able to give were broken moans. Chloe brought herself up from her knees and caught Beca in a kiss that made the muscles in her stomach clench against Chloe’s. She could taste herself on her tongue, she was completely losing it. She left her stare lingering all over her body, like studying art. Beca felt beautiful, she felt Chloe's eyes all over her.

There were no secrets at this moment, this very vulnerable moment. Their lips moved together frivolously unable to separate. She'd pressed her thigh into Beca. “Oohhhh.” Chloe's sanity tipped at the sound. She rolled her hips and ground into her hearing Beca's moans get louder, she was losing her mind but in the best way possible.

She marvelled at the redhead as she pulled noises she wasn't sure as to who they belonged to anymore. Beca pressed her entire body into her, hearing her loudly express her thoughts with her cries and keens. She kissed her over and over, everywhere she could. Beca’s hands moved slowly up her waist, feeling the smooth skin on her lower back. She poured all her thoughts into her, she was trading it all for an infinite moment of absolute unexpected and wonderful bliss.

She pressed her fingers against Beca, her hands met her shoulders and she dragged her nails down her back, deep in Chloe’s skin. Chloe let go of her lips with a small popping noise, looking at her with surprise. Beca ripped away at the skin on her back, feeling Chloe’s fingers curl. Chloe felt every twitch and tremble, each time Beca closed around her, until she herself was slowly becoming undone. She felt the fire running through her body, burning through her skin, being slowly roasted.

Beca looked up at her, seeing her lip trapped in her teeth and the pleasure on this earth angel's face. She felt a vein hammering in the side of her neck, feeling the mounting sensations build in her lower stomach listening to Chloe’s almost-screaming.

Her eyes shot open, they were titanium blue with a sharp focus in them. The look on Chloe's face was predatory and hungry. Her kiss pushed Beca further into the wall, pulling more cries and whimpers. She felt herself slipping away, the claws at her back making it seem like she was being held there in the intensity of the moment. Beca leaned up into a sloppy open mouth kiss, her hair was in her mouth. “Chlo-” Beca cried pulling harder into her, sending Chloe off the brink with a final moan. She wasn't sure whether her name was 'Chloe’ or God. She was absolutely certain that that was how her name was supposed to be said.

“Oooh-ahhhh.” she crashed into her, leaning on Beca’s body, listening to the water running down the drain, pitter pattering on their bodies. Their breaths were slowing, standing there, they were sure the room had been on fire it was so hot. Chloe took a step back and leaned carefully on the other side of the shower. Beca wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to walk out of the bathroom, let alone walk anywhere ever again, her knees were so weak and wobbly. Beca couldn't even remember her own name, she was finally able to collect herself again, but really there was no collecting yourself after something like that. “What were we fighting about?” Beca looked at her, she didn't know if that was a joke or if she'd been serious or not. “I'm kidding.” Chloe said, she was still slightly unable to breathe, her lungs just did one hell of a warm up. They sang in the shower together once, but they never made music with each other like _that_.

“Oh, thank God.” Beca laughed barely being able say anything. She wasn't sure if that high note was about to go flat or not. “So does that mean you forgive me?” Chloe laughed so hard at the question. “Is that a 'no’ laugh or a 'yes’ laugh?”

“Oh yeah, definitely forgiven.” Beca looked at her with that damn smile, the one where all her teeth would show and her nose would scrunch up and she looked crazy adorable? Yeah that one.

“Awesome sauce.” she stood there, just breathing. Just being, it was something new she had never thought to try. To be open this way, it was nice. She looked up at Chloe, she still couldn't get over those lips. Those lips were _all over her._ “Chloe?” Beca said in small voice.

“Yeah?” Chloe was spent.

“When I leave, should I be expecting a standing ovation?” Beca stood up straight, the water hitting one whole side of her body.

“Maybe,” laughing at the dorky comment. “Definitely an encore.” She sent her a suggestive grin, she pulled her into a long soft kiss, the kind that makes you a little sad when it’s over. Beca grabbed her towel from the rack and wrapped it around herself.

She hummed happily drying herself off. Chloe was sitting on the bed looking at her, she smiled and felt a warmth spread across her chest. “Chloe.” Beca interrupted her adoring look.

“Y-yeah what?” Chloe said slightly shaking her head, she couldn’t help but smile, she pulled her lip between her teeth and watched Beca wrap another towel around her head.

“You’re staring.” She pointed out as if Chloe wasn’t already well aware of that.

“I’m not staring, I’m gazing.” she said simply as if Beca should know the difference.

“It’s creepy.” Beca said sarcastically out of habit, Chloe shook her head at her rolling her eyes.

“It’s romantic.” she got up and walked over to the mirror where Beca was standing. She wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her chin in the crook of her neck. She left a little kiss behind Beca’s ear, feeling her shudder. She giggled. “Hey, Beca?”

“Yes?” she said turning around and putting her arms around Chloe’s shoulders.

“So _, 'this is a thing now?'_ ” she quoted her sarcasm from that day at the activities fair. Beca laughed at her.

“' _Oh, totes.'_ ”

 

* * *

 

Chloe laid across the couch in a bathrobe, she looked at the ceiling, listening to Beca singing in the kitchen. “I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose. Fire away, fire away. Ricochet-”

“You do know that you’re singing my lady jam, right?” Chloe said from the couch, Beca could hear the smile in her voice.

“All the more reason to sing it.” she came back to the couch with a big bowl of ice cream and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Chloe’s lips. She hummed with satisfaction, lifting her feet so Beca could sit down. She felt the couch sink a little and she watched Beca lift the spoon to her mouth.

“So, Beca,” Beca stopped the spoon right as soon as it was going into her mouth. “Not that I’m complaining but,” Beca lowered her spoon into the bowl and looked at her.

“Yeah?”

“What exactly is happening?” she sat criss cross in front of Beca, twiddling her thumbs. Beca put her ice cream on the coffee table and mirrored Chloe’s position.

“Give me your hands.” Chloe hesitated for a moment sending a questioning look towards Beca. “Just do it, it’s fine.” Chloe put her hands in Beca’s and waited for her to explain the purpose.

“Okay, now what?” Beca’s hands were warm, she could feel all the little movements in her fingers through her palms.

“We’re gonna play a game.”

“Beca, come on, be serious.”

“No, no, the game has to do with this. Just,” she sighed and brushed her lips over Chloe’s knuckles. “Just bear with me, alright?” Chloe could feel the fire starting again in her fingertips, she licked her lips and nodded her head. Beca moved her hands up Chloe’s and stopped at her wrists. She held them very lightly, she looked up at Chloe slightly tightening her grip. “You’re gonna hold mine just like that, okay?”

“Okay.” Chloe turned her hands over and wrapped her fingers around Beca’s wrist, her thumb moved so lightly back and forth on the bone. “Now what?” she looked up at Beca, there was a bigger purpose to this than she thought. There was a look in Beca’s eyes that she didn’t recognize.

“You can ask me anything, I can ask you anything but we have to answer.” Chloe slowly nodded her head trying to figure out the motive of this game. “If either of us lies, we’ll know. Got it?”

“Yeah, got it.” Chloe’s quickly nodded her head and looked directly into Beca’s eyes. “Do you want me to go first or?”

“Um,” Beca thought she might take this one but she backed out. “Yeah you can go first.”

“Okay,” she thought about it for a second. “Since when have you felt…?” she had no idea how to articulate the question at hand.

“Do you remember that night at aca-initiation? When you invaded my bubble like the psychopath you are?”

“Yeah, I remember that night.” she really focused on Beca’s pulse, it was as normal as it could be, she wasn’t in any state of panic right now. At least in her eyes, to Beca she had just been asked to solve a long division problem. She moved her thumb side to side on the edge on Beca’s wrist bone. Beca’s pulse was slow and calm, she could feel her heartbeat underneath the pads of her index and middle finger.

“I didn’t really know what it was,” she pouted her lips out a little and brought her eyebrows together. “I guess I’ve always just been really weird about feelings-”

“I know tell me about it.” Chloe laughed and cleared her throat. “Uh-sorry continue.”

“I just had other distractions like the Bellas, or Jesse, or school, and I guess I just don’t have my mind on so many things, so there’s more room to think.” she brought both her lips in and pressed down in a ‘that’s that’ type of smirk. ‘ _I think that we’re going to be really fast friends.’_ sounded in her head.

“When-”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s my turn.” Beca laughed at her and stopped her question. “Think you’re so slick.”

“Okay, fine what’s your question?” Chloe laughed, a little disappointed that she got caught in the act.

“Why didn't you just kiss me that night? In the tent?” Beca asked as if she couldn’t ask her soon enough, like she’d been waiting to ask that since that morning after the whole trip.

“Someone’s been saving that one huh?” Chloe awkwardly laughed, there wasn’t such a simple answer for that. “Well,” she sat for a minute feeling Beca’s fingers lightly pressing into her wrist. “I just get this really strong feeling when you touch me or I touch you, and I really like it.” she bit her lip and thought about this feeling, it was all over her hands right now. “I-I crave it, there’s no other way to say it, I just crave it and I don’t know why I didn't, but…” she focused on Beca’s eyes seeing them glimmer and shine at this confession. _‘You know, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't do enough experimenting in college.’_

“Can I tell you a secret?” Beca said grinning a little as she whispered.

“Sure.” Chloe whispered back leaning in to hear her better.

“I dream about you… a lot.” She said shyly, trying to hide her blush from her view.

“It’s not really a secret if I already knew.” Chloe gave her a side wink, they were centimeters from each other's faces.

“How did you know?”

“You say my name is your sleep sometimes.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, it's pretty cute.” Chloe confessed without thinking about what she just said.

“So you watch me sleep then?” it seemed pretty clear but Beca just wanted to hear it.

“What? Pfft, no… yes. Yes I do.” Chloe shook her head and looked down. “What are they about? The dreams?”

“This. Us. Just… us.” Beca gave a shaky sigh. “That sounds so queerballs.” She laughed a little and Chloe did too.

“Do I scare you?”

“Yes.”  Beca looked right into her eyes, she was so confident in the things she was saying. “Do I scare you?”

“Yeah. A lot more than you should actually…” her voice trailed off in her small laugh.

“In a good way though, right?” Beca leaned in closer, they were trading breaths now.

“Yeah.” they just looked at each other, Beca saw how quickly her eyes had changed from their rich sky blue to suddenly an ocean blue.

“Chloe?” Beca whispered in a timid and light voice.

“Mm?” Chloe’s breath was slightly uneven, she couldn’t get enough of the way Beca was looking at her. Like she was something to treasure or worship. She felt the anticipation of her words building, the entire universe seemed to be waiting for something big. She pressed her forehead against Beca’s, she felt the muscles in Beca’s arms tense for just a moment upon her skin touching hers. She couldn’t take it anymore, she leaned into a kiss. Chloe felt herself being pushed back, Beca’s hands swiftly moved up to the sides of her face. All she could hear was her own heartbeat getting stronger and faster.

She remembered everything from the past five years, all the laughter and fights and crying. Beca had seen her ugly upside-down kidney bean cry before, and Chloe had seen all of Beca’s hissy fits. All these flaws and quirky details, were shared between them since the day they met. She breathed all of herself into her. Beca was pinning her to the couch with a gravity cancelling kiss, she felt Chloe’s hands going up her back.

Every single time she looked at her, every single time she touched her, it always felt like the first time. She’d been hiding from her, hiding everything from her since the first night she felt something. Thinking of how much sooner she could’ve done this if she just stopped pretending, thinking of all the times she yelled at her when she caught a glimpse of what was actually happening, when she accidentally saw the dirty laundry. Chloe felt dripping on her face, she opened her eyes. Her lips separated from Beca’s, they felt lonely already. “Beca?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, just-” She pressed into the kiss again, Chloe moved her hands to cup her face, her thumbs wiping her tears away, she sat up and Beca hung her head. Chloe lifted her face by her chin, she held the sides of her neck and held her gaze.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” she held their foreheads together and she gave her a quick eskimo kiss. She looked deep into her eyes, her heart broke at the sight of her lover crying so dolefully.

“I should’ve just let you in.” her voice was shaky and broken in a small sob. She cried harder, Chloe had never seen anything like it. All of Beca's walls were just falling, everything she was and is was being stripped away, her thick skin and hard-headed attitude withered away with just one single tear turning into many. There was nothing left but these raw and honest emotions.

Her heart was bare and unguarded, it was of such fragile and quaint nature. For her to expose herself, knowing it's delicate casing was so very thin and light like a feather, was the most beautiful thing Beca had showed Chloe. From the night in the shower, to when she and Beca watched the world together from a rooftop, and Radio Shack. This was the single most astoundingly beautiful thing she had ever shown her. “I should've let you in.”

“I know, but I'm here now, okay?” She kissed Beca's nose and put her forehead back on hers, Beca looked down and tears continued to fall. They dripped onto Chloe's forearms and into their laps.

“I should've just told you.” She wept and looked deep into Chloe's eyes. She felt her eyes begin to tear up, feeling the wetness down her cheeks watching her cry.

“Should've told me what?” She sniffled at her own tears. Beca continued to cry, her sobs softening into slow breaths. “Beca?” Beca sucked in her bottom lip into her mouth, she let out a deep breath and looked at Chloe. No matter all the emotions she was feeling at the moment, her head couldn't be more clear.

 

****

 

“Everything. I should’ve just told you everything.” Beca took a deep breath in and looked at Chloe. She reached over and wiped up a tear coming from her eye, she kept her hand there and moved her thumb across her cheekbone. When she drew her hand band down to grasp Beca’s, she didn’t wipe the proof of her true sensitivity off her skin. Chloe made her tears feel of importance, she wiped them away with care, with reverence. She gave her tears shelter in her hands. Chloe was a hoarder, she kept things that she felt was of value, and here she was collecting her tears in her hands, holding them for her. Protecting her in her vulnerability, keeping these parts of her safe. “You’re my best friend and when I get home, I just-I just want to-to tell you everything and anything but I didn’t, I never told you.” Beca hung her head again, and wiped her tears pretending that she was a giant ball of emotions right now.

After world’s all she wanted was for that charming girl to come into her room and ask about her day. _‘Hey, you okay? Do you need to talk? Need a hug?’_. She wanted her to come in her room and ask, she wanted every chance and any chance to tell her every detail, just to have her around. She wanted nothing more than to just share with her, like if it were the last time she’d be able to share anything, because what if it was? What if she only had a limited amount of time to say everything?

“Beca, I’m here now. This is now, I’m _right_ here.” Beca’s sobbing had quieted, she sniffled and Chloe looked at her. She looked at her and she _saw_ her, she wasn’t just looking, she was _seeing_ her. She saw her and she was beautiful. A flood of overwhelming fire enveloped Chloe, It didn't only cover her body, but her mind and her heart.

“Chloe?” she said timidly, closing her eyes breathing against her.

“Yeah?”

“I-” she stopped and she opened her eyes. “I-” she couldn’t get through it. Chloe gave her an encouraging smile, she could feel her anticipation spewing off of her. “I love you." Chloe knew exactly was she was feeling. She left a kiss on Beca's lips, tasting the salty tears. Many words and feelings were traded in this kiss, giving so much more meaning to it than just the physical aspect of the fire and butterflies. She let go and their noses and foreheads were against each other, Chloe's hand rested on the curve of Beca's neck. Beca's hand stopped on her thighs, her breath fast and unsteady, her feelings were being clearly expressed in her eyes. Chloe swept her tongue over her bottom lip and opened her eyes.

“I love you too.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done guys, just two more to go.


	25. Mama Beale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finished school, it's officially summer, so I'll try to make my publication dates closer together. But thank you for being so patient and waiting for new chapters. Anyway enjoy!

* * *

 

**July 22nd**

_'I… I’m gay.’_ Chloe shifted positions in the bed. “Mom…” she mumbled remembering that night. _'I think I'm full.’_ her eyelids flew open when she grabbed for Beca, but she wasn't there. “Beca?” Chloe was panicked she sat up and pulled the blankets up to her chest. “Beca?” Beca came rushing in from the living room.

“Hey, hey, shhh. What's the matter?” She crawled onto the bed and wrapped Chloe in her arms, reassuring her that it was just a dream.

“Where were you?” Chloe looked up at her, her lip quivered and the tears streaming out of her piercing blue eyes.

“I was in the other room, I got an idea-”

“Just don't leave me, okay?” She said muffling her voice in Beca's chest.

“I won't, I won't, shhh.” She looked down at her, her red curls everywhere and her knees tucked under her kneeling in front of Beca on the bed. “Why are you crying?” Chloe shook her head, and wrapped her arms around her waist tighter. “You gotta talk to me, okay?” She sat down on her knees, separating from Chloe's body, she held her hands and looked into her eyes. Chloe let go to wipe her face and her hands went back to Beca's. She stared at them, she adored the way Beca's thumb always moved across her knuckles, how she held her hands so firmly but her skin was smooth and soft. Providing an anchor as she lost her gravity. She looked up at Beca's face, choking back a sob.

“My uh-my mom, we haven't spoken since I came here…” Beca frowned and brought her head back to her chest as she let her sorrowful tears flow.

“Oh, Chloe.” She held her head in place, giving it shelter in her bosom. “That's gonna be four months.”

“I know!” Chloe wailed against her. “She doesn't want to talk.”

“Did _she_ say that?” Beca's hand still held her there securely, while the other massaged her arm and shoulder.

“No… she-”

“You don't have to do this alone, I'm here with you, but you have to call her.” She rested her chin at the top of her head, she could feel the reluctance rising in her girlfriend.

“I-I can't-”

“Yes, you can. Even if she _doesn't_ approve, you have to be the bigger person here, Chlo.” Chloe looked up at her face, knowing she was right. “We can do this, okay?” Her fear fell away when she heard Beca say 'we’. Beca's hand moved to cup her cheek, Chloe kissed her palm and nuzzled her cheek in it. Her hands were warm and safe, they felt like home. Chloe opened her eyes to Beca doe-eyed, smiling warmly at her.

“What?” Chloe asked, her lip caught between her teeth as she grinned, her heart throbbed at the sight of Beca's luminous eyes and award winning smile.

“Even when you cry, you're beautiful.” She moved her thumb so slightly, admiring the skin beneath it. Chloe's arm were covered in goosebumps. Her eyes felt heavy again, she looked at the clock and it was past midnight. She involuntarily let out a long yawn. “Go back to bed,” She moved them back to the pillows. “We'll talk about this tomorrow.” She kissed her forehead and Chloe put her head back in her spot in the crook of her neck. She sighed, closing her eyes. Beca hummed softly to her, making small circles on the skin of her shoulder. “I got all I need when I got you and I…” she hummed the rest of the song, Chloe looked up and kissed the bottom of her chin.

“I love you.” She heard Beca's breath catch a little like it did every time since that night.

“I love you too, Chlo. Now sleep…” Chloe's eyes closed and her mind went adrift, but never leaving the thought of the brunette.

 

* * *

 

**July 29th**

She paced back and forth in her kitchen, twiddling her fingers and playing with the zipper of the jacket she stole from Beca's. She bit her nail as she scrolled through her phone. She listened to it ring for a few minutes. _What's taking her so long?_ “Hi, this is Aubrey Posen, leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can.” she waited for the beep.

“Hey, Bree. I just was calling to check in, but no worries, call me when you can. Bye.” She let out a long sigh. “Shit.”  Then there was a knock on her door. Her eyes quickly shot up at the door, she walked over carefully, trying to milk the clock. She took a deep breath before opening the door, her hand resting on the doorknob. She twisted and she opened up. “Hey, ma!” She was pulled into a half hug. The type of hug you give your aunts and uncles. Not the daughter hug. Her head hovered just over her shoulder, her mom's matching red hair lightly tickling her face.

“Hello, sweetheart.” She stared for a second, her hand gripping the edge of the door. She couldn't breathe, her mother was standing right in front of her, you could probably hear the cogs in her head turning. _Shit, shit, shit._ “Are you going to let me in or are we going to stand in the hall all day?” Her mom asked reminding her that this was really happening.

“Of course, of course, come inside.” She moved out of her way, even though she preferred the latter. “How have you been, ma? How are things? Where's daddy?” She sat on the couch, watching her mother give her apartment a once over.

“Fine, dear, fine, and your father is having a conference in Florida, he'll be back Wednesday evening.” She looked around again and she smoothed out her khakis. “How are you doing, sweetheart? It must be so lonely since you've left.” Her mother's voice was extremely condescending.

“Actually,” she was going to say Beca lived with her and right next door in her own apartment, but she couldn't tell her about Beca just yet. “Nevermind, it's uh-it's alright, it's a little quieter now.”

“I can only imagine.” There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment and she watched her mom making little observations and imaginary memos about the things wrong with her little home. She sighed lightly, looking down at her hands, seeing the faded sharpie star Beca drew when she was working on her paperwork.

 

* * *

 

**“Chloe.”**

**“Hm?”**

**“You're doing it again.” She said writing things and scribbling small notes along a music sheet.**

**“Doing what?” She asked with her hands holding her chin, perched on the edge of the chair next to Beca's desk.**

**“Staring.”**

**“I'm not staring-”**

**“You're** **_'gazing_ ** **’ or whatever, yeah I know.” Beca's tone was very exhausted and slightly irritable.**

**“You okay?” Chloe asked as a reflex to her tone.**

**“Sorry, sorry, just… stressed is all.” She put her pen down and looked at Chloe for the first time in what seemed like hours. “Kelly's really just… ugh! She's such a brat now!” she threw her hands up, the pen hitting the computer screen. “Why can't we just be a recording artist and the producer for one** ** _,_ ** **just** **_one,_ ** **session?”**

 **“Maybe because of your** **_makeout_ ** **session.” Chloe grinned at her, teasing and poking her with her foot.**

 **“** ** _So_ ** **not cool.” Beca rolled her eyes.**

**“You'll figure it out.” Beca hummed when she came down for a kiss and left a little peck. She wasn't looking for more but then just like that, she was deepening the kiss. She pressed her lips again, but parted her them so that her tongue could lightly brush Beca's. Beca groaned, leaning her head back into the chair. Chloe let go and peppered little kisses on the sides of her face and gave her a long and slow purposeful kiss, their tongues swirling and twisting around in each other's mouths.**

**She bit her lip and tugged and pulled her head away from the chair, bringing her up and standing. Her hands met the sides of her face and Beca's were keeping her up against the desk. Chloe's moved down her face, her neck, her shoulders, down her chest. They were resting on her abs now. She felt Beca sit on the desk behind her, giving her more room to invade her space, in a way that was still new. She pushed her shirt up, Beca's breath caught and her abs tensed for a moment. She pulled off of the kiss and rested her forehead on Beca's, now bare, chest.**

**“So that's what you do.” Beca said, panting.**

**“What do you mean?” She met Beca's gaze again and she brought her back into a bruising kiss, Beca ran her hands up her sides and met her head. She pulled in back into her chest. She nipped and licked across, Beca leaned back tugging Chloe's hair with her. Their breaths were shaky and labored, feeling the warmth on each other's skin. She leaned forward again, Chloe sucked on the spot right behind her ear.**

**“You demand attention.” Her arms hung over her shoulder and she stopped breathing altogether as she felt Chloe's hand slip into the waistband of her pants. She felt the concept of 'want’ disappear and she was hit by the impending wave of 'need’ coming in to play.**

**“I can't help it.” She remembered that she still had work to do and she had to get back to it. Chloe bit down harder on her neck. Her teeth finally released her skin from their grip and she breathed against Beca's neck.**

**“Baby, I have to get back to work.”**

**“What did you just say?” Chloe whispered, her hot breath hitting Beca's ear.**

**“I need to get back to work, baby.” She gave the spot of her neck a little chaste kiss and moved onto the other side.**

**“Say that again.” She lightly sucked at her pulse.**

**“Baby.” Beca whimpered when she bit down and started sucking hard. Her pulse was thumping against Chloe's tongue. “Baby.” She felt her fingers circling around her center. “Bab-” she felt her press against her, completely silencing her cries, and then another instantly pulling a loud moan from her, she was gone. Work on what paperwork?**

 

* * *

 

**“You're really cute when you're focused.” Chloe laid across her lap on the couch, watching her work in her matching navy blue lingerie.**

**“Why, thank you.” Beca was still writing on the paper, but she looked down into her lap watching Chloe grin and bite her lip. Chloe's hand went up to her cheek.**

**“Glad to know I have your attention.” her voice was low and sultry, she gently moved her thumb across.**

**“You definitely deserve a gold star for it.” She took her hand and kissed the top before taking her sharpie and drawing a small little star. She winked at her and put her hand on her knee. She felt all the goosebumps on her skin announce their presence when Beca's hand made contact.**

**Beca moved her hand to where it rested in the small space between Chloe's knees. Beca arched an eyebrow at Chloe, but her eyes were fixated on her hand. She carefully slid down in between her thighs, Chloe opened them so slightly. Beca's hand stayed there and she moved her thumb back and forth, teasing Chloe, enjoying the little show. Chloe let out a small moan as she did. “You okay there, baby?”**

**“Shut u-” she didn't get to finish her sentence, Beca gently moved around.**

**“You sure?” Beca said, knowing what she was doing was pure torture.**

**“Oh God, oh Becs,” she felt a pull in her stomach as she heard what it sounded like. It was like her mind was just soaked in oxytocin and dopamine. She pressed and listened and felt as she became undone. She looked at her, seeing her Beca completely lost in her, as she stared at her with such a sense of appraisal as she touched her. Falling apart at her hand, at her doing was total bliss.**

* * *

 

She began to reminisce on the pulling feeling in her stomach, feeling it rise up again as she felt the sudden ache in her body. She needed to get to back to what she was doing. “Would you uh-like to go for coffee?”

“Oh, yes. Coffee sounds wonderful.” she lead her mother out the door and to her car. “Where are we going, sweetheart?”

“There's a small cafe I like to go to after my classes.”

They drove mostly in silence, until her mom began to rant about her neighbor, Julia, and that her garden was such a pig sty. They arrived and Chloe ordered their coffee.

“So, how have you been? Have you met anyone yet? There's quite a large selection, dear.” Her mom winked and looked around the cafe at all the young men.

“Actually, ma, I-”

“Hey, Chloe!” Sam walked up to them gave Chloe a side hug, holding a tray of coffee in his hand. “What are you up to?” She learned to tolerate Sam, seeing him with Kendall helped with that. But then tolerance became a fondness when he came to the rescue to change her flat tire. They weren't good friends, but they were friendly enough to be slightly excited to see each other in public.

“Oh! Sam, this is my mother, LeAnn. Ma, this is Sam, he's a friend of mine.” Her mother stook out her hand and shook it.

“Charmed.” Sam said smiling as bright as he could, seeing Chloe's uneasy face.

“My, my, Sam, you have a _very_ good grip.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” He let go her stare lingered for a minute.

“How do you manage to find such attractive men, sweetheart? It's like a gift of yours.” She smirked at Chloe and back at Sam, who was obviously late and now uncomfortable.

“I will let you lovely ladies get back to your coffee. Chloe it was nice to see you.”

“See you.” Chloe said over her shoulder, watching him leave. She wished he could stay and talk to her mother about literally anything having to do with home decor so she wouldn't have to think of what to say to her.

“Wow, I must say I am impressed, sweetheart.” She jumped a little, remembering her mom was still there.

“With what, ma? Sam? He's just a friend, really-”

“Oh, please, dear. You can't possibly just be friends with someone who has a mug like that.” Her mom grabbed for her hand, all of the sudden they were mother and daughter again.

“Mom, really, we're just friends.” She mom clicked her tongue and finished her coffee. Chloe was exhausted. She wanted to go home.

 

****

 

Beca walked back and forth across the studio, she held her phone in her hand, clutching for dear life. The door opened and Beca was way too excited. “Hey, kid!” she rushed over to Kelly and stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do with her hands. Kelly looked up from the bright little screen and assessed Beca.

“Hi… everything okay, or are you having another breakdown? Do you want me to get Nancy to call Chrissy?”

“Hi! Hi, no you don't have to call _Chloe._ ” Beca corrected her.

“Whatever,” Kelly huffed walking past her and setting her purse down on the couch. “Why are you so…?” She gestured her hand at her.

“Well, let's have a talk, okay. I know we didn't get off on the right foot-”

“Um, we did, but _you_ made sure to screw that one up real good.” Kelly sat and went back to her phone. Beca passed some papers across the coffee table. “What's this?” Kelly picked them up and looked at Beca.

“I know you can't stand me, you only have a contract with me for a year, but if you can't hang, just look over those documents, and sign them, and I'll be out of your hair in a month and you'll have a new producer-”

“No!” Beca raised her eyebrows in shock.

“No? I thought you hated me?”

“I-I don't hate you. I'm just-” she huffed and put the papers back down on the table. “You're the only producer who knows what they're doing here. Everyone else just makes everyone sound the same, I don't want to sound the same! You have a good ear, okay?”

“Thank you, but I have another producer in mind and he's great-”

“I don't want another producer!” Kelly cried and threw her hands up. “Okay.” Kelly huffed and set her phone down. “I guess… I just came to LA with different expectations, you know? You go somewhere and expect one thing to happen and then boom. It doesn't.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“I came to LA to kickstart my career, and maybe even to meet somebody or belong somewhere, but here I am. Sitting in a studio with only half of my album done and-” Beca stopped seeing Emily and she started seeing herself. She couldn't let her make the mistake that could've cost her what she had now.

“Look, kid, I'm gonna tell you something, alright?” Kelly nodded her head. “I thought the same exact thing six years ago. When I got to Barden,” she looked over at the picture on the wall. “I was pretty disappointed. I thought I would be able to move to LA, and produce music, and find my spot in the world doing something that I love.” She could see Kelly engage more in the conversation. “But it didn't exactly work that way. Instead, I went to college. My dad told me to get out there and enjoy it, when I joined the Bellas, I didn't expect to love those girl as much as I do now.” She felt warm thinking about it. “Those girls are my family, and I love them, all of them and I'm in love with one of them and it's amazing,”

She thought back to this morning when she kissed Chloe goodbye and she walked down the hallway, Chloe watching her from the door still, in her BU t-shirt. Thank God for the activities fair. ‘ _Hi, do you have any interest in joining our acapella group?’_

“And without those girls, without just riding the wave, I wouldn't be here talking to you. I'd probably be living in a crap apartment, working a shitty job no one wants.” Kelly laughed a little. “It might be disappointing now, but when you get out there and you embrace the idea of something new, it'll turn it around and it might even be the best time of your life.” Kelly nodded in agreement and sighed lightly.

“Thanks.” Kelly smiled at her, and Beca could see her old self disappear and see the Emily in her come back.

“So, can we be a team? Can we stop being enemies and be the producer and the recording artist again?” Beca smiled at her as she took the papers and walked over to put the back in the filing cabinet.

“I'd like that.” Kelly said standing and walking over to her.

“Good, because then I would have no reason to do this.” She pushed her toward the chair in front of her desk, the computers screen said someone was calling, so she answered.

“Hi, I'm Emily, I've heard so much about you!” Kelly's jaw dropped and she looked at Beca.

“You're Emily Junk.” She said in a tone that was barely audible.

“I am,” she could hear her laughing. “In the flesh.” She heard Emily stammering like she always did. “Well, not in the flesh, _obviously_ , but via video chat.”

“Are you _freaking_ kidding me?” Kelly's surprised face turned into a big smile. “Oh my God, it's Emily _freaking_ Junk! Emily Junk is talking to me! OhmyGod!”

“Woah, calm down there, Kelly.”

“She knows my freaking name! How do you know my name?”

“I'd ask that little birdy,” Emily pointed at the camera, referring to Beca. “She's told me a lot about you, and I actually was curious about you as an artist. Beca says we'd be a pretty good team, and that we'd be compatible, and well, Beca's never wrong when it comes to music.” Kelly got up and rushed Beca.

“Thank you so much!”

“Do I hear a hug going on?” Emily was laughing and smiling at the reaction. Kelly let go and sat back down in front of the laptop.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, of course, ask away.” Kelly began badgering her with questions about her songwriting and the Bellas and how they did at Lincoln Center this year, and Flashlight. It was a nice thing to see.

 

****

 

Chloe sat on the couch and her mother sat across from her. “I mean honestly, dear, you would make such a lovely couple.”

“Um, no thanks, ma.” she heard the door unlock.

“Honey, I'm home!” Beca teased walking through. She saw Chloe's mom on the couch and her face lit up like the fourth of July. “Mama Beale!”

“Hi, dear. How are you?” She got up and hugged Beca. Their hug was long and full, and sincere. Chloe felt a little… not jealous but left out, maybe? Offended? Nope, definitely jealous.

“I'm good, how are you? How was your flight?”

“Talk about jet lag, sweetie, I am exhausted.” she let go of Beca and looked at her, her hands gripping her arms and rubbing her shoulders. “But you must be even more exhausted with that music of yours. Barden has their own celebrity student now, thanks to you.” She pulled away from her, Chloe was hovering at the end of the table. “Come, dear, Chloe will get you something to drink.”

“That's alright, Mama Beale.” She walked over to the end of the table and hugged Chloe. “How long has she been here?” She whispered into her ear.

“Too long.” She wrapped around Beca, she just wanted to disappear into her.

“Have you told her?”

“Uh-”

“You never told me Beca would be coming.” Chloe's mom interrupted.

“Uh-yeah I-I forgot to mention that.” She scratched the back of her neck and looked at Beca. They all sat around the table. Chloe just mostly listened to Beca and her mother talk.

“So, Beca dear, are you still seeing that Jesse boy? Because I know this handsome young man who loves music,” she laughed and threw her head back. “Oh, you two would hit it off right away. Chloe, on the other hand, is telling me that she and this gorgeous young man, she was flirting with at the cafe, are _just_ friends-”

“Because we are, ma.” Chloe said leaning into Beca's side, squeezing her hand under the table.

“Chloe-”

“Mama Beale,” Beca interrupted what would've been a small family scrap. “We actually have reservations at this restaurant, we should go.”

“Yes! Dinner! My car or yours?” Chloe said standing up and grabbing her jacket. They walked down to the parking lot, Chloe's mother walking ahead like always.

“I love that jacket on you, where'd you get it?” Beca teased, linking their arms together.

 

* * *

 

**Chloe leaned over and grabbed the leather jacket in the front seat and pulled it over her shoulders and sat back into the seat. “I thought you said you didn't know where my jacket was.” Beca said looking at her with a smug grin, as she pulled her jeans back on.**

**“Oh,” she looked down at her chest. “I forgot?” Beca laughed and leaned over to give her a kiss. She smiled against her.**

**“You're so weird.” She mumbled into the kiss.**

**“I know.” Beca pulled the jacket back off of her and pressed against Chloe's body with her own.**

* * *

 

“I got this little number from a smokin’ hot midget.” She laughed and let go to unlock the car and opened the door for Chloe's mother on the passengers side.

 

* * *

 

They finished their meals, they were just sitting, Chloe might've had one or two glasses of wine… or three. “So, Beca, how is that Jesse of yours?”

“Oh!” Beca spit up some wine and quickly grabbed for her napkin. They were back to this question. “Sorry, sorry, um. We uh-broke up some time ago actually.” She wiped herself up.

“Oh, I never liked that boy anyway. Too arrogant, I think.” LeAnn took a sip of her wine. “I'm sorry to hear that, dear.” Chloe rolled her eyes and continued to drink.

“It's okay, Mama Beale, I actually met someone great.” She looked at Chloe and her mother exclaimed in joy.

“Oh good! I'm getting grandchildren from _someone_ , because this one refuses to get a boyfriend-”

“ _Maybe_ because I'm gay.” Chloe took another drink and set her glass down.

“Chloe Beale, you will not use that tone with me.” The server came back with the bottle. “Oh no, thank you, sweetheart we've had enough.” The server nodded his head and walked away, she returned her attention to Chloe.

“What, ma? Did I say something I wasn't supposed to?” Chloe wasn't having it.

“We will discuss this tomorrow.”

“What, are you done being my mother because I like women? No not like, love. I _love_ women, I love _a_ woman and she's the most wonderful thing to happen to me. But no, of course you don’t approve because ' the Beale women have a reputation to uphold’.”

“Well if that's true, and she is 'the most wonderful thing' to happen to you, then she would've at least had the decency to show her face, now wouldn't she? We are _through_ with this conversation.” She grabbed her purse from underneath her chair and pulled out her wallet.

“She _is_ showing her face.” Her eyes quickly moved up to meet Chloe's. “She _has_ been showing her face for several years, and _you_ love her and she's been apart of my life for so long and I'm in love with her.” She continued to pull out money in denial of her daughter's tipsy slurs.

“Let me get it.” Beca pulled out her card grabbing the check, too fast for her to object. She looked at Beca with wide eyes, realizing who Chloe was referring to.

“I love her, ma.”

“Chloe, I think it's time to go-”

“No, Beca, this needs to happen.”

“What _exactly_ needs to happen, Chloe?” Her mother interrupted. Beca saw the spark in her eye, she was about to burst.

“What needs to happen is-”

“Chloe, this can wait till tomorrow-”

“Beca is my girlfriend.” An uncomfortable silence arose at the table. “She's been my official girlfriend for two months, almost three. And we've been in love since before then. I wanted to tell you and make amends, but it seems like it might not go in that direction.” The server came back with Beca's card. “So yeah, now you know.” They all got their purses and walked to the car in silence.

 

****

 

They arrived back at the apartment, Chloe immediately locked herself in her room when she got in. Beca grabbed her mother's suitcase and drove her to her hotel. She walked up with her, carrying her things to her room for her. “Thank you, Beca dear, just put them there.” she did and she lingered there for a minute. “Beca?”

“Yes, ma'am?” Beca turned and sat on the ottoman across from the bed.

“Don't call me ‘ma'am’, dear.” She warned.

“Sorry, Mama Beale.” she sighed and looked at Beca with tired eyes.

“Do you… love my daughter?” Beca smiled and she sighed happily.

“Yes, I do. More than I can say.” She loved her so much, she felt Chloe, even when they were apart.

“And you make her happy?”

“Yes.” she saw Chloe's radiant smile in her head, time and time again, the sleepy smile, and tired smile, and flirty smile. All of them were intoxicating, especially knowing she caused her mouth to draw up in such a way that it almost literally stops time. 

“And she loves you, and makes you happy?”

“Yes.” She didn't have to think twice about it. The answer yes, a million times yes since the day they'd been acquainted, she always looked like she slept with a hanger in her mouth. “Very much.”

“Okay, goodnight, dear.” She took her shoes off and Beca walked over for a hug.

“Goodnight, Mama Beale.”

 

* * *

 

 

****

 

**August 1st**

Chloe opened her eyes and turned into Beca's body, humming at the warmth. She nuzzled her nose in the crook of her neck, inhaling the smell of her skin. Beca chuckled at touch. “Good morning, baby.”

“Hey, gorgeous.” Chloe said opening her eyes to look up at her.

“How did you sleep?”

“Fantastic.” She said into her chest. She looked up at Beca who was marvelling over her perfect, freckled, sun-kissed skin. “I'm starving.” She groaned, closing her eyes and clinging to Beca.

“Great. Save your appetite for breakfast with Mama Beale.” her eyes shot open at the words, like if they assaulted her.

“What?” Chloe sat up immediately. “I did not agree to this. I don't want to go. I do _not_ want to see her.”

“Chloe, we're going, it's really awkward having lunch and dinner with _your_ mom when you're not there.” It was always amazing to hear her say 'we’, but she didn't enjoy that 'we’ was being dragged to a breakfast to see her mother. Especially since she hadn't been going  _with_ Beca to catch up with her own mother. Beca was showing her up as a daughter. But it wasn't a competition, it really wasn't. At least it shouldn't of felt like it was. “You have to make things right with your mother.”

“But-but-”

“No 'buts’, baby. Family is important.”

“What about you? I mean you and your dad don't talk much, why do me and my mother have to talk?” Beca laughed and grabbed her phone. She opened it and handed it to Chloe. She read through the message between her and her dad.

 

_Dad (to Beca) 8:45 AM:_ _Good morning sweetheart I hope you have a wonderful day xx_

 

**_Beca (to Dad) 9:30 AM:_ ** **_Thanks you too tell the step monster I said hi_ **

 

_Dad (to Beca) 9:35 AM:_ _Beca that's not funny :/_

 

_**Beca (to Dad) 9:47 AM:** _ _**Sorry I know xP just tell Shelia I said hi xx** _

 

“Beca, still I don't want-” her words were cut off.

"Keep reading." she scrolled down to the latest parts of their conversation.

 

**_Beca (to Dad) 1:10 PM:_ ** **_Hey I have some news xx_ **

 

_Dad (to Beca) 1:23 PM:_ _Did you finish another album?_

 

_**Beca (to Dad) 1:25 PM:** _ _**No but almost :P** _

 

_Dad (to Beca) 1:27 PM:_ _Can't wait to hear it :D_

 

_**Beca (to Dad) 1:32 PM:** _ _**I'm dating someone.** _

 

_Dad (to Beca) 1:35 PM:_ _Who's the lucky fella? Do I get to meet him :) xx_

 

**_Beca (to Dad) 1:33 PM:_ ** **_She's a her actually_ **

 

_Dad (to Beca) 1:36 PM:_ _Oh can I ask who?_

 

**_Beca (to Dad) 1:40 PM:_ ** **_Chloe do you remember her?_ **

 

_Dad (to Beca) 1:50 PM:_ _From your acapella group?_

 

**_Beca (to Dad) 1:57 PM:_ ** **_Yes_ **

 

_Dad (to Beca) 2:00 PM:_ _It was pretty much inevitable lol xD but I'm glad you're happy sweetheart xx_

 

**_Beca (to Dad) 2:05 PM:_ ** **_Inevitable? What does that mean? xD_ **

 

_Dad (to Beca) 2:05 PM:_ _You were spending quite a lot of time with just those girls Chloe specifically ;) xD  xx_

 

_**Beca (to Dad) 2:06 PM:** _ _**Lol thanks talk to you soon :P xx** _

 

Chloe felt so happy that Beca told her dad about them, knowing their relationship wasn't always so great and they didn't talk too much. But then she felt guilty. She just wanted to be civil with her mother. As soon as Beca felt her point was proven she took the phone from her.

“We gotta go soon, baby.” She said as she kissed her shoulder.

“I know.” She reached back with her hand and cupped her cheek.

 

* * *

 

They were off to breakfast, Chloe sat nervous in the passengers side. She tapped her fingers anxiously on the inside of Beca's thigh. “Baby, calm down. We'll be alright.” She nodded and continued to fidget in her seat. Beca turned on the radio and turned up the volume.

_When tomorrow comes I'll be on my own_

_Feeling frightened of things that I don't know_

_When tomorrow comes_

_Tomorrow comes_

_Tomorrow comes_

_And though the road is long_

_I look up to the sky_

_And in the dark I found, I lost hope that I won't fly_

_And I sing along_

_I sing along_

_And I sing along_

“I got all I need when I got you and I, as I look around me and see a sweet life,”

“I'm stuck in the dark, but you're my flashlight getting me, getting me through the night.” they sang together and they approached a light. Chloe leaned over and stole a kiss from Beca.

“This is why I love you.”

* * *

 


	26. It Never Was

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This is the last chapter of Part 1 and I am so happy to share it with all of you! This chapter is from Aubrey's P.O.V. and it does hint back to previous chapters, so if you were paying attention, you'll get it. Enjoy :,)

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She stood there watching a small office staff put together a tent. They were failing horribly, and it had almost been an hour. She didn't care. This was a team building exercise, her job was to watch. She'd spent a lot of her time watching, didn't she? It had been two years since she _consistently_ saw Beca. When Beca was a freshman, she wouldn't say it. She would never tell, she disliked her, it was that simple. But why did she dislike her so much? She was right every single time, she had good ideas, and when Aubrey had an attitude, Beca gave attitude right back. Beca was not afraid of her. But she was of Beca. Aubrey could dish it out, but she couldn't take it. Especially not from Beca.

And another thing she used to hate about Beca, was how she disappeared before every performance. She assumed that she was going to hook up with Jesse, like she had told her not to, but then she found out what she actually was doing. ‘ _Shhhhh, you're safe. You are safe. Nothing is going to hurt you. I'm not going to hurt you. I won't let anything hurt you.’_ the dwarf actually had a flaw, she didn't hate it anymore. She only got a better understanding of Beca as a human, and not as the pain in the ass. Okay, maybe she _didn't_ hate all these things about her, and she _didn't_ dislike her. Maybe the problem was that she didn't at all, in fact quite the opposite actually.

As Beca's sarcastic little self walked into her life, Aubrey’s focus walked right out. It was nearly impossible to keep her mind on Bella work. That's why their 'Hands in.’ wasn't perfected until she gave Beca a say in the group. Until she stopped trying to tune her out, and get her out of her way, and out of her life, did things start falling into place. She stopped trying to fight the feeling, she just couldn't fight it anymore, not without hurting herself. The vomit hadn't been the only thing she was holding in. She was in love with Beca Mitchell's stupid face and couldn't do anything about it. She just let it sit, and she watched her from _afar_. And then after winning the ICCA's, being on stage with her, seeing her glow, not because of the stage lights, because she was so beautiful when she smiled. She had a front row seat to the ‘Beca Show’ and she was watching from _up close_ now. They shared a lot of good times that summer. She was especially fond of the day Beca helped her move in.

 

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**“Thank you so much for helping.” She passed her, carrying a box from the truck and into her new place.**

**“No-” she picked up a heavy box and let out a sharp breath. “Problem.” She set it down on the table. “I'm really sorry that the girls flaked out, kind of a dick move.” She didn't mind at all. Not one bit, she did enjoy the Bellas company, but Beca's company seemed to irritate her less.**

**“Ugh, I know, those doucheb’s.” Aubrey laughed wiping her sweaty forehead. “But it's alright, for a dwarf you got some pretty big guns.” Beca tried to shove her.**

**“Hey!” She laughed harder at Beca's cute attempt to attack her.**

**“Alright, alright back to work, Mitchell.”**

**“That's Captain Mitchell to you.”**

**“Since I'm older and was captain before you, that technically means that I have seniority and I'm still a captain above you.”**

**“Oh, you and your technicalities.” Beca walked back out to the truck and Aubrey watched after her. Seeing her all sweaty and her hair in a messy bun, she was still beautiful and that pissed Aubrey off. She hated that her sweat was supposed to take away from the beauty as a whole, but it only shined on her natural beauty. She was a hard worker, that one. Both physically and mentally tough. She could deal. Aubrey loved that. She started walking out to Beca, seeing her pick up a fairly large box. She could barely see the top of her head.**

**“Do you need some help with that?”**

**“Nope,” she grunted, walking slowly towards the house. “I got it.”**

**“Be careful, that looks a little heavy.” She stayed by the door, watching her bring it in.**

**“I'm good.”**

**“I think you need help.” She walked over and Beca stopped her before she could put her hands on the box to support it.**

**“Nope, I got it.” She kept walking. There was a brick in the walkway that came up a little higher than the rest, and she tripped. Aubrey rushed over to push the box up, keeping Beca up as well. Their faces were less than an inch apart.**

**“Told you so.” Aubrey said breaking the silence. Beca's breath fell hard on her face. She looked into her blue eyes and she forgot about the box, she was just there. She watched her lips, the bottom twitched so lightly. She looked at the space between her eyebrows and saw a bead of sweat drip down. She felt her get a better grip on the box and stand up straight.**

**“Thanks.”**

 

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 **They finished putting the boxes inside about two hours later, after putting all the boxes in the rooms they needed to be in. They sat in front of the TV, on the floor with a box of pizza and a case of beer. “I,** **_so_** **, did not hate you.”**

 **“Um, yeah, you** **_so_ ** **did.” Aubrey laughed and covered her mouth as she chewed.**

**“What makes you think that?” She took a swig of her beer and looked at her, watching her jaw work as she chewed.**

**“Well, you called me a 'bitch’ the first day we met, you called my piercings 'ear monstrosities’-”**

**“Hey, hey, you** **_were_ ** **being kind of a bitch,” she hurried to finish chewing. “And they** **_were_ ** **monstrosities, they were cool monstrosities, they just didn't fit the Bella dress code.”**

**“Okay, fair enough, but you also accused me of having a 'toner’-”**

**“But here you are, a spoken for woman.” She hated how that tasted coming out of her mouth. She took a swig of her beer to try and wash it out.**

**“Fine, that's two points, but you also dismissed everything I said, and then you yelled at me for screwing up the set-”**

**“Because you screwed up the set.”**

**“Okay, yeah, but it was a pretty good screw up.”**

**“It was, I'm not gonna lie.” she finished her beer. “Just creative differences, I guess.”**

**“We do make a good team, though.”**

**“Damn right.” They clinked their bottles together. She got to have Beca to herself for one night, until the Bellas came the next morning to help with the unpacking. She was taking every conversation and soaking it up as much as she possibly could. This was good. This is what Beca Mitchell felt like. She felt like a couple of beers and a pizza.**

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And then the year after was complete torture. Seeing stupid pictures of her and Jesse together on her feed, having to double tap because she was one of her best friends after all. Or the nights they'd actually hang out and Jesse would text her, asking where she was. It was sad though, the visits started to become less and less frequent.

The visits slowed and became a rare thing instead. She was just starting to get busy, the Bellas had more gigs, Beca was the captain now, so of course she barely had any time on her hands, Aubrey had been there before. With school, The Bellas, Jesse, all of those were priority things, she wouldn't have time to hang around as much, Aubrey understood that. Only she didn't. She didn't understand why she was so upset over this? Beca was a big girl, she could handle herself now. Aubrey knew that, but she felt like she wasn't needed anymore. Beca didn't need her anymore. She started to remember that day when Chloe called her about world’s. Time had passed so fast, it was already the end of Beca's senior year, and Beca finally needed her again.

 

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**“Aubrey Posen.”**

**“Hey, Bree!” She was thrilled to hear her voice, she heard it often of course but phone calls were just a nice thing she enjoyed.**

**“Hey, Chlo! How are you?”**

**“I'm…” she took a minute to respond. Something was up, Chloe never liked to say she was doing 'bad’ because she always strongly believed that there were** **_always_  people** **in worse situations than yours. Then again, Fat Amy** **_did_ ** **accidentally show her lady business to the president of the United States, so it was pretty bad. “I'm good.”**

**“That's not very convincing, Chloe, what's up?” Chloe began sobbing into the phone, Aubrey listened unsure of what to do next.**

**“It's just,” she sniffled and cleared her throat. “We've lost our sound, Aubrey. The Bellas don't sound like the Bellas anymore, and world's is coming up, and we have to beat DSM, or the Bellas won't be allowed to compete at the collegiate level. We** **_have_ ** **to win.” she took a deep breath in, Aubrey just listened as she clicked the pen in her hand and stared down at the desk listening. “And graduation is coming up, and I'm finally going to graduate, and Beca's-” she sniffled and sobbed harder. Aubrey sat up and straightened her back, listening for whatever news about Beca she was about to drop. Was it another bad week? She hasn't had a bad week in a long time, but hey maybe it was? Maybe? Was she going to have to drive out? “Beca's being ‘Beca’ and she won't talk to me, but I know she has something on her mind.”**

**“This is a lot of stress on you, Chlo.”**

**“It is, I don't know what to do, Bree.”**

**“Listen, I run a retreat, maybe bring the girls in? I'm sure it'll help a little-”**

**“Yes! Yes, of course, I forgot you did that.”** **_and you also forgot something else, I don't what it was, maybe… I don't know, me!_ ** **“Thank you, so much, Bree.”**

**“Yeah, of course.”**

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Remembering that trip was always the worst, she'd spent so much time burying her feelings and that week at the retreat with her, trying to ease her frustration, watching her from afar again, it brought them all back up to the surface.

 

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She walked off to her office and sat in her chair, doing nothing in particular, then her phone started ringing. She looked at the screen and saw Chloe's picture pop up. She practically threw the phone across the desk, it'd been almost two months since she saw the both of them. She'd been dodging her calls after she and Beca told her the news. The both of them being gay was one bomb, both of them being in love was another bomb, but them actually being together as an official couple was a nuclear attack on her heart.

She couldn't answer, so she let it ring. ‘ _Don't hurt my friend.’_ she had to be behind both of them in this. She had to tell Chloe to tell her because Beca was in pain. She could see it all over her face each time she said her name. She just wanted her to be happy. Happy, in that way, didn't include Aubrey. Beca was going to end up just like her, if she didn't say anything.

She'd be too late, or come up too short of what Chloe was asking for. Just like Aubrey had with her. She couldn't let her do that, knowing how miserable it was. She stared at the phone, waiting for it to stop ringing. She would've given anything to hear her name fall from Beca's lips the way Chloe's did. With admiration, with love, with a _want_. But it didn't, she'd spent six years with reminders.

Things always got in the way, Jesse, the distance, everything stopped her when she thought there might’ve been even the smallest of openings. But the truth was that there was, and never would be, an opening. She was her best friend first, before anything. She wouldn't ever cross that line. She didn't appeal to her the same way Chloe did. She could never top Chloe. Chloe was always first when it came to Beca. She was Beca's best friend that's it. The phone finally stopped ringing and she listened to the voicemail.

 

_Hey, Bree. I just was calling to check in, but no worries, call me when you can. Bye._

 

She sighed, disappointed in herself for not answering. Chloe was her best friend too, before Beca even, she couldn't just disappear on her. But she had _Beca._ She lassoed her. She had something Aubrey couldn't have and was always just a wish that never got granted. She was never in the cards for Beca's love life, she knew that now.

This _distance_ had always been there, she'd always noticed it. As time went, it just got bigger and bigger, she got used to it, she _let go_. She had already _let go_ a long time ago, even though there was nothing to let go of she did. Only she didn't. It was time to let go, for real this time. Aubrey crossed her arms over the desk and buried her head in them and cried. _'We make a good team, though.’_

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed it and thought it came together beautifully. I have another work coming soon, and I will keep you posted on Part 2 and where my progress is with that and the release date. I'd like to give a special thanks to: dm13, Emz241, 22_ti, 50ShadesofPitchPerfect, xcombixgirlx, ME_89, DTBF, Direstraights, and Loherondale, for the constructive comments and following with each chapter! You all are peaches and are greatly appreciated and I hope to see your comments in my new work! It's been lovely!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think about my first chapter :)


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